菜鳥(niǎo)學(xué)車，怎能少了駕校教練的嘮叨？

Behind the Wheel

From impatient instructors to common mistakes on the road， here’s a language guide to driving in China

菜鳥(niǎo)學(xué)車，怎能少了駕校教練的嘮叨？

By Yang Tingting （楊婷婷）

Illustrations by Wang Siqi

In October 2021， when traffic police pulled over a driver on the highway in Hebei province， the man had a novel excuse for not carrying a license or ID card： He claimed he was an alien from outer space.

Sadly for the driver， the officers only reminded him that everyone needs a license to drive in China， no matter what planet they come from， so they fined him 1，000 yuan and detained him for several days.

Luckily， almost everyone else on the road in China does have the proper documentation and training to get behind the wheel. According to the Ministry of Public Security of the PRC， China granted over 20 million driver’s licenses over the past nine months alone， with the total number of licensed drivers nationwide reaching over 461 million by the third quarter of 2022.

Driving schools， then， have no shortage of business as they work to churn out licensed drivers. Like in many countries， learning to drive is a rite of passage to adulthood for youngsters in China， though passing the exams is not always simple. Trainees need to learn the traffic rules， various driving maneuvers， and safety procedures， while instructors （駕校教練"jiàxiào jiàoliàn） have to be innovative， patient， and tolerant to improve their students’ skills.

Anxious start

The first step of obtaining a Chinese license is an exam of 100 multiple-choice questions， mostly on traffic rules. You are required to answer 90 percent of them correctly to pass. Then it’s time to get driving， with an instructor sitting beside the trainee as they practice parallel parking， hill starts， and emergency stops. Instructors require patience and clear lesson-planning to help their charges learn：

Pay attention， I’ll take you through the whole process， then you’ll do it yourself.

Rènzhēn kàn， wǒ jiù yǎnshì yí biàn， děnghuìr nǐ lái kāi.

認(rèn)真看，我就演示一遍，等會(huì)兒你來(lái)開(kāi)。

Wear your seat belt， adjust your seat and rearview mirror， hit the brake pedal， press the clutch， put it in gear， lower the handbrake， release the clutch slowly， and then loosen the brakes.

Shàngchē xiān jìhǎo ānquándài， tiáozhěng zuòyǐ hé hòushìjìng， lā shǒushā， cǎi shāchē， líhé fàng dàodǐ， guà yī dǎng， sōng shǒushā， sōng líhé dào bànliándòng zhuàngtài， sōng shāchē.

上車先系好安全帶，調(diào)整座椅和后視鏡，拉手剎，踩剎車，離合放到底，掛一擋，松手剎，松離合到半聯(lián)動(dòng)狀態(tài)，松剎車。

For rookies， this can be overwhelming. Along with the mechanical processes of driving， learners also need to become adept at identifying road signs and obstacles， switching on their turn signals， and controlling their speed. Sometimes it leaves them floundering：

If I pull the handbrake handle first， how about the clutch？ When should I turn the steering wheel to full lock？

Shànglái jiù lā shǒushā， líhé ne？ Nǎge diǎnwèi fāngxiàngpán yào dǎsǐ láizhe？

上來(lái)就拉手剎，離合呢？哪個(gè)點(diǎn)位方向盤(pán)要打死來(lái)著？

Sometimes， even the instructors lose patience with struggling students who seem incapable of understanding basic maneuvers no matter how many times they’re reminded.

Steer the wheel to the right. I said right！ Why are you still turning left？

Xiàng yòu dǎ fāngxiàngpán， wǒ shuō de shì xiàng yòu， nǐ zěnme hái wǎng zuǒ ne？

向右打方向盤(pán)，我說(shuō)的是向右，你怎么還往左呢？

The engine stalled again. How many times have I told you to lift the clutch gently？

Nǐ zhège chē yòu xīhuǒ le， shuōle duōshao cì qīng tái líhé.

