理　由

謝冰清

二十幾歲了，不能不找男朋友。所以家里人為我安排了一場相親，我也曾經惱過不想去，但不去又不行，仿佛到了這個歲數，要是沒有男朋友，便很難堪的樣子。

我早已錯過了風花雪月的日子，接下來的相親，便已是真刀真槍的了，一眼相中，便是溝通，溝通之后，便好似可以商量著辦婚事了。一大早，就打點好一切了，媽媽忙里忙外地轉著，好像這就是皇帝不急急死太監。我悠閑地照常上網，然后讓朋友嘲笑我老土。中午過去，已經有一家人在等著了，那男的年紀也和我差不多大，一臉斯斯文文的樣子，竟然比我還瘦。

他打量我，我打量他，有一搭沒一搭地說幾句話，更多時候把心思放在餐廳的布置上，男生溫文爾雅的樣子，我卻覺得無聊。這人生風花雪月幾年，何必又一定要把時間牢牢地鎖定在男女關系上。不言說，我把愛情看得很淡，雖然我也曾憧憬過。

飯吃畢了，他的母親悄悄拉我到旁邊，問我對他的感覺。我說很好啊，那男的湊過一張臉，微笑著說：可有發展的空間。愣了呆了，突然覺得很好玩。

第二天，他便打電話來邀我出游了。彼此都還算是陌生人，見過一面，卻想要更多親密的空間，這種感覺，真是別扭的嚇人。但老實說，我并不討厭有個男孩子在我身邊，盡管以前一直嚷嚷著非有愛不可，而現在卻發現，寂寞的時候有一個人，難過會被分擔一點。

就這樣開始平淡的交往，彼此都有工作，相見的機會不多，可還是很仔細地逛街，吃飯、抽空陪我。一天中午，突然收到一個快遞，好奇的簽了名，打開來一看，是一個水晶玫瑰和一盒巧克力。想起那天出游時略微提起明天是我的生日，沒想到此刻他便送上門來了。

正在感動之余，又突然接到他的電話，問我有沒有收到他的禮物，咯咯大笑，我說嫌他的玫瑰太俗。他認真地說，明天送你真的。第二天早上，一束鮮花，便擺在了我家門口。

看得出來，他是很用心很有深度的一個人，看上去也很有耐性，不像我，毛毛躁躁的。

看得出來，他好似也有用心去經營這段感情，不像我，似乎漫不經心。

我認真的清楚，我對他的好感并不是愛情，可我也認真的明白，所謂的愛情也是可以慢慢培養出來的。如果彼此小心看護，是不是能夠種出最絢麗的花來呢？

有一天，我們去逛街。他就走在我身邊，街上人很多，車也很多。我們沒有說話，因為發現彼此都找不到什么話說吧。突然間，車輛緩緩地停下來，有很大的一個空間可以穿過去。我突然發現身邊的人不見了，而他卻站在對面呼喚著我。

已經開始凝聚的小小感情突然熄滅了火焰。這個時候，是誰甩開了我的手，孤零零的兩端，像我和他的距離，中間隔著的是人山人海，和無法超越的現實。

他送我回家，站在門口，他仿佛也感覺了什么，有些苦惱地說，難道真的不能夠嗎？

有些事情，并不是能夠就能夠吧。就像２０幾歲必須相親，卻并不是所有的相親都能夠有結果的，所謂不愛的理由也許就是這樣吧。

The Reason

It seems natural that I,a woman over twenty years old,must have a boyfriend,and if I don＇t,I must feel awkward. Accordingly one day my parents arranged an in-terview prior to marriage for me. I felt irritated and did not want to go at first but finally they talked me into meeting the prospective mate in a restaurant.

I had already passed the age for romantic love. The approaching interview was a substantial step toward mar-riage. If he and I liked each other at the first sight and got along well later on,wedding preparation would be placed on our agenda. Early in the morning that day,Mother walked in and out of the room to get everything ready. Obviously she was in anxiety but I wasn＇t at all. As usual I chatted leisurely with my friend on the Internet and was laughed at for my rusticity. After twelve o＇clock when I came to the restaurant,his family members were awaiting me. He was the same age as myself,genteel-looking and I had not expected he was even thinner than I.

We sized up each other and exchanged a few words absent-mindedly. Tired of his refined manner,I paid more attention to the ornament in the restaurant. Life was short,much shorter was romantic love. Why should we waste time in fixing ourselves tightly to the man-woman relationship?Needless to say,I treated a love affair with indifference although I had longed for it years before.

After dinner,his mother led me aside and asked what I thought of her son. I said he was nice. He leaned forward and said with a smile,“Is there any chance for cultivating a closer relatonship?”Surprised and dumb-founded,I suddenly felt it amusing.

The next day he called to invite me to go on an excursion. I was deeply troubled by the idea that a stranger who had met me just once demanded a chance for closer relationship. To be quite honest about it I felt it pretty good to be accompanied by a young man who could share my sorrow when I felt lonely although I had loudly chaimed nothing but love that could bind me and a man together.

So we started going out together though our date was rather prosaic. As each of us had a job,we rarely had a chance to meet each other. However,he still found time to stroll around the streets or dine out with me. At noon one day,to my surprise,I received an express deliv-ery. I signed for and opened it with curiosity. In it were a crystal rose and a quality assortment of fine chocolates. I remembered my casual mentioning it was my birthday the next day when we went on the excursion. And now he really sent me the birthday presents.

When I still felt excited,he called,asking if I had received the gifts. I giggled and told him the crystal rose was in poor taste. He eagerly said he would send me fresh flowers. A bunch of fresh flowers was really placed beside the door of my apartment next morning.

I could perceive he was a deep man,patient and thoughtful while I,unlike him,was rash and careless.

I could also perceive he did this intelligently in or-der to cultivate love between us while I,unlike him,dealt with it absent-mindedly.

I was seriously aware that I liked but did not love him. I was seriously aware that love could be cultivated gradually. Could we grow the most beautiful flower of love if both of us cared it?

One day we strolled around the streets. He was walking beside me. There were many people and cars were coming in an endless stream. We remained silent because we were unable to find anything to talk about. Sud-denly the cars stopped,and before us appeared a large room through which people could pass. Suddenly I found he no longer stood beside me when he called on the other side of the street.

The flame of our delicately cultivated love suddenly went out. At that moment he left me alone so that each of us stood lonely on one side of the street,and between us were a sea of people and the insurmountable reality.

He walked me home. Standing at the door,he looked sad as if he had been aware of something. He asked if it was really impossible for us to love each other.

Something that one hopes to become true may not real-ly come true. It is as true as the fact that a woman in her twenties must go to size up a prospective mate in an ar-ranged meeting,which however does not necessarily result in her getting married.Maybe this is the reason why I do not love him!