8 Mistakes P arents Make with Preschoolers

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Find out how you can avoid these common parenting missteps.如何避免這些常見的育兒錯誤。

Sometimes, it may seem like your preschooler has the innate ability to push you to the outer edge of your patience. And that’s on a good day.

有時，孩子似乎天生就有一種挑戰你耐心極限的能力，而且這算是運氣好的時候。

Fear not, moms and dads. You’re not alone. Preschoolers want to own their newfound independence. But they also want the close attention and love of their caregivers.

Michele Borba, EdD, author ofThe Big Book of Parenting Solutions, says,“These ages (3-5) are among the most active and frustrating in terms of parenting.”

Here are eight common mistakes parents of preschoolers make and some smart fixes to help avoid or resolve problems.

各位媽媽和爸爸不必害怕。你們并不孤單。學齡前的孩子們想擁有他們新發現的獨立空間。但同時他們也渴望父母的密切關注和關愛。

《育兒百科》的作者米歇爾·波巴是一名教育學博士，她說：“就兒童教育來說，這個年齡段（3—5歲）的孩子是最活躍、最令人束手無策的。”

下面是學齡前兒童的父母常犯的8個錯誤，以及一些幫助父母避免或解決問題的有效方法。

1. Straying1 stray (from)偏離，走失。 too much from routines

1. 不守規矩

Consistency is key for preschoolers,says pediatrician Tanya Remer Altmann,author ofMommy Calls: Dr. Tanya Answers Parents’ Top 101 Questions about Babies and Toddlers.

兒科醫生塔尼婭·雷默·奧爾特曼是《媽媽育兒熱線：塔尼婭博士回答父母的101個嬰幼兒常見問題》的作者。她認為，前后一致對于學齡前兒童很關鍵。

When you’re not being consistent with your routine, preschoolers get confused and may act out more or throw more temper tantrums2throw a (temper) tantrums（尤指兒童）耍脾氣，使性子。. Altmann says,“If sometimes you let them do something and sometimes you don’t, they don’t understand.”

如果你的行為前后不一致，孩子就會迷惑，繼而可能大發脾氣。奧爾特曼說：“如果你有時允許孩子們做這個，有時不允許，他們就會迷惑。”

Your child probably wants to know why last time Mommy let her play on the playground for 10 minutes when school got out but this time wants her to get in the car right away. Or why did Mommy lay down with her for 10 minutes last night while she fell asleep but now says she can’t.

Fix it: Be consistent across the board3across the board全體，整體，全面。—whether it’s with discipline,sleep habits, or mealtime routines.

Altmann says if your routine is consistent 90% of the time and your child is doing well, then so are you, and a minor exception may be OK.

孩子可能想知道，為什么上次媽媽允許她放學后在操場玩10分鐘，而這次讓她立即上車。或者是，為什么媽媽昨晚在睡覺時和她躺了10分鐘，現在卻說不可以。

方法：保持一致——無論是紀律、睡眠習慣還是吃飯時的規矩。

奧爾特曼說，如果在90%的時間里遵守規矩，孩子表現不錯，你也沒有問題，那么有一兩次例外是可以的。

2. Focusing on the negative

2. 關注不良行為

It’s easy to hone in on4hone in on磨練，訓練（尤指技藝）。your child’s negative actions—like yelling and screaming—and ignore the good ones.

糾正孩子的不良行為——比如大喊大叫, 但忽略好的行為，這是父母很容易犯的錯誤。

Altmann says parents tend to focus on what they don’t want their preschoolers to do. “They’ll say, Don’t hit.Don’t throw. Don’t say ‘poopy pants,’”she says.

Fix it: Notice when your child is doing something positive, and reward the good behavior.

The reward for positive actions can be your praise, or it can be giving your child a big hug or kiss. “Those types of things really go a long way5go a long way（對做某事）幫助很大，作用很大。with preschoolers,” Altmann says.

Tell your child, “I like the way you sat quietly and listened,” or “That was good when you were so friendly to the child on the playground.”