你這個(gè)車又熄火了，說(shuō)了多少次輕抬離合。

Gifted rookies

Some lucky newbies， however， take to driving with ease. These talented individuals are known as

天賦型選手"（tiānfùxíng xuǎnshǒu， naturally gifted competitors）. Of course， they are also a source of annoyance to other new drivers still struggling to find the biting point of the clutch during their 10th lesson. But if you ever try to ask them for advice， such as：

Why does the car always end up crooked when I reverse？

Dǎokù wǒ wèi shénme měi cì dōu huì piān yìdiǎnr"a？

倒庫(kù)我為什么每次都會(huì)偏一點(diǎn)兒啊？

How do you drive through that “S” curve？ I cross the line every time.

S wān nǐ shì zěnme zǒu de a？"Wǒ měi cì dōu huì yāxiàn.

S彎你是怎么走的啊？我每次都會(huì)壓線。

How do you avoid stalling on a slope？

Nǐ shì zěnme zuòdào pōdào bù xīhuǒ de？

你是怎么做到坡道不熄火的？

…you’ll find these “natural drivers” rarely have an answer：

It’s just instinct.

Píng gǎnjué jiù xíng le a.

憑感覺(jué)就行了啊。

“Humorous” instructors

Learners end up spending a lot of time with their instructors， so finding one with an easygoing personality is essential for a smooth learning experience. Leaving empty parking lots and hitting the roads for the first time， or entering a highway and accelerating up to 80 kilometers per hour and beyond， can be frightening for beginners， though some instructors （having seen it all before countless times） may have little time for such anxiety.

Student："Coach， I can’t， this is too fast！

Bùxíng bùxíng， jiàoliàn zhè chē tài kuài le！

不行不行，教練這車太快了！

Instructor："You’re still going slower than that e-bike.

Nǐ xiànzài hái méi rénjiā diàndòngchē pǎo de kuài！

你現(xiàn)在還沒(méi)人家電動(dòng)車跑得快。

But when you finally find the courage to floor the gas pedal and accelerate， you ought to stay alert. Even on the empty training roads， accidents can happen. Remember to check your side mirrors and slow down before turning. With bumping into fences， scraping walls， and even rear-ending other cars common in the school practice yard， you’ll soon find yourself thinking：

I finally know why the driving school looks so run-down.

Zhōngyú zhīdào jiàxiào wèi shénme zhème pò le.

終于知道駕校為什么這么破了。

Under the pressure of all the new information， beginners inevitably make basic errors， like mixing up their left and right or accidentally running red lights. Some instructors are not so sympathetic to such mistakes：

You don’t stop at red lights， and you don’t move once they’re green. Is it because you don’t like either color？

Hóngdēng nǐ bù tíng， lǜdēng nǐ bù zǒu， zěnme le？ Shì méiyǒu nǐ xǐhuan de yánsè ma？

紅燈你不停，綠燈你不走，怎么了？是沒(méi)有你喜歡的顏色嗎？

Such quips are perhaps instructors’ way of putting their students at ease. In fact， driving coaches have gained a reputation for making witty comments and have become known for their humor.

Every qualified driving instructor has a dream of becoming a stand-up comedian.

Měi yì míng hégé de jiàxiào jiàoliàn， dōu yǒu yí gè shuō xiàngsheng de mèngxiǎng.

每一名合格的駕校教練，都有一個(gè)說(shuō)相聲的夢(mèng)想。

Even in emergencies， jokes from instructors may help ease the panic：

Student： Where should I put my foot after braking？

Cǎile shāchē， jiǎo fàng nǎli？

踩了剎車，腳放哪里？

Instructor："In your pocket.

Chuāi dōuli.

揣兜里。

Coaches are also known for their 陰陽(yáng)怪氣"（yīnyáng guàiqì， deliberately mysterious or sarcastic） methods of consoling worried learners：

Student："Coach， I’m so scared. I think I’m a “road killer.”

Jiàoliàn， wǒ hǎo pà， wǒ juéde wǒ jiù shì gè “mǎlù shāshǒu”.

教練，我好怕，我覺(jué)得我就是個(gè)“馬路殺手”。

Instructor： Nah， you’re a moving roadblock at most.

Bù， nǐ dǐngduō suàn gè yídòng lùzhàng.

