我的時間旅行者朋友

So， I knew this guy from the future. I know what you’re thinking: yeah right!I told him the exact same thing. He kept being from the future anyhow. I asked him， of course， when he was from and he replied that the future of his origin was just far enough away for him not to be bothered by it presently.

He hadn’t come to warn us about anything. No impending[逼近] doom or nothing like that. The immediate future holds nothing but more of life， he said; more work， more hassle[激烈的爭論] and that’s it. What he had actually come for was quite simple: he wanted to be very rich， quickly， with no work at all， and now he could. He had brought with him a list of all major sporting results of our time， and I told him that this was a very Back to the Future thing to do. He replied that this was， in fact， from where he had gotten the idea. He added that any idea worth mentioning from this period of time had， in fact， come from Michael J. Fox anyway. When I inquired about paradoxes[自相矛盾的話] and the continuous flow of time[同time flow]， he shrugged[聳肩] and said that he had no idea and didn’t really care much. He wasn’t the brightestsortin fact， he was very simple-minded， wanting only money and nothing to do all day. In that sense， my friend and I were very much alike. So， of course he hadn’t any idea how the time machine had worked or nothing like that either. I guess it was really bad luck that no one brighter had come to our past， but there you go.

Naturally， he had no money with him， and immediately wanted to borrow as much money as I had so that he could place his sporting bets. I had plenty of crazy moochers[招搖撞騙的人] in my life， so I refused. But he then wrote me a list of all sporting results of importance for the upcoming Sunday and said that he would prove himself to me. And he did， spot-on[準確的] with every single result， and that， of course， changed things for me. I lent him everything I had and some of what I could loan from others around me， and we went to get rich. We agreed to split it all between us and divide the bets out among all the bookies[馬票商，賽馬的賭注者] we could find. By late Sunday we were rich， and we were so excited about it that we went out to celebrate in style[時髦地]. This was， after all， just the beginning of the good life.

As it turned out， though， it was the end of the good life as well. Some journalist noticed us poor-looking saps[笨蛋] tearing up town on a spending spree， and apparently[顯然地] we bragged[自夸] to him about our scheme at some bar very late in the night. He had written an article on it， and the article was published. Then the sports results started changing， as we had somehow impacted the present enough to change the course of everything. During the next betting session we barely broke even[收支平衡]. We still had money left but not enough to base our whole lives on. This got my friend extremely depressed. He said that he certainly hadn’t come back to this crappy[(俚)蹩腳的] past just to be poor again here.

As I returned to work， saying easy-come-easy-go， my friend stayed at home getting increasingly depressed. I was actually worried that some strange time paradox would suddenly cause my friend to vanish， but that didn’t happen. Not in that sense at least. Instead he attempted to rob a bank. I saw it on the news live; he sucked[差勁] at that， too. He tried to drive off from the police on a bicycle which turned out just as ridiculous[荒唐的] as it sounds. I guess they didn’t have cars in the future he came from. Well， the trial was sort of quick and my friend went to jail for a long time.

I see him occasionally， but he has become quite gloomy[抑郁的] to talk to and miserable. When I saw him last he threatened me， saying that he felt that all of our winnings should really be his， and when he got out of jail he would come and take it all from me. Instead， I used what was left of his winnings to pay an old classmate of mine in the slammer[監獄] to rough up[毆打] my friend and discourage this strange idea of his. My old classmate put my friend up in the hospital for a couple of weeks in dire[可怕的] need of extensive dental[牙科的] work. Since then， I haven’t gone to visit him much as things have grown sort of awkward between us.

I fear that my friend doesn’t fit well into this time. But then he didn’t fit well into his own， either. Perhaps that is what it is to be a time traveler not to fit in anywhere but just hurry through one’s own miserable life. I really don’t know， but then what does anyone really know about time travel anyway?

