當媽媽就要放棄事業嗎？

晨塵 馬玉芳

The morning of my daughters first school play I had an appointment1. It was a meeting with a prospective client about a contract that would potentially pay the mortgage for three months.2

I went to the play， getting a seat in the front row. I even brought my mum along in case it overran3. But， not wanting to be late for my appointment， I crept to the back just before the end so I could make a quick getaway.4 My daughter， who was just three at the time， noticed my empty seat and started to cry.

Cue commotion from the other mothers.5 Where had I gone？ From my vantage point just outside the doorway， I heard one say loudly and disapprovingly：6 “Shes gone to work.” I watched as some of the others tutted7 and rolled their eyes.

My stomach went cold. Was it really so terrible to have a career and be a mum？ I was reminded of this when I learned I was going to be travelling overseas for work twice next month. The timing could be better but as a self-employed writer and PR coach I have to take opportunities when they come along.8

But pretty much9 every time I travel abroad for work， I end up having conversations like this：

Female friend： “But dont you feel guilty about leaving your daughter？”

Me： “Not really. Ill miss her lot， but shell be with her dad. I suspect theyll enjoy a bit of quality time together， cooking dinners and watching films I dont like.”10

Female friend： “Youre very brave. I dont think I could leave mine.”

I expect to hear variations of such comments numerous times over the coming weeks.11 I share this because it troubles me that at a time when more mothers are working outside the home （which is a good thing， right？） there seems to be a widespread belief that there should be constraints around the way they work.12

Its OK for a mum to have a job—as long as its part-time， fits around the school run or means she doesnt have to leave the school play early or fly to the other side of the world now and again to earn a crust.13 Its a belief that seems particularly worrying when you consider that， according to the IPPR， a third of Britains working mothers are the main earners in their family （and “low earners” to boot）.14

It also worries me that women are dishing out15 judgment on other women. Im only speaking from my own experience， but Ive not been questioned by a single man about my decision to work abroad a few times a year. “Lucky you！ Send us a postcard，” is the typical response.

Yet during the decade Ive been a working mum Ive received numerous critical16 comments from women about my work choices. There is the friend （whose husband earns a six-figure salary） who said she was sorry if I was offended but she could never leave her baby with a childminder like I did， the relative who said the nursery Id carefully chosen was “like a Romanian orphanage”； and the friend who said I needed to be “less selfish” and put my career aspirations on hold while my daughter was small.17

I think running my own business and travelling with my work when I can （while still taking my daughter to school most days and making pretty much every show or event） is setting a good example for my daughter. It shows her that it is possible to succeed at a time when women in many professions find it harder than men to reach the top and get less pay （latest research from the Fawcett Society18 shows that men in full-time work earn around 14% more than women）.

But I often feel Im in the minority19. Do the women who roll their eyes at other women who leave the school play early or show up late to parents evening because their meetings overran really believe females should only be in part-time， flexible20 work that fits around their children？ That your career has to end—or run on half-speed—the minute you decide to have children？ Or that women dont have what it takes to combine a career with parenting21？

Until women are prepared to support each others career decisions gender pay gaps and glass ceilings will always be part of the conversation about women and work.22

不論在紐約巴黎，還是北京上海，或是任何一個地方，職場媽媽們所面對的困惑并沒有區別。尤其是當孩子還小，需要呵護照料的時候，許多女性放棄職場選擇歸家；也有人認為女性可以有工作，但工作不能太忙，位置也不能太高……難道做了媽媽就要放棄事業嗎？

1. appointment： 任務。

2. 任務是跟一個潛在客戶會面洽談一份合同，一旦談成，接下來三個月的房貸都有可能解決了。prospective： 可能的；client： 客戶；potentially： 可能地；mortgage： 房屋抵押貸款。

3. overrun： 超時。

4. creep： 悄悄地緩慢行進；getaway： 逃走。

5. cue： 提示；commotion： 騷動。

6. vantage point： 有利位置；doorway： 門口；disapprovingly： 不贊成地。

7. tut： 發出嘖嘖聲。

8. timing： 時機；self-employed： 自雇的，個體的；PR： public relations，公關。

9. pretty much： 幾乎。

10. suspect： 猜想；quality time： （用于全心照顧某人，尤指與孩子一起度過的）寶貴時光。

11. variation： 變化，變體；numerous： 很多的。

12. 我之所以分享這些是因為我感到困擾，當越來越多的媽媽出去工作（這是件好事，對嗎？）時，人們好像普遍認為她們的工作方式應該受到限制。constraint： 約束。

13. school run： 上學交通高峰期；now and again： 不時地；earn a crust： 掙錢糊口。

14. IPPR： Institute for Public Policy Research，英國公共政策研究所；to boot： 此外，而且。

15. dish out： 給予（批評或懲罰）。

16. critical： 批評的。

17. 有個朋友（老公掙著六位數的薪水）說如果她的話冒犯了我的話，她感到抱歉，但她絕不會像我一樣把孩子交給保姆而不顧；有個親戚說我精心挑選的托兒所“像羅馬尼亞的孤兒院”；還有一個朋友說我應該少一點自私，在女兒小的時候應該擱置自己的職業抱負。childminder： 代人照看孩子者；nursery： 托兒所；Romanian： 羅馬尼亞的；orphanage： 孤兒院；put sth. on hold： 把……擱置；aspiration： 志向。

18. Fawcett Society： 福西特協會，英國女性平權組織。

19. minority： 少數。

20. flexible： 靈活的，有彈性的。

21. parenting： 撫養孩子。

22. 在女性們準備好支持彼此參加工作的決定之前，男女收入差距和女性的晉升障礙會一直是女性與工作這個話題的一部分。gender pay gap： 男女收入差距；glass ceiling：（尤指婦女、少數族裔成員事業上的）無形的晉升障礙。