讀后續寫新嘗試：挖掘照應續寫點

廣東 龍艷琴

【名師導學】

通常在一篇完整的文章中，作者會圍繞某個特定的主題展開寫作，并在篇首或篇中埋下相應的伏筆，在篇尾再進行符合邏輯且合理的照應，我們把這樣的伏筆稱為續寫點。由此可見，續寫點往往出現在續寫原文中，如果我們能深入解讀原文，挖掘合理的續寫點，并在續寫過程中進行照應，那么我們所續寫出來的段落無論在語言、內容，還是邏輯上都能更加符合原文的基調，更能讓閱卷老師眼前一亮。

【案例導引】

Almost all the possessions had been sold to buy food and clothing for the family.At last,nothing was left but the pet lamb,Daisy.At the thought of parting with the little creature,Mrs Grant felt sad because the children loved it very much.Having struggled hard,she had to make up her mind to sell the lamb.But she could not ask any child to go for the butcher.Finally,she went herself with a heavy heart and bargained with the butcher for the sale of Daisy.

While the children were all playing with the lamb,the butcher and his boy came to the door.“You see,I am here for the lamb,”said the butcher in a loud voice.Hearing this,one child ran to her mother's side,and asked what was happening in alarm.Mrs Grant gently pushed the child aside,bent down and was about to tell the truth.

“That's my lamb now,Charlie!”said the butcher's boy in a playful tone,going up to Daisy with a rope in his hand.

“No,it is not your lamb.It is ours!”said Charlie,placing himself in front of it.

But the boy,pushing him aside,threw a rope round Daisy's neck,and began to drag the little creature away.The poor lamb bleated(咩咩叫)very sadly.The cry of grief which fell upon the mother's ears was too much for her,and her heart sank inside her.In a moment,begging with tearful eyes,the children were all around their mother with voices choking with sobs for their little pet.

“Please tell your boy to stop for a moment,”she said in husky(深沉沙啞的)tones to the butcher.The boy,at a word from the butcher,stopped dragging the lamb,and the little creature stopped bleating.

In a trembling voice,Mrs Grant explained to children how badly off they were after their father died.She also added that the kind butcher had given the money for Daisy.With this money,she could buy her children bread to eat.

注意：續寫詞數應為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

But the more she explained,the more strongly her children begged for Daisy.

Paragraph 2:

The butcher,who had been watching all,was touched in his heart.

本文以寵物羊Daisy為線索展開，講述了貧窮的Grant太太在缺衣少食的情況下，決定賣掉孩子們的寵物羊Daisy。但當屠夫要帶走Daisy時，孩子們非常難過，并苦苦哀求，希望能留下寵物羊。屠夫見此情景，受到觸動……

根據文章的具體內容和所給的續寫段落的段首句，在認真研讀文章的基礎上，我們可以從以下幾個方面入手，全面挖掘續寫段落的續寫點。

一、挖掘背景續寫點

背景續寫點主要指事情發生的時間、地點或人物的身份、關系和事件等。通常，文章的首段會交代故事發生的背景。研讀文章的首段內容，根據“At last,nothing was left but the pet lamb,Daisy.”可知，Grant太太家里一貧如洗，她不得不賣掉唯一的寵物羊來給孩子們買食物和衣服；根據“Mrs Grant felt sad because the children loved it very much.”可知，孩子們非常喜愛Daisy，舍不得賣掉它，而Grant太太非常愛她的孩子們，不能讓孩子們挨餓，卻又不忍心奪走孩子們的心中所愛。

●背景續寫點

人物：Mrs Grant,the children,Daisy(the pet lamb),the butcher,the butcher's boy

事件：There was nothing left but the pet lamb,Daisy.The children loved it very much.

●背景照應方式

續寫第一段可寫孩子們如何請求Grant太太不要賣掉Daisy：

“No,no,no,”they dashed to Daisy and threw their arms around it,begging,“please,Mother!We would rather go hungry than lose it!”

二、捕捉細節續寫點

細節描寫主要包括語言、動作和心理描寫，文章對Grant太太的細節描寫較多，可以作為續寫點在續寫時進行回應。

動作描寫續寫點：bargained with the butcher、gently pushed the child aside、bent down and was about to tell the truth、said in husky tones to the butcher。

心理描寫續寫點：Mrs Grant felt sad、she went herself with a heavy heart。

細節描寫照應方式：（聽到孩子們的請求之后）Hearing this,Mrs Grant was in great sorrow,her heart bleeding.Having struggled hard,she turned to the butcher and decided that she would not sell Daisy and would return the money.

三、挖掘情節續寫點

根據“She also added that the kind butcher had given the money for Daisy.”可知，Grant太太已經收了屠夫的錢，而根據續寫第二段的段首句可知，屠夫受到觸動，那么極有可能，最后Daisy并沒有被賣掉，那么之前屠夫已經給的錢該怎么處理呢？

情節續寫點：She also added that the kind butcher had given the money for Daisy.

