On Coming Home1論回家

阿爾弗雷德·喬治·加德納/文　朱建迅/譯

A friend of mine found himself the other day on the platform of a country station in the south of Scotland near the sea-coast. A middle-aged couple were the only people visible， and they sat together on the single form provided for waiting passengers. They did not speak， but just sat and gazed at the rails， at the opposite platform， at the fields beyond， at the clouds above， at anything， in fact， within the range of vision. My friend went and sat beside them to wait for his train. Presently another person， a woman， appeared， and advancing to the other two， addressed them. She wondered what train the couple were waiting for. Was their holiday over？

我的一位朋友前幾日來到蘇格蘭南部海濱的一個鄉間火車站。月臺上能見到的人只有一對中年夫妻，坐在專為旅客候車而設的唯一一張長板凳上。他們不說話，只是坐在那兒，注視著鐵軌、對面的月臺、遠處的田野，以及天上的云朵。確切地說，他們注視著視野內的一切。我的朋友走過去，坐在他倆身邊等候自己的火車。不久，出現了另一個人，一個女人，徑直走向那對夫妻，跟他們搭話。她想知道他們在等哪趟車。他們的假期結束了嗎？

“Oh no，” said the woman. “We’ve another week yet.”

“呃，沒有。”妻子說，“我們還有一星期呢。”

“Then maybe ye’re waiting for a friend？” queried the other.

“那你們大概是在等一個朋友？”那個女人問道。

“No，” replied the woman. “We’re just sitting. We like to come here in the evening and see the trains come in and out. It’s a change， and it makes us think of home. Eh，” she said， with a sudden fervour that spoke of inward agonies， “you do miss your home comforts on a holiday.”

“不是。”妻子答道，“我們就是坐坐。我們喜歡黃昏時分來這兒坐坐，瞧一列列火車進站出站。這是一種變化，讓我們想起了家。唉。”她說著說著，陡生一股熱情，透出內心的惆悵，“在外度假時，你保準懷念自家的舒適。”

I fancy this excellent woman， sitting on the platform to watch the trains go homewards， and yearning for the day to come when she will take a seat in one of them， disclosed a secret which many of us share， but few of us have the courage to confess. She was bored by her holiday. It was her annual Purgatory2， her time of exile by the alien waters of Babylon3. There she sat while the commonplaces of her home life， her comfortable bed， the mysteries of her larder， the gossip of her neighbours， the dusting of the front parlour， the trials of shopping， her good man’s going and returning， the mending of the children’s stockings， and all the little somethings and nothings that made up her daily round， assumed a glamour and a pathos that familiarity had deadened. She had to go away from home to discover it again. She had to get out of her rut in order to find that she could not be happy anywhere else. Then she could say with Touchstone4， “So this is the forest of Arden5： well， when I was at home I was in a better place.”

這位出色的妻子坐在月臺上，眼瞅著一列列火車駛向家鄉，盼望著坐上其中一列的日子盡早到來。依我看，她透露了我們許多人共有的一個秘密，只是很少有人敢于承認罷了。她厭倦了自己的假期生活。這是她每年一度必吃的苦頭，是她在異域他鄉孤獨漂泊的時間。她坐在那兒，而普普通通的家庭生活、舒適的床鋪、食櫥秘藏的美味、鄰居們的閑聊、前客廳的撣掃、購物的辛勞、丈夫的外出和歸來、孩子們襪子的縫補，以及所有日常的瑣事雜務，其中自有一種魅力、一種感傷的情調，但都因熟悉而漸漸淡薄。她得離家外出，以便重新發現那種魅力與情調。她得脫離自己日常的軌跡，以便意識到自己在其他任何地方都不可能幸福。然后，她就能言之鑿鑿地說：“這里是亞登森林——原來此前居家的時候，我是待在一個更加舒心的地方啊。”

It does not follow that her holiday was a failure. It was a most successful holiday. The main purpose of a holiday is to make us homesick. We go to the forest of Arden in order that we may be reconciled to No. 14， Beula Avenue， Peckham. We sit and throw stones on the beach in the sunshine until we get sick of doing nothing in particular， and dream of the 8：32 from Tooting as the children of Israel dreamed of the fat pastures of Canaan. We climb the Jungfrau6 and explore the solitudes of the glaciers so that we can recover the rapture of Clapham Common7 and the felicities of Hampstead Heath8. We endure the dreary formalities of hotel life and the petty larcenies of the boarding-house in order that we may enjoy with renewed zest the ease and liberties of our own fireside.

