The People

This is from an interview with Dong Yuhui.

Host： It’s a pleasure to meet you， Yuhui. So when you first started， there was a time that you couldn’t sell.You had very few followers， did you see a point of making that effort？ And why did you carry on？

Yuhui： I wasn’t myself at the beginning when I was trying to sell goods to viewers in front of screen. I defined myself as someone who spreads the knowledge. One day， I learned a story behind a farm product from Gansu province. Young people go to big cities for better jobs.The elderly， lack of care， still need to work in the fields. So， I suddenly realized that I was from a village just like that. I tried hard and learned a lot. And now I have the chance to do the right thing， instead of obsessing with my past as a teacher.

Host： If you were to use just one word to identify what you’re doing right now， would it be a teacher， an influencer， an e-commerce salesperson or something else？

Yuhui： I was an English teacher， but now， to be honest， I am a promoter. But I try to be an influencer in the future. That’s totally different. I don’t think I’m an influencer currently.

Host： What does it take to become an influencer？

Yuhui：You need to achieve something. I haven’t. I define myself as a man from the village， and I try to help the farmers. I can help farmers by introducing or selling agricultural products. But we’ve just started. This is only the beginning.

Host：You keep saying you’re the lucky person， but then for some you seem to be the gifted person. Did you take a lot of effort to look effortless？

Yuhui： I don’t think I am gifted. I started to learn English in my junior high. At that time， I cannot spell the 26 letters in alphabet. So I was very angry about myself with too much frustration. I tried to memorize the words， and I tried to write them down on my hand when I walk. I try to repeat all the time. Elephants， elephants， restaurant， restaurant... That was the way I chose. So do you still think I’m talented or gifted？

Do you think Dong Yuhui is a successful person？ Why？

你校英語俱樂部將舉辦題為“The Person I Admire Most”的英語演講比賽。請你寫一篇英文演講稿參加比賽， 簡單介紹一下你最崇拜的人，并結合事例闡明你崇拜他/她的原因。

原文呈現

The Person I Admire Most

Good afternoon， everyone！ It’s a great honor for me to speak here.

My mother is the person I admire most. She looks very kind. She is not very tall and likes talking with people. She’s always helpful and generous. Helping others is her favourite thing to do.

My mother has sold fruits for ten years. She often gives fruits to her friends and guests， even to some strangers that she has never seen before for free. If someone tastes many fruits， but he doesn’t buy anything， my mother won’t get angry.

when I was young， I didn’t understand why she seemed to be kinder to others than to me. But as I grow up， I have learned that she has a heart full of love.

小作者在文章開頭寫出媽媽的兩個特點——樂于助人和慷慨，并且以樂于助人收尾，但是下一段的事例只表現出了媽媽的慷慨，并未體現樂于助人，邏輯上不太順暢，需要調整。

本段中，小作者修飾陌生人的定語從句有點多余，陌生人本就是不認識的人。末句聽起來像中式英語，用if從句連接，邏輯上并不通順，可用連詞稍加改善。

結尾段的總結與上文的例子也不匹配，未能很好地體現主題，需要修改。

升格展示

The Person I Admire Most

Good afternoon， everyone！ It’s a great honor for me to speak here.

My mother is the person I admire most. She looks very kind， and she is not very tall. She enjoys engaging with people while she’s always ready with a listening ear and an open heart. She’s always generous and willing to share things with others.

My mother has sold fruits for ten years. She often gives fruits to her friends and guests， even to some strangers. Even when some customers tastes many fruits without buying anything， my mother won’t get angry.

When I was young， I didn’t understand why she seemed to be so generous to others. But as I grow up， I have come to understand the depth of her actions. I learned that she has a selfless heart. That’s why I admire her most.

綜合點評

升格后的作文思路更加清晰。小作者用具體的事例論證了媽媽的慷慨，并在文章最后點題，完整地闡述了為何自己最崇拜的人是媽媽。相比原文，升格文在簡單句和復雜句之間的切換更自如。整篇文章結構合理，層次分明，主題明確，行文流暢，不失為一篇優秀習作。