男孩女孩，誰先約誰？

“問”是一門藝術，做學問須敢問、勤問和問到底。那么，面對著自己喜歡的異性朋友時，你也會主動邀請他（她）約會嗎？這個暑假你準備好約他（她）出去玩了嗎？Come and join our discussion.

July Topic

Host: In our society it’s usually the guy who asks the woman out. (Yeah.) Have we seen a change in that?

Ian Kerner (IK): Oh， yeah， definitely! I mean， I think， especially with the 1)proliferation of online dating， there are so many singles out there. And， you know， today women when they are online， they can wink at a guy; they can put a guy in a hot list. I mean， you know， it’s post-Sex and the City. It’s the age of third-wave 2)feminism， but I think many guys welcome women asking them out.

Host: Because I…I don’t think women know or realize it， we feel pressure， too.

IK: Oh， totally!

Regena Thomashauner (RT): I think it’s so frightening to be with a guy， because you’re expected to ask her out， take the rejection， pay for her date， and then of course be 3)psychic and read her mind and to deliver her everything that she wants. And I think if we take a little 4)guesswork out of it and we say， “Hey， you are so cute， would you go out with me?” Oh， it’d be fantastic!

Host: But what about the…what about the flip side which is not so nice—the rejection part of that? What if the guy says no?

IK: Well， listen， I don’t think it’s always about coming out and saying， “Will you go out with me?” I think it’s about being willing to start an interesting conversation with a guy， whether it’s at a bookstore， online， at a movie theater， at a café. And if you start an interesting conversation， the rejection isn’t as significant. I think that’s also about not personalizing and making it about you as much about as the situation.

Host: Do some research. Know his interests.

RT: Absolutely! Because if you go up to a guy—even if you are at a sports bar—and you say， “Hey， I have no interest in sports but you’re cute.” You know， that ’s a start. It is a beginning. You don’t want to be aggressive. You want to be attractive; you want him to be drawn to you because of the 5)fabulous gorgeous woman that you are.

Host: You say， “Don’t go on…on a group date， go on a one-on-one date.”

RT: Oh， yeah， because you want to get to know the guy. You don’t want to be stuck at…in a movie for two hours. And please， above all things， do not invite him to a wedding. It’s so…so 6)inappropriate (Yeah， that’s…that’s terrible!) for a first date.

IK: But I…I think it’s also again just being willing to start an interesting conversation with a guy somewhere and putting yourself out there.

RT: Even a not interesting conversation would work，

don’t they?

IK: No. I think you should always be as compelling， as interesting， as fascinating， as possible.

Host: We’ve got a few don’ts.

RT: I think women are fascinating， period.

Host: We’ve got some don’ts here—don’t be nervous; don’t be 7)vague; don’t be aggressive， (Yeah.) which seems almost an 8)oxymoron because you…you’re kinda being a little aggressive asking him out.

RT: I think you’re being attractive and 9)seductive. Because aggressive is frightening; that’s what hockey players do， and football players， that’s not what a woman does.

Host: And the last one， don’t get frustrated， what do you mean by that?

RT: Well I think that if you go for it， and he doesn’t get the hint， just go for it again; especially if he’s cute and adorable. Don’t be 10)fazed if he doesn’t 11)catch on at first.

七月話題

主持人：社會上通常是男士約會女士。（是的。）現在我們看到變化了嗎？

伊恩·柯納（簡稱IK）：嗯，有了，絕對有！我的意思是，我認為，尤其因為網上約會極度流行，到處都有很多單身人士。而且，你知道，現在女士上網的時候，她們既會向男士眨眼示意，又會把對象加入到熱門列表上。你知道吧，我的意思是，這是“后《欲望都市》”潮流，是第三波女權運動時代。但我覺得很多男士都很歡迎女士主動約會他們。

主持人：因為我……我認為女士們不知道或者還沒意識到，其實我們也感到壓力。

IK: 嗯，沒錯！

雷吉娜·湯馬尚納（簡稱RT）：我覺得對男士來說，壓力大得挺可怕的，因為你們要主動約會女方，遭到拒絕，為女方付賬，接著當然還要與她心靈相通，讀懂她的心，然后送上她想要的所有東西。我覺得如果我們少花一點心思，胡亂猜測，對他說：“嗨，你真帥，你會和我上街嗎？”噢，那就太棒了！

主持人：但那個……那個不太愉快的負面——就是被拒絕那一幕會是怎樣呢？假如男方說不呢？

IK: 呃，瞧，我不認為說句“你會和我上街嗎？”就總是意味著約對方出來。我覺得這更多是試探你愿不愿意與一位男士展開有趣的談話，無論是在書店、網上、電影院，還是在咖啡店里。假如你展開了一場生動的談話，被拒絕就不是那么重要了。我也覺得不要把交談變得過于個人化，不要老是聊自己，也要注意當時的場合。