奧爾特曼說，父母傾向于關注他們不愿自己學齡前孩子做的事情。“他們會說，不許打。不許扔。不許說‘大便褲’。”奧爾特曼補充道。

方法：留意孩子的良好舉動并給予獎勵。

對好行為的獎勵可以是你的表揚，也可以是一個大大的擁抱或親吻。“這對學齡前兒童來說很受用。”奧爾特曼說。

告訴孩子，“我喜歡你安靜坐著聽別人說話”，或者“這么友好地對待操場上的那個孩子，你真是好樣的”。

3. Missing the warning signs

3.錯過警告信號

Parents often try to reason with children when they’re in the throes of6in the throes of正在做，正忙于（尤指困難或復雜的活動）。a temper tantrum, repeating, “Calm down, calm down.” But that’s like trying to reason with a goldfish, Borba says. “You’ve got power immediately beforehand when you can still distract or anticipate. But once the tantrum is in full force, you’ve lost it. The kid is not hearing you.”

Fix it: Figure out and anticipate what your kid’s natural warning signs are,Borba says. The usual ones are hunger,fatigue, and boredom.

父母經常在孩子氣頭上和他們講道理，一直重復說：“要冷靜，要冷靜。”但是這像是試圖和一條金魚講道理，波巴說：“當你仍然可以吸引孩子的注意力或預測其行為的時候，你已經預先迅速掌握主動權。但是，一旦孩子的怒火到達頂點，你就失去了掌控權。孩子不會聽你的。”

方法：波巴博士說，識別并要預測孩子的天然警告信號。這種信號通常表現為饑餓、疲乏和無聊。

So don’t take your child to the supermarket unless she’s napped or you’ve stashed7stash存放，貯藏。a healthy snack in your purse.

所以，不要帶孩子逛超市，除非她已經小睡過或者你的包里放著健康的零食。

4. Encouraging whining

4. 任由孩子哭鬧

Does your child’s whining drive you crazy? For instance, does it drive you up the wall8drive up the wall使發狂。when, right before dinnertime while getting ready to preparing food, your child starts crying, “I wanna go to the park,” or “I wanna go play with Riley.”

Borba says parents often give in to these whines, but this only reinforces the attention-getting behavior. Your child will figure out which buttons to push and then push them over and over again.

“This is the age when your children come out of their shells,” she says.“Watch out, because they figure out what works.”

Fix it: Ignore it.

For behavior that isn’t aggressive,like a whine or sulk, you’re better off if you don’t respond to it at all. If you’re consistent, Borba says, your child will think, “Well, that didn’t work.”

孩子的抱怨是不是快把你逼瘋了？比如，你在晚飯點前正準備做飯，孩子開始哭鬧，“我想去公園”或者“我想和萊利一起玩”，這會不會使你發瘋？

波巴稱，父母通常屈服于這些抱怨，但這只會加劇這種尋求關注的行為。孩子會找到那些按鈕，然后一次又一次地按下這些按鈕。

“孩子們在這個年紀剛走出他們的外殼，”她說，“小心點兒，因為他們會發現哪些招數會有用。”

方法：無視它。

對于不具有進攻性的行為，比如，哭鬧或生悶氣，如果你完全不去理會，日子就好很多了。波巴說，如果你一直不理，你的孩子會想：“噢，這樣做是沒用的。”

5. Overscheduling your child

5. 把孩子的生活安排得過滿

Parents often line up a slew of activities, like dance or music classes. Then they wonder why their child isn’t getting in bed and falling asleep right away after so many activities that must have made her tired.

父母經常給孩子安排許多活動，比如舞蹈課或音樂課。然后，父母就疑惑了——孩子做過這么多的事后，本應疲憊不堪，但為什么還是不肯立即上床睡覺。

The problem, Altmann says, is that they’re still wound up9wound up緊張的，興奮的。and need time to calm down. Every child needs down time10down time停工，休息。, especially preschoolers, she says. Whether your child is at preschool for two hours or there all day, it can be very exhausting.

Fix it: Don’t overschedule your child or shuttle him from one activity to the next. Give your child time to unwind with free play when he gets home from school.

奧爾特曼說，問題在于，孩子們還很興奮，需要時間冷靜下來。她說，每個孩子都需要休息時間，尤其是學齡前兒童。無論孩子在學前班待了兩個小時還是一整天，都可能很疲憊了。

方法：不要把孩子的生活安排得過滿，或者使孩子頻頻往返于各種活動。孩子放學回家后，給他留出時間放松玩耍。

6. Underestimating the importance of play

6. 低估玩耍的重要性

Many parents feel they should sign their children up for enrichment programs to give them an edge. But that’s not really the case.

What’s most enriching at this age,says psychologist Lawrence J. Cohen,author ofPlayful Parenting, is free play. That includes dramatic play (make believe), rough housing, and goofing around.