情節照應方式：Grant太太把錢退還給屠夫。

四、挖掘矛盾解決續寫點

原文故事的主要矛盾續寫點：Grant太太家一貧如洗，不得不賣掉唯一的寵物羊來換錢，而孩子們卻非常喜愛那只羊，故而舍不得賣掉它。續寫段落應圍繞主要矛盾展開，著力解決主要矛盾。

主要矛盾照應方式：屠夫被孩子們的請求觸動，決定把買來的寵物羊當作禮物送給孩子們。

五、尋找主題續寫點

文章一開始便說“Almost all the possessions had been sold to buy food and clothing for the family.At last,nothing was left but the pet lamb,Daisy.”，據此可知，家里能賣的都賣了，就剩這只寵物羊，所以到故事最后，寵物羊被賣掉了嗎？

原文主題：Almost all the possessions had been sold to buy food and clothing for the family.At last,nothing was left but the pet lamb,Daisy.Mrs Grant determined to sell Daisy for food but the children begged not to do that.

主題意義：本文的主題語境是人與社會，故事傳遞出來的主題意義是和諧友善。

照應（升華）主題續寫：The butcher promised that he would buy Daisy from their mother and then gave it back to them as a gift.Hearing that,all the children gathered round and stroked the pet,their little hearts filled with joy.

六、解讀續寫所給首句，安排續寫邏輯順序

認真解讀兩個續寫段落所給的首句，根據首句內容以及全文的情節發展，合理地安排續寫的邏輯順序，這是非常重要的一步。該步驟可以通過問題鏈的方式進行，即提出一連串有邏輯關聯的問題，然后回答?；卮鸬膬热菁词乔拔鍌€步驟里提到的續寫點，因此，需要把前五個步驟里找到的各種續寫點的照應方式按照邏輯順序排列。

●續寫段落的首句

Paragraph 1:But the more she explained,the more strongly her children begged for Daisy.

Paragraph 2:The butcher,who had been watching all,was touched in his heart.

根據續寫第一段的首句，結合前文故事情節，可設置問題鏈如下：

根據續寫第二段的首句，結合前文故事情節并銜接續寫第一段，可設置問題鏈如下：

【參考范文】

Paragraph 1:

But the more she explained,the more strongly her children begged for Daisy.“No,no,no,”they dashed to Daisy and threw their arms around it,begging,“please,Mother!We would rather go hungry than lose it!”Hearing this,Mrs Grant was in great sorrow,her heart bleeding.After all,she clearly knew that the children had devoted so much love to Daisy and that Daisy was more than a pet lamb to them;it was,in their eyes,a family member!Having struggled hard,she turned to the butcher and decided that she would not sell Daisy and would return the money.Paragraph 2:

The butcher,who had been watching all,was touched in his heart.When Mrs Grant took out the money and gave it back,he just waved his hand and announced,“I will not rob the children of their pet!”He approached the children,patted them on the shoulders gently and promised that he would buy Daisy from their mother and then gave it back to them as a gift.The word left the children standing stunned.Then,looking up at him,one asked seriously,“Sir,do you really mean that?”The butcher just replied seriously,“I mean every word of it.It is our Daisy.My boy and I will come to see it occasionally.”Hearing this,all the children gathered round and stroked the pet,their little hearts filled with joy.

【模擬導練】

閱讀下面短文，根據所給情節進行續寫，使之構成一個完整的故事。

My sister Priscilla and I just came back from a week-long vacation in Portugal with lots of photos.I'll remember so many wonderful things about my trip to the cities of Lisbon and Porto,but one experience in particular sticks out,something that happened on our last night in Lisbon.

Before the trip,I put together a very detailed route of places to see.One of the mustvisit places on my list was Livraria do Sim?o,the smallest bookstore in Lisbon.On our very first day in Lisbon,Priscilla and I searched for it.We found the oldest bookstore in the world.But the smallest one was impossible to find!Back at the hotel,where we had Wi-Fi,I looked the bookstore up again,hoping we'd have time to find it on another day.But our schedule was delayed,and we probably wouldn't have time to look for it.

On our last full day in Lisbon,Priscilla and I took a day trip to Cascais,a coastal town outside the city.We decided,at the last minute,to visit a historic flea market(跳蚤市場).We walked for about an hour,up many steep hills.When we finally reached the market,completely out of breath,all the sellers were closing up,not to mention that we were both tired and hungry.Priscilla and I argued over the directions.I insisted we turn right,which ended up being a right decision.We climbed up more steep hills,farther and farther away from any area we recognized.We made another right turn onto a random street and Priscilla stopped to check the map.Meanwhile,I looked up at the street sign,Rua da Madalena.I'd heard that name before.We continued a little farther up the street,and I spotted a few people hanging out in a lane.There was something particularly familiar about the scene.I looked closer.There was a small store practically hidden in the lane.It had books in its windows.

注意：續寫詞數應為150左右。

Paragraph 1:

Oh my goodness!The bookstore!

Paragraph 2:

Soon,it was time for us to say goodbye.

【評價導思】

1.請歸納本文中的人物描寫，捕捉體現細節續寫點的詞匯或句子。

2.請根據所給出的續寫段落首句，安排續寫的邏輯順序。

3.對比你的文章和范文，它們有哪些異同？