主持人：做一些調查。了解他的興趣。

RT：沒錯！因為假如你走近一位男士——即使你在運動氛圍很濃的酒吧——你對他說：“嗨，我對體育不感興趣，但是你很帥。”你知道嗎，那便是個好開始，一個開端了。你不想咄咄逼人。你想魅力四射，并且吸引他的視線，因為你便是一位令人難以置信的美麗動人的女性。

主持人：你說：“不要去……去團隊組織的約會，要去一對一的單獨約會。”

RT：哦，是的。因為你想了解這位男士。你不想困在……困在電影院里兩個小時。還有，尤其是千萬不要邀請他參加婚禮。對于第一次約會來說，那

太……太不合適了。（是的，那……那太糟糕了！）

IK: 但我……我還是覺得只要愿意和一位男士在某個地方展開有趣的談話，把自己投入到交談中（很重要）。

RT：即使是談論一個索然無味的話題也可能奏效，不是嗎？

IK: 不。我覺得你們女士應該總是盡可能地引人注目，盡可能地有趣，盡可能地令人著迷。

主持人：我們有一些“不要做”的注意點。

RT：我絕對認為女人本身就很迷人。

主持人：我們這兒還有些“不要做”的注意點——不要緊張；不要含糊不清；不要過分積極主動（是的。），這好像有點自相矛盾，因為你……你主動約會男士這本身就有點積極主動了。

RT：我認為你要展現的是吸引與誘惑力。因為主動出擊是令人生畏的。曲棍球手才會那樣做，足球員也是。那不是女人的表現。

主持人：最后一點是，不要灰心，你的意思是什么呢？

RT：嗯，我覺得如果你做了主動，但他不明白你的暗示，那就再出擊；特別是如果他是那么地帥和討人歡心。如果他一開始不理解，你也不用擔心。

你敢不敢約別人出去？

No way! I am not a wuss at all. Whenever the chance arrives I’d grab it! She may not be the right date but if I don’t ask her out， the right date may pass me for good.

Yeah， I am afraid so. I feel like an idiot if the person whom I ask out on a date rejects me. I’d rather let the other side test the waters first.

Absolutely not. How could someone like me， who has been blown off so many times， be afraid of making the first move? In other words， good or bad， I am well prepared.

It depends. If I get a crush on someone and we click very well， I’ll definitely have the guts to ask for a date. Why not?

Well， the thing that irks me big time is I get nervous easily whenever I am about to ask her out. I guess I’m not afraid but just not ready all the time.

Yes and no. Yes is because I am afraid of being rejected; no is because I want to leave a hint to the guy that I am inclined to approach him.

Boy! That’s hard to say. I don’t want to spoil the friendliness between us if I take the first step. You know， I’d ask her out without a doubt if she appears to be interested.

Yeah. I couldn’t agree more. Basically， I don’t think I have enough money to show her a good time. I’m afraid our first date will fall short of her expectation.

Tips: wuss意思是“膽小鬼”。說話者認為機會來了就要去爭取（grab it意為grab the chance），免得永遠地（for good）錯過合適的約會。

Tips: 不敢主動約會人最普遍的原因之一就是害怕被拒絕。I am afraid so.是個委婉的肯定回答。說話者還用了個比喻，就是被拒絕后感覺像個傻瓜（I feel like an idiot）。俚語test the waters意思是在投入一件事物之前先嘗試一些事情，在這里指先讓對方開口。

Tips: 看得出說話者因被多次拋棄（blow sb. off）已磨煉出堅強的心，不但敢于主動出擊采取第一步（make the first move），還兩手準備。無論結果是好是壞都勇于面對。

Tips: 俚語get/have a crush on sb.意思是“對某人產生好感、一時的迷戀”；click意思是“合得來，情投意合”。指“有膽量做某事”就可以用have the guts to do sth.來表示。

Tips: 原來最令說話者苦惱的（irk sb. big time）是他很容易緊張。be about to do sth. 意思是“將要做某事”。說話者認為不是自己害怕，只不過并非隨時都有心理準備。

Tips: Yes and no.是對問題的一種兩可回答，既肯定又否定，既是又不是，既好又不好。既然如此，其后就要緊跟兩種原因了（Yes is because…; no is because….）。be inclined to意思是“傾向于……；想……”。

Tips: 當表示驚奇、頌揚或厭惡的時候，可以用Boy!這個感嘆詞來表達。說話者不希望由于采取了主動約會這一步（take the first step，與make the first move相近）而破壞了兩人間友善的交往。詞組without a doubt意思是“無疑地”。

Tips: I couldn’t agree more.=I totally agree.意思是“我完全同意”。說話者覺得自己沒有足夠的經濟能力能讓對方在第一次約會中享受到美好的時光，從而達不到（fall short of）對方的期望。