不，你頂多算個(gè)移動(dòng)路障。

Student： Coach， I’m so nervous， what should I do next？

Jiàoliàn， zěnme bàn， wǒ hǎo jǐnzhāng a！

教練，怎么辦，我好緊張??！

Instructor： No need to be nervous， it’s the pedestrians who ought to be.

Nǐ búyòng nàme jǐnzhāng， gāi jǐnzhāng de shì lùrén.

你不用那么緊張，該緊張的是路人.

Tricks of the trade

When you’re practicing inside the driving school， there are ways to game the system by judging distances and turning points via the environment. It could be a moss-worn brick， a conspicuous scratch on the road， an ancient cigarette butt， or a lonely patch of grass growing through the cracks in the paving that act as reference points （點(diǎn)位"diǎnwèi） for steering， accelerating， or indicating. Seasoned students might say：

Each blade of grass in the driving school has its purpose.

Jiàxiào de měi yì kē xiǎocǎo dōu yǒu zìjǐ de shǐmìng.

駕校的每一顆小草都有自己的使命。

New drivers need to prepare themselves for driving in all road conditions， be it heavy traffic， rain， or night driving. Since anything can happen on the road， driving lessons continue no matter the weather：

Student： It’s raining today， so we won’t practice， right？

Jīntiān xiàyǔ jiù bú liànchē le ba？

今天下雨就不練車了吧？

Instructor： Sure. In the future， you should ask for leave from work every time it rains.

Yǐhòu xiàyǔtiān nǐ jiù bié kāichē shàngbān， qǐngjiǎ suànle.

以后下雨天你就別開(kāi)車上班，請(qǐng)假算了。

Bumpy roads， too， need to be conquered by beginners：

Student： Coach， how about you drive this stretch？

Yàobu zhè duànr nǐ kāi ba， jiàoliàn？

要不這段兒你開(kāi)吧，教練？

Instructor： So when you encounter bad roads in the future you’re going to get out and carry your car across？

Nándào nǐ yǐhòu yǒu chē le， yùdào lànlù nǐ yào bǎ chē bēi guòqù？

難道你以后有車了，遇到爛路你要把車背過(guò)去？

For frustrated instructors， tolerance is key. Sometimes it’s best for teachers to take responsibility themselves rather than chastise the poor skills of beginners：

Student："Coach， did I just drive over the line？

Jiàoliàn， wǒ shì bú shì yāxiàn le？

教練，我是不是壓線了？

Instructor： No， I drew the line crooked.

Nǐ méicuò， shì wǒ bǎ xiàn huà wāi le.

你沒(méi)錯(cuò)，是我把線畫(huà)歪了。

The dry， biting humor of instructors lends itself to some bizarre “compliments.”

After seeing you hit the clutch like that， I think you’d be quite suited to flying an airplane.

Nǐ zhège cǎi líhé de jìshù， shìhé kāi fēijī a.

你這個(gè)踩離合的技術(shù)，適合開(kāi)飛機(jī)啊。

Of course， when it finally comes to the practical exam， not everyone passes. Often， despite the weeks of practice and drills， simple mistakes like speeding， poor parking， failing to check mirrors， or even not fastening one’s seat belt are to blame. Many people don’t pass the first time， a fact instructors urge their students to come to terms with：

Student： Coach， what should I focus on during"the exam？

Jiàoliàn， zhè cì kǎoshì wǒ yào zhùyì diǎnr shénme ya？

教練， 這次考試我要注意點(diǎn)兒什么呀？

Instructor： Just the date when you can retake"the exam.

Zhùyì xiàcì bǔkǎo shíjiān.

注意下次補(bǔ)考時(shí)間。

Ready to hit the road

But when you finally pass and get your license， congratulations are in order！ Your instructor may still have final words of advice for you：

Student："Coach， I made it！ I finally got my driver’s license！

Jiàoliàn， wǒ guò la！ Wǒ zhōngyú nádào jiàzhào la！

教練，我過(guò)啦！我終于拿到駕照啦！

Instructor："Keep practicing， and drive safely.

Nádào běnr duō liànlian jiù hǎo le， lùshang màn diǎnr kāichē.

拿到本兒多練練就好了，路上慢點(diǎn)兒開(kāi)車。