我認識一個來自未來的家伙。我知道你們在想什么:你就扯吧!我就是這樣對他說的。不知怎的，他總能從未來來到這里。我當然問過他來自哪個時代，他說他出身的年代離現在太遙遠了，根本無須在意。

他并不是來向我們發出警示，并沒有什么大難臨頭或者諸如此類的事情。他說，不久的將來除了更多的生活就沒別的了，更多工作，更多爭論，僅此而已。他來這里的真正原因很簡單:他想變得非常有錢，一夜暴富，無須付出，現在他能做到這一點了。他帶了一張清單，上面寫滿了我們這個時代所有大型體育賽事的結果。我告訴他，這簡直就是一部《回到未來》。他回答說，這個點子實際上就是從這部電影得出來的。他還說，這個時期值得一提的想法實際上都出自邁克爾·J·福克斯。當我詢問其中的悖論和連續不斷的時間流時，他聳聳肩，稱自己毫無頭緒也不大在乎。他不是極其聰明的人——其實他頭腦簡單，一心只想發財，每天游手好閑。就這一點來說，我和我的朋友非常相似。他當然也不懂時間機器如何運作之類的事情。我想，來到我們這個過去的不是聰明人，這一點真不走運，然而世事就是這樣。

可想而知，他不名一文，想立即把我的錢全都借走，用來進行體育博彩。我這輩子遇到太多招搖撞騙的瘋子了，所以我拒絕了。但是他給我寫了一張清單，上面有本周日所有重大體育賽事的結果，揚言要向我證明自己的能耐。他真的做到了，每一個結果都準確無誤。這一下子改變了我的看法。我把自己的所有財產和從身邊的人借來的錢全都借給他，我們一起出去發財。我們一致決定兩人平分這筆錢，把錢投到我們能找到的所有賽馬投注站。到周日晚上，我們已經非常富有，興高采烈地來次時髦的慶祝。畢竟，這只是美好生活的開始。

然而，隨著事情的發展，這同時也是美好生活的結束。一位記者看到我們這兩個笨蛋一副窮酸樣，卻橫掃全鎮瘋狂購物——而很顯然，我們午夜時分在某個酒吧里向他炫耀了我們的大計。他隨即撰寫了一篇關于此事的文章，并刊登出來。隨后，體育賽事的結果開始發生變化，因為我們已經在某種程度上對“現在”造成了足夠大的影響，改變了一切事情的發展。在下一個博彩季，我們勉強做到不賠不賺。我們還剩下一點錢，但已經不足以維持兩人一輩子的全部生計。這讓我的朋友極為沮喪。他說自己絕對不是為了再次過上苦日子才來到這蹩腳的過去。

我返回工作崗位，感嘆著“來也匆匆，去也匆匆”，而我的朋友則一直呆在家里，日漸沮喪。我很擔心某個奇怪的時間悖論會讓我的朋友突然消失，不過這終究沒有發生。至少不是以那種方式。他試圖搶劫銀行。我看到新聞的現場直播——他一點也不擅長打劫。他騎著自行車，企圖擺脫警察，這就跟聽起來一樣荒唐。我猜他的那個未來肯定沒有汽車。審判很快結束，我的朋友要被關進監獄很長一段時間。

我偶爾去探望他，不過他的言行越發陰郁，也越來越可悲了。我上一次見他時，他威脅說他認為我們贏得的全部錢財應該歸他所有，他出獄后一定會回來向我討回所有金錢。而我則用他剩下的錢買通我在監獄里的一個老同學，讓老同學給他一點顏色看看，打消他那個奇怪的念頭。我的老同學把我的朋友送進了醫院，他要在那里接受幾個星期的全面牙科治療。從那以后，我就不怎么去看他了，因為我們的關系已經變得尷尬無比。

我想我的朋友在這個時代不怎么如魚得水，然而他在屬于自己的時代也混不開。也許這就是作為一個時間旅行者的無奈——在哪一個地方都無法適應，只是匆匆地過著自己可悲的生活。我也不知道是不是這樣，然而誰又真正了解時間旅行那些事兒呢?