誰說缺憾不是美?

Rebecca sailed through childhood with a minimum of fuss， the usual scrapes， few illnesses and wonderful academics. Michael didn’t sail. He skipped， ran， hopped， rolled， teetered and bounced. The only things he liked about school were recess， lunch and sports.

Mike loved to climb trees， the higher the better. Afraid of scaring him and causing him to fall， I have calmly talked him down， while my heart was in my throat and my knees felt like jelly. No scolding， spanking， or any other punishment kept him from climbing.

When Michael was fourteen， his dad bought him a Honda dirt bike， a purchase that caused me to consider divorce or murder. I had always stated that a motorcycle would take up residence on my property over my dead body. It was inconceivable that one of those deathtraps was going to carry my son all over the countryside—and with his father’s approval!

Somehow， the boy survived. He grew up， married a beautiful， dark-eyed young woman， andfathered two children， a son and a daughter. Michael became a partner in his dad’s business， a dangerous occupation that he grew to love: select cutting of timber. Safety measures are stressed above all else; and most of the time， Michael follows them. Shortcuts， no pun intended， are deadly in the timber. Two things especially are not done: “You never cut down trees alone” and “you cut smart and don’t try to outrun a falling tree.”

One day Michael did both. The tree splintered， snapped and the trunk flew upwards， striking Michael’s head. He remembers being airborne. When he regained consciousness， he was draped across the trunk， one hand still on the running chainsaw， wedged beneath the tree. He freed his hand， but it took three attempts before he could stand up without passing out again. His hardhat saved his life， but I’ve always wondered if his hard head wasn’t also a major factor...that and his guardian angel.

One day I received a call from my son in the middle of an afternoon， a rare occurrence. “Mom， I don’t want to scare you， but I’m in trouble. There’s something wrong with my heart. Joyce made me go to the doctor， and he’s sending me to the ER. He told me I might not live to get there.” Mike’s heart had developed an irregular beat so severe that the doctors were afraid that he would go into cardiac arrest. A heart cath showed no damage， and medicines are controlling the irregularity， for which we are all very grateful.

Don’t ever ask， “What next， Lord?” For years I have fussed at my children and four grandchildren about their laxness in using sunscreen. Most of them get periodic sunburns， sometimes waiting to see me until the redness has faded. They know that I’m going to react with frustration and impatience. I often told Michael that he wouldn’t look very pretty without a nose. That remark came back to haunt me. Mike’s sweet wife finally convinced him to see a dermatologist about a small place beside his nose that bled every time he washed his face. I was convinced that the biopsy would reveal skin cancer， but I wasn’t prepared for the report.

“Mom， I got gypped again，” Mike told me on the phone. I chuckled a bit.

“You have skin cancer， don’t you? Don’t worry， Honey. Doctors can take it right off.” There was a long pause before Mike answered.

“Mom， it’s melanoma，” he said. I felt as if someone had driven a fist into my stomach. I couldn’t breathe. I cried silently. Melanoma kills people！Our families have already lost so much this year! My daughter-in-law’s young brother and grandmother and Mike’s grandmother all died within the year！Mike is already dealing with a heart problem！

The next few weeks were filled with alternating states of fear and hope and faith. Additional biopsies showed that the cancer filled a larger area than first thought， but the doctors were hopeful and encouraging. They felt confident that all of the cancer could be removed and that there was very little possibility that it had spread anywhere else in his body. Their main concern was the reconstructive process， since such a large area would have to be removed near his nose， even a small part of his nostril.

The surgery was successful， and for many days Mike had to wear a bandage in the middle of his face. After it was removed， there was a red， swollen area that wasn’t very pretty; but it improved daily. I didn’t care what it looked like. I was just happy that the cancer had not invaded a vital organ.

The other day， for the millionth time， I looked at my handsome son. With my eyes， I traced the fine line that runs from just below his eye to the curve of his nostril. The surgeons did a remarkable job repairing his face. I told Mike that his scar is a war wound， a badge of honor， regardless of how it looks， and that it adds character to a too-handsome face. He thought about that for a minute before he replied， “Huh! You’re right. It is a war wound!”

I’ve learned that nothing hurts us more than watching our children hurt， regardless of how old they are. I’ve learned that faith isn’t faith until it’s tested， and I’ve learned that we don’t know whether we really have it until we need it. We can walk away victorious in battle， but we often carry scars to prove the victory.

The remnant of cancer on Michael’s face is a line about the width of two strands of thread， a fine scar…a beautiful scar. It’s a constant reminder of how fragile we are， a reminder that we are simply made of flesh and bone， held together with skin. Michael’s scar is a token of mercy， grace， and healing， things I don’t want to take for granted， ever again.