許多父母認為，他們應該給孩子報名參加各種課程，培養孩子的優勢。但是，事實并非如此。

心理學家勞倫斯·J.科恩是《游戲力》的作者，他說這個年紀最充實的活動就是自由游戲，包括戲劇表演（假扮）、打鬧、消磨時間。

“Free play is how children’s brains develop best,” he says. “In play, children will naturally give themselves the right amount of challenge—not too easy or too had.”

“自由游戲是讓孩子們的大腦發育到最好的方法，”他說，“在游戲中，孩子們很自然地會給自己適量的挑戰——不是太容易也不是太困難。”

Fix it: Allow your child time and space for free play. Remember that preschoolers define play as “what you do when you get to choose what to do.”

Free choice—the voluntary aspect of play—is important, Cohen says. “Preschoolers love to vacuum or do housework, but it’s play. It’s not on their chore list. They’ve chosen to do it and they’re just doing it for fun,” he says.

方法：給孩子留出自由游戲的時間和空間。記住，學齡前兒童把游戲定義為“自己主動選擇要做的活動”。

科恩稱，自由選擇，即游戲中的自主性很重要。“學齡前兒童喜歡用吸塵器清掃房間或者做家務，但是這只是游戲。這并不在他們的日常事務列表里。他們主動選擇這樣做，并且只是為了好玩。”他補充道。

7. Getting distracted by the daily grind

7. 因日常瑣事而分心

Your child may play well independently, but that doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t crave your attention. “There’s something children miss out on if parents don’t get on the fl oor and play with them,” Cohen says.

Not only do parents not get down and play, many parents are too easily distracted by their cell phone, email, or other multitasking. “Kids aren’t dumb,”Cohen says. “They know whether we’re really paying attention or not.”

Fix it: Set a timer, be enthusiastic,and stay involved for your designated play period with your child.

“A half an hour of concentrated play where you give your undivided attention and you’re not worried about dinner or work,” Cohen says, “is better than all day when you’re only half paying attention.”

你的孩子也許自己玩得很好，但這并不意味著他不需要你的關注。科恩說，“如果父母不和他們一起玩耍，孩子們就會錯過一些東西。”

父母們不僅不坐下來和孩子玩耍，還很容易因電話、郵件或其他瑣事而分心。“孩子們不傻，”科恩說，“他們知道我們是否真的在專心游戲。”

方法：設置一個定時器，全身心投入到你與孩子的指定游戲時間。

“拿出半個小時專心游戲，既不分散注意力也不擔心晚飯或工作，”科恩說，“比整天心不在焉地玩耍好很多。”

8. Overreacting to lies

8. 對謊言反應過激

Cohen says lying really freaks parents out11freak out（使）強烈反應，震驚。. He urges parents to see the behavior as experimenting rather than as “a moral thing.”

“When children start to lie, it’s a big cognitive advance,” he says. “It’s kind of exciting and a little bit scary. It has an emotional charge. But then parents freak out and have visions of their child in prison, so they get very tense and anxious about it.”

Fix it: Don’t overreact. Know that telling a fi b12fib謊言，（無關緊要的）小謊。or two is a normal part of your child’s development.

And don’t get hung up13hung up 念念不忘的，過分擔心的。on the lie itself, Cohen says. For instance, if your little Pinocchio is denying he had anything to do with a spill, you can say matter-of-factly, “You feel bad about that and I understand.”

Effective parenting takes time, patience, and love. It also takes remembering that changes may not happen overnight. But as the old maxim goes,“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” And again. ■

科恩說，父母非常害怕孩子撒謊。他呼吁父母將此種行為看作是嘗試而不是“一種道德”問題。

“孩子開始撒謊，其實是一個巨大的認知進步，”他說，“這讓他們有點兒興奮又有點兒害怕。撒謊會有情感代價。但這讓父母很害怕，甚至想象自己的孩子會因此坐牢，所以他們對此非常緊張和焦慮。”

方法：不要反應過激。要知道，撒一兩個小謊是孩子成長過程中正常的一部分。

科恩說，不要過分糾結于謊言本身。舉個例子，如果你的小匹諾曹否認他與灑落的液體有關，你可以實事求是地說：“我知道你很難過，我都明白。”

有效的育兒方式需要投入時間、耐心和關愛。同時也要記住，變化不可能一夜之間就發生。但是正如那句古老的箴言所說，“如果第一次沒有成功，試一次，再試一次。”然后再試一次。 □