停不了的成長腳步

It really was crowded and I have no idea why. I was at the local mall on one of my getaway-from-it-all visits. When things begin to blur and my mind is nearly at a dead stop， I know it’s time to take a break. In the winter I head for the mall. It goes back to my childhood when we would go window shopping on a Saturday evening just to get out of the house for a while. We also sat in our car at a local shopping centre munching on a favorite treat and just watching people as they walked by. So sitting in the mall is a comfortable place for me. I don’t stay long. You’ll never see me slumped over snoring like some of the old guys. I don’t gather with others in conversation nor do I bring a deck of cards and sit in the food court. I reenergize and move on.

Today though， my people watching skills were at a peak. The place was buzzing. There were three benches gathered together facing each other and I was fortunate to find one spot at the end. There was a mix of people of all ages and a constant flow of shoppers passing by. Suddenly there was a bit of a ruckus. A beautiful young girl appearing to be about 12 years old approached a woman sitting on the bench nearby me. The woman said， “Why don’t you sit with me for a while?” She seemed quiet and a bit reflective at first glance， but suddenly started to moan and whine about things. There obviously wasn’t room for her and she became quite upset.

“But where do I fit in? There’s nowhere for me to be. I just want to be somebody…be happy…belong!” the young girl said.

There was more to this than not having a seat on the bench. This was a young lady struggling to discover who she was and where she belonged. I was about to offer my seat to her when an older gentleman sitting next to the woman got up and left. I think he just didn’t want to get involved. But if you know me by now， I saw this as an opportunity to jump right in.

“It’s not just a seat you’re looking for is it?” I said as I looked at the young girl.

“What? Are you talking to me?” she said. “Yes， I am.” I replied

“No， it’s not just a seat.” she said

“I can’t tell you I remember being your age. But I can tell you that somewhere about that time is when I started to hurt.” was my response.

“You hurt? Was there something wrong?” she said

“Not hurt in a physical， somebody-beat-me-up kind of way. But I hurt all over because I wanted to fit in with life. Not just friends， but the world. Not just school， but when I looked in the mirror. I wanted to see me. I didn’t even know who that was I was looking at.”

“Mum， see he knows how I feel，” she said as she turned toward the lady next to her.

“Sir， I’ve been telling her the same thing. But because I’m her mum， it doesn’t sound the same. It sounds like criticism，” the woman said.

“I know. I have two sons. I am trying to find an interpreter who speaks youth，” I said with a laugh.

Then looking at the young girl I said， “I wish I could tell you that this will all go away. It never goes away， it evolves. It changes from these issues of youth into new challenges of life， of growing up and then growing old. Oh， you will get a sense of who you are. You will one day suddenly seem to understand what you want. But the world changes right along with you and suddenly those dreams that once were so important to you fade in comparison to new visions. Things that you could not possibly see then， but were in truth there all along will suddenly appear. You’ll look in the mirror many times in your life and question yourself. It’s good to do that. Because you can’t lie to that person. You can’t pretend to be something or someone else. That reflection doesn’t lie.”

“So I’ll struggle with this forever?” she asked me.

“No， you’ll struggle now until you realize the value of the search for the real you. Believe it or not this is a good thing. You are like a rose. Until now you were just a small bud developing and growing. Now you are starting to bloom， open up. These outside petals are the questions you just asked: Where do I fit in? I just want to be somebody...be happy...belong! You are just opening up to the beauty that’s inside you，” I said.

“But maybe I don’t want to be a rose，” she said smartly.

“Great! Then start with that. Ask yourself——if I were a flower what would I want to be? Then be it! Excellent! Don’t settle for a rose. Be a petunia， a daisy， a violet! Then think how that flower lives. How does it grow? What does it need to grow? How does it possibly get so beautiful when it started out from nothing?”

“But I’ve been growing too long!” she said.

Then I shared this story:

“In the far East the people plant a tree called the Chinese bamboo. During the first four years they water and fertilize the plant with seemingly little or no results. Then the fifth year they again apply water and fertilizer. In five weeks’ time the tree grows 90 feet.”

“Wow，” she said.

“Now my question to you is: did it grow 90 feet in five weeks or five years?”

She thought for a moment and then with a relaxing sigh quietly said， “Five years and I’ve decided that I don’t want to be a flower at all. I want to be a bamboo!”

We all laughed. The young girl turned and hugged her mum. I stood up and said my goodbyes and as I turned around to look at them one more time， I swear when the young girl stood up， she looked so much taller. I think perhaps she grew up a little today. But we never stop growing.