麗貝卡的童年很順利：很少有讓人操心的麻煩事，有也僅是些很平常的擦傷，很少生病，學習成績優異。邁克爾則不然，他很好動，蹦蹦跳跳的，一點也不安份。如果說學校里有什么是他喜歡的，那就是課間的休息、午餐跟運動了。

邁克喜歡爬樹，越高的他越喜歡。為免嚇到他而使他摔下來，我不得不平心靜氣地哄他下來，其實當時我的心已經跳到嗓子眼上了，雙膝也發軟了。我怎么罵他，打他屁股都沒用，任何懲罰方法都無法阻止他爬樹。

邁克爾十四歲時，他爸爸給他買了輛本田的越野摩托車，這曾讓我覺得孩子他爸是不是想要跟我離婚，或是要氣死我。我一直聲稱，除非我死了，否則家里是絕對不能買摩托車的。可萬萬沒想到，我兒子竟然會騎著這么輛奪命險車到處穿山涉水——而且居然還取得他爸的同意！

所幸最終，邁克爾還是平安無事。之后他長大了，與一位黑眼睛的美麗姑娘結婚了，還育有兩個孩子，一男一女。邁克爾成為了他父親事業上的合作伙伴，那是一份他越來越喜歡的危險工作：林木擇伐。對于這份工作來說，安全措施高于一切；而絕大部分時間，邁克爾都會按照這些措施辦事。捷徑，不是開玩笑地說，在這項工作中是致命的。有兩個禁忌是尤其要注意的：“不能獨自砍樹”和“砍樹時要動腦筋，別以為自己跑得快能避開倒下的樹。”

有一天，邁克爾把這兩件不該做的事都做了。那棵樹先是縱裂，繼而折斷，樹干橫飛，擊中了邁克爾的頭部。他記得自己被撞飛了。當他恢復意識的時候，他橫伏在樹干上，一只手里還拿著楔在樹下那把開著的電鋸。他把手掙脫出來，試了三次才成功站起來，沒有再次昏厥。他的安全帽救了他一命，但是我一直在想，若不是他的安全帽，那么他的守護天使會在哪里。

一天中午，我接到了兒子的來電，平時他很少會在這個時間打來。“媽，我不是想嚇你，但是我真的遇到麻煩了。我的心臟出問題了。喬伊斯讓我去看醫生，醫生正把我送去急診室。他告訴我，可能還沒到急診室，我就沒命了。”邁克的心搏異常紊亂，醫生怕他會心搏驟停。謝天謝地，心導管檢查顯示沒有什么問題，而心跳的紊亂也正通過藥物得到控制。

永遠不要問，“上帝，接下來還會有什么事啊？”多年來我都會因為孩子跟四個孫子涂防曬霜時的馬虎了事而擔心。他們大多都會周期性地曬傷，有時會等到紅腫消退后才敢來見我。因為他們深知我會為此而焦慮不安。我時常跟邁克爾說，他要是沒了鼻子，就沒那么好看了。但反而是我卻為這一看法感到憂心忡忡。最終，邁克的好妻子說服了他去看皮膚科醫生，看看為什么每次他洗臉的時候鼻子旁邊的的一小塊地方老是流血。我深信，雖然切片檢查的結果會是皮膚癌，但是對于檢查報告的結果，我還沒做好心理準備。

“媽，我又被騙了，”邁克在電話中跟我說。我輕笑。

“你得了皮膚癌，對吧？別擔心，親愛的。醫生能治好的。”邁克隔了很久才回答。

“媽，是黑素瘤，”他回答。我覺得像是有人往我肚子揮了一拳似的。我幾乎不能呼吸了。我無聲地落淚了。黑素瘤是會死人的！今年，我們的家族已經失去了這么多的親人了！我媳婦的弟弟和祖母，還有邁克的祖母，他們都在今年離我們而去了。而且邁克已經有心臟問題了！

接下來的幾周交織著恐懼、希望與信念。進一步的活組織檢查顯示，腫瘤的面積比之前想的還要大，但是醫生們信心滿滿的。他們很自信腫瘤可以被切除，而且腫瘤擴散到身體其他地方的可能性極低。但因為要從鼻子旁邊切除這么大的面積，甚至還包括鼻孔的一小部分，他們擔心的主要是整形恢復的過程。

手術很成功，許多天邁克都必須在臉上橫綁著繃帶。腫瘤切除之后，切除的地方出現紅腫，不太美觀；但是情況每天都在好轉。我不介意它好不好看。癌細胞沒有入侵到其他重要的器官，我就已經很開心了。

某天，我第一百萬次看著我那帥帥的兒子，掃視他眼下到鼻孔之間的那道優美線條。醫生對他的面容修復做得很出色。我告訴邁克，他的疤痕是戰傷，無論這個疤痕好看與否，它就是一枚榮譽勛章，而且它為一張過于帥氣的臉平添了個性。想了一會，他回答，“哈！沒錯，這是戰斗傷痕！”

我意識到，無論孩子長多大，都沒有什么能比看到他們受傷害而更叫人難過的。我也意識到，只有經得起考驗的信念才是真正的信念，而且我也意識到，直到我們需要信念，我們才知道，我們是否真的擁有信念。在戰斗中，我們能勝利地走出來，但是我們的勝利常常以疤痕為證。

這個腫瘤在邁克爾臉上留下了一道有兩股線般粗的疤痕，這是一道精細的疤痕……一道美麗的疤痕。它時常提醒著：我們是多么的脆弱，我們不過是由皮膚連著肉與骨的血肉之軀。邁克爾的疤痕象征著慈愛、恩澤和救贖，但我不會再將這些視作理所當然的了，永遠不會。