這并不是說她的假期過得不舒心。她度過了一個無比美妙的假期。離家度假的主要目的，就是誘發我們的思鄉之情。我們前往亞登森林，以便與佩卡姆區比尤拉街14號的生活和解。我們坐在灑滿陽光的海灘上，扔出一顆顆石子，直到我們厭倦了無所事事，想起8點32分發自圖廷的火車，恰似以色列的孩子們向往迦南的膏腴之地。我們爬上少女峰，領略茫茫冰川之寂寥，如此便能重新體會克拉彭公地的迷人魅力，以及漢普斯特德荒野的歡悅氛圍。我們忍受刻板枯燥的旅館生活，以及家庭客棧里小偷小摸的行徑，這樣自能帶著恢復如初的熱情，享受自家火爐旁的輕松自在。

In short， we go on a holiday for the pleasure of coming back. The humiliating truth is， of course， providentially9 concealed from us. If it were not， we should stay at home and never see it afresh through the pleasant medium of distance and separation. But no experience of past disillusions dims the glow of the holiday emotion. I have no doubt that the couple on the platform set out from Auld Reekie10 with the delight of children let out from school. We all know the feeling. “Behold … Beyond …” cried young Ruskin11 when the distant vision of the snowy battlements of the Oberland12 first burst on his astonished eyes. “Behold … Beyond，” we cry as we pile up the luggage and start on the happy pilgrimage. And the emotion is worth having， even though we know it will end in a sigh of relief when we reach No. 14， Beulah Avenue again and sink into the familiar armchair and mow the bit of lawn that has grown shaggy in our absence， and exchange reminiscences with No. 13 over the fence， and feel the pleasant web of habit enveloping us once more.

簡而言之，我們外出度假是為了盡享歸來的喜悅。當然，這一令人汗顏的真相湊巧不為我們所知。若非如此，我們就該待在家里，而不會欣然借助距離與分別重新認識家的意義。然而，往昔夢幻破滅的經歷不會減弱度假的熱情。月臺上的那對夫妻從“老煙城”動身之際，肯定像放學的孩童那般喜悅。我們都知道那種情緒。“看哪……看遠方……”年輕的拉斯金大聲呼喊著，那是遠處伯爾尼高地上積雪覆蓋的城垛第一次驟然出現在他驚訝的眼前。“看哪……看遠方！”我們呼喊著，整理好行裝，踏上幸福的旅途。這股熱情值得擁有，盡管我們都知道，待我們返回比尤拉街14號，一屁股坐進熟悉的扶手椅，修剪我們外出期間變得蕪雜的一小片草坪，隔著柵欄與13號鄰居閑聊往事，感到怡人的慣常之網再度籠罩全身，那股熱情將隨著一聲如釋重負的嘆息而終結。

It is when the holiday is over that we begin to enjoy it. Then we come， as Gissing13 says， under the law that wills that the day must die before we can enjoy to the full its light and odour. We are never， by the perversity of our nature， quite so happy as we think we were after the event had become a memory， and no doubt by next spring the couple who sat on the station platform watching the homeward-bound trains with longing eyes will recall the gay holiday they had without a suspicion that they welcomed the end of it as children welcome release from school. The illusion will only mean that they are a little sick of home again， and that they need the violent medicine of a holiday to make them homesick once more.

假期結束之時，我們才開始對它眷戀難舍。然后，如吉辛所言，我們受制于以下法則，即我們未能盡享其光亮與氣息，而白晝已盡。我們由著自己乖張的本性，當時絕不會有假期成為回憶以后感到的那般愉悅。那對夫妻曾坐在火車站的月臺上，眼巴巴地瞅著一列列火車駛向家鄉。當然，翌年春天，他們將回憶兩人度過的幸福假期，毫不懷疑他們當時盼望著假期及早結束，恰似孩童巴望著早點放學。他們此刻陷入幻想，僅僅意味著他們又有點想家了，需要借助假期這一劑猛藥，重新勾起自己的思鄉之情。

（譯者單位：揚州大學）

1本文選自阿爾弗雷德·喬治·加德納的隨筆集《道道畦溝》（Many Furrows）。

2 purgatory（羅馬天主教教義中的）煉獄；受難的狀態。? 3原義為“流放到巴比倫異域之水邊”。巴比倫為古巴比倫王國首都，后泛指流放地。? 4 touchstone 試金石；標準。? 5 the forest of Arden亞登森林，莎士比亞喜劇《皆大歡喜》（As You Like It）故事的發生地，一個遠離塵世、充滿夢幻色彩的地方。

6少女峰位于瑞士伯爾尼高地，是聯合國教科文組織認定的世界自然遺產“少女峰-阿萊奇冰川-比奇峰地區”的一部分。? 7克拉彭公地，又譯作“克拉彭公園”，倫敦市內的一塊大型綠地。? 8 漢普斯特德荒野，倫敦市內一個古老的大型公園。? 9 providentially天緣巧合地。

10 Auld Reekie 老煙城，英國工業革命時期蘇格蘭首府愛丁堡的綽號，意指該地污染嚴重。? 11此處指約翰·拉斯金（John Ruskin，1819—1900），英國藝術評論家，著有《近代畫家》（Modern Painters）、《建筑的七盞燈》（The Seven Lamps of Architecture）等。? 12此處指瑞士風景如畫的伯爾尼高地（Bernese Oberland）。? 13此處指喬治·吉辛（George Gissing，1857—1903），英國作家，著有長篇小說《新格魯布街》（New Grub Street）、散文集《四季隨筆》（The Private Papers of Henry Ryecroft）等。

Quotes About Coming Home

A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.

—George Augustus Moore

The magic thing about home is that it feels good to leave， and it feels even better to come back.

—Wendy Wunder

Maybe that’s the best part of going away for a vacation—coming home again.

—Madeleine L’Engle

Maybe you had to leave in order to miss a place， maybe you had to travel to figure out how beloved your starting point was.

—Jodi Picoult

There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.

—Nelson Mandela