那里真是擁擠不堪，而我不清楚為何會這樣。當時我在本地的一個購物商場里。每次，當我想逃離一切，我就會來這里，而當時就是這種狀況。當一些事開始讓我感到茫然，而我的腦子近乎無法思考時，我知道是時候休息一下了。在冬日里，我前往這個購物商場。這一切可追溯到童年時期，那時，在周六晚上，我們會去逛櫥窗，只為了逃離家一會兒。來到本地的購物中心，我們還會坐在我們的車里一邊津津有味地嚼著我們愛吃的食物，一邊只是看著那些走過的人。因而，對我來說，坐在購物商場里讓我感覺很舒適。我不會停留太久。你決不會看見我像一些老家伙一般癱倒在那，鼾聲如雷。我不會和其他人聚在一塊兒交談，也不會帶上一副紙牌坐在美食廣場里。我補充一番精力后，然后就會繼續前行。

而那天，我的觀人技能達到了頂峰。廣場里人聲嘈雜，有一處擺著三張長凳，相向而設，我幸運地在長凳的末端找到了一個位置。凳子上坐著的一眾人等各個年齡層的都有，而旁邊的購物人流不斷。突然發生了一陣小騷動。一個看上去大概12歲的漂亮小女孩走近坐在我旁邊的那位女士。那位女士說:“來和我坐一會兒吧。”那個女孩乍看上去似乎很恬靜，還有點處于沉思的狀態中，但突然，她開始就一些事抱怨和發起牢騷來。很明顯，她沒有空位可以坐，她變得很沮喪。

“我哪里擠得進去?根本沒位置讓我容身。我只想出人頭地……只想快樂……只想找到自己的位置!”那個小女孩說道。

這問題不僅僅是在長凳上找不到位置這么簡單。這是個苦于尋覓真我、追求歸屬的小女孩。我正要把我的位置讓給她，這時，坐在那位女士旁邊的一位年長的先生站了起來，走開了。我想他只是不想摻合在其中。但如果你現在對我有幾分了解，你就知道，我會把握機會“插”上一腳。

“你在尋找的不僅僅是一個座位，對吧?”我看著那個小女孩說道。 “什么?你是在和我說話嗎?”她說。

“是的，我是在和你說話。”我答道。

“是的，不只是一個座位。”她說。

“我不能說還記得自己在你這個年紀時的一切。但我可以告訴你，我大約就在你這個年齡開始會覺得受傷。”這是我的回答。

“受傷?發生什么不好的事了嗎?”她說。

“不是身體上被別人痛打所受的那種傷。但我渾身傷痛，因為我想適應生活。不只是與人交朋友，而是適應整個世界。不僅是在學校里，還有當我照鏡子的時候。我想看清自己。我甚至不知道鏡中那個我在盯著的人是誰。”

“媽媽，你看，他了解我的感受，”她轉向坐在她旁邊的那位女士說道。

“先生，我一直都是這樣和她說的，但因為我是她的媽媽，所以她聽起這些話來感覺就不一樣。我說這些話，她會覺得是批評指責。”那位女士說道。

“我懂。我就有兩個兒子。我一直想找個懂得說‘青春’的語言的人給我翻譯，”我笑著說。

接著，我看著那個小女孩，說道:“我真希望能告訴你這種感覺會消失。可事實上，它從來不會消失，而是會不斷演變。它會從青春期的這些糾結，轉變成人生成長衰老歷程中的新挑戰。噢，你會對自己有所了解。某天，你會突然似乎明白了自己想要什么。但世界恰恰和你一塊兒發生變化，突然，那些曾對你如此重要的夢想會褪去，取而代之的是新的目標企求。那些以往你無法看到卻實際上與你如影相隨的東西會突然顯現。你一生中會多次直視鏡子，質問自己。這么做是有益的。因為你無法對鏡中的人撒謊。你無法裝成別的某個事物或某個人。那鏡中影像是不會撒謊。”

“那么，我將永遠掙扎在其中?”她問我。

“不，你現在處于掙扎中，直到你意識到尋找真實自我的價值所在。不管你相信與否，這是件有益的事。你就像一朵玫瑰。此前，你不過是一顆小蓓蕾，在發展成長著。現在，你開始開花、綻放。這些最外面的花瓣是你剛才問的問題:哪里才有我的一席之地?我只想出人頭地……只想快樂……只想找到自己的位置!你才剛展露你內在的美。”我說道。

“但或許我不想成為一朵玫瑰。”她機敏地說道。

“棒極了!那么就從這個問題開始。問問自己——如果我是一朵花兒，那么我想成為哪種花兒?接下來就成為那種花兒!太棒了!不要安下心來做一朵玫瑰。成為一朵矮牽牛花、一朵雛菊，或是一朵紫羅蘭吧!接下來想想你要成為的那種花兒是如何生存的。它是如何生長的?它需要什么條件來生長?它是怎么從‘零’開始，爾后變得這么美麗?”

“但我已經長這么大了!”她說道。

接著，我分享了以下這個故事:

“在遙遠的東方，人們種植著一種名叫‘中國竹’的樹。在種下這種樹的頭四年里，他們給這種植物澆水、施肥，但幾乎看不到一絲生長的跡象。接著，在第五個年頭，他們又再給這些植物澆水、施肥。在不到五周的時間里，它們長了90英尺(約27米)。”

“哇，”她說。

“現在，我給你提的問題是:它是在五周還是五年內長了90英尺的呢?”

她想了一會兒，接著，靜靜地很放松地嘆了一口氣，說道:“五年內。我決定了，我不要做一朵花兒，我要成為一棵竹子!”

我們都笑了。那個小女孩轉過身，擁抱了她的母親。我站起來，向她們道別。當我再一次轉過身看她們時，我可以很肯定地說，當那個小女孩站起來時，她看上去高多了。我想，也許她今天長大了那么一點點。但是我們從未停下成長的腳步。