瑟伯作品

詹姆斯·瑟伯（James Thurber，1894-1961），美國著名作家和漫畫家，生于俄亥俄州哥倫布市，1913-1918年在俄亥俄州立大學學習，但不久離開學校，從事報紙工作。1926年，他前往紐約市擔任《哥倫布晚郵報》的記者，1927年加入雜志《紐約客》團隊，擔任主編和撰稿人，發表漫畫和寓言，晚年還曾在耶魯大學執教。他創作了大量散文、隨筆、寓言、故事，主要作品集有《我的生活和艱難歲月》《當代寓言集》《十三座鐘》《奇異的“0”》《瑟伯嘉年華會》《和羅斯在一起的歲月》等。他多以動物代人，運用幽默的筆調來揭示現代社會中的人生百態。

娶了啞妻的鸛

一只丹麥鸛習慣跟一幫男伙伴在外面的鎮子每周都廝混六夜，喝酒、擲骰子、玩配對游戲。自從他娶妻以來，他的妻子就從未離開過那位于煙囪頂上的巢穴，因為他不想讓她了解男人的事情。他通常要到凌晨四點才回家——除非聚會在魯本家里繼續進行。回來時，他總會帶給她一盒糖果，遞給她的時候還一邊講鸛的故事，那無非都是些無稽之談。他會說：“我出去接生了。我快累死了，但我要繼續履行職責。”一天早晨，她問：“你為誰接生去了？”他說：“為人類。沒有別人的幫助，人就不能生出孩子。所有其他動物都能生孩子，但就是人無能為力。從衣食到友誼的一切事情，他們統統都要依賴于其他動物。”就在那時，電話鈴響了，那只鸛拿起接聽，掛斷電話時說：“又一個嬰兒快要生了，今夜我還得出去。”因此那天夜里，他就再次出去了，直到早晨七點三十分才回家。他遞給妻子一盒糖果時說：“蒂希的情況很特別，生了五個女孩。”只是他沒有提到那五個女孩都是二十多歲的金發美女。

過了一會，那只雌鸛就開始思考。她的丈夫告訴過她決不要離開巢穴，因為世界上到處都有為鸛而設置的陷阱，但她開始懷疑這樣的說法，于是她就飛到外面的世界，觀察、傾聽。就這樣，她學會了辨別時間，對男人所說的話有所保留；她發現正如詩人所說的那樣，糖果是花花公子，烈酒能更快催眠；她還發現人類的后代根本就不是由鸛接生出世的。對她來說，最后這一發現是巨大的打擊，但對于那位爸爸來說則是更大的打擊——第二天早晨差一刻就到六點，他回到家的時候，他的妻子冷冰冰地說道：“好哇，你個假產科醫生，今天你那些金發碧眼的五胞胎怎么樣了？”說著就把一塊煙囪上的磚扣在他的腦袋上。

寓意：男性被迫撒謊和閑逛，但女人的位置在家里。

THE STORK WHO MARRIED A DUMB WIFE

A Danish stork was in the habit of spending six nights a week out on the town with the boys，drinking and dicing and playing the match game. His wife had never left their nest，which was on a chimney top，since he married her，for he did not want her to get wise to the ways of the male. When he got home，which was usually at four o’clock in the morning——unless the party had gone on to Reuben’s——he always brought her a box of candy and handed it to her together with a stork story，which is the same as a cock-and-bull story.“I’ve been out delivering babies，”he would say.“It’s killing me，but it is my duty to go on.”“Who do you deliver babies for？”she asked one morning.“Human beings，”he said.“A human being cannot have a baby without help from someone. All the other animals can，but human beings are helpless. They depend on the other animals for everything from food and clothing to companionship.”Just then the phone rang and the stork answered it.“Another baby on the way，”he said when he had hung up.“I’ll have to go out again tonight.”So that night he went out again and did not get home until seven-thirty in the morning.“Thish was very special case，”he said，handing his wife a box of candy.“Five girls.”He did not add that the five girls were all blondes in their twenties.

After a while the female stork got to thinking. Her husband had told her never to leave the nest，because the world was full of stork traps，but she began to doubt this. So she flew out into the world，looking and listening. In this way she learned to tell time and to take male talk with a grain of salt; she found out that candy is dandy，as the poet has said，but that licker is quicker; she discovered that the offspring of the human species are never brought into the world by storks. This last discovery was a great blow to her，but it was a greater blow to Papa when he came home the next morning at a quarter to six.“Hello，you phony obstetrician，”said his wife coldly. “How are all the blonde quintuplets today？”And she crowned him with a chimney brick.

MORAL： The male was made to lie and roam，but woman’s place is in the home.

獵人和粉色大象

從前有一個獵人，他耗費了生活中最美好的歲月去尋找一頭粉紅色的大象。他在中國尋找，在非洲尋找，在桑給巴爾①尋找，在印度尋找，但就是找不到。他尋找得越久，他就越是想要一頭粉紅色的大象。他如此專注于自己的追求，即便是踐踏黑色的蘭花，走過紫色的奶牛也視而不見。然后有一天，在世界的一個偏遠的角落，他偶然遇到了一頭粉紅色的大象，他耗費了十天給大象挖掘陷阱，又雇傭了四十個土著人幫助他把大象趕進陷阱，最終才捕獲了那頭粉紅色的大象，將其捆綁起來帶回美國。

當那個獵人回到家，他發現自己的農場真的不適合大象。那頭大象踐踏他妻子的大麗花和芍藥花，踩碎他孩子的玩具，碾壓周邊的小動物，搗壞鋼琴和廚房的櫥柜——好像它們是裝著漿果的盒子。在那個獵人擁有那頭大象大約兩年之后，有一天，他醒來發現妻子離開了他的床，孩子離開了他的黑板，莊園上所有的動物都死了，只剩下那頭大象，它一如既往，只是褪色了——再也不是粉紅色，而是白色。

寓意：灌叢中的一個負擔等于你手上的兩個負擔。

注：①坦桑尼亞的組成部分，有若干個島嶼組成。

THE HUNTER AND THE ELEPHANT

Once upon a time there was a hunter who spent the best years of his life looking for a pink elephant. He looked in Cathay and he looked in Africa; he looked in Zanzibar and he looked in India; but he couldn’t find one. The longer he looked，the more he wanted a pink elephant. He would trample black orchids and he would walk right past purple cows，so intent was he on his quest. Then one day in a far corner of the world he came upon a pink elephant and he spent ten days digging a trap for it and he hired forty natives to help him drive the elephant into the trap. The pink elephant was finally captured and tied up and taken back to America.

When the hunter got home，he found that his farm was really no place for an elephant. It trampled his wife’s dahlias and peonies，it broke his children’s toys，it crushed the smaller animals around the place，and it smashed pianos and kitchen cabinets as if they were berry boxes. One day，when the hunter had had the elephant for about two years，he woke up to find that his wife had left his bed and his children had left his board and all the animals on the estate were dead except the elephant. The elephant was the same as ever except that it had faded. It wasn’t pink any more. It was white.

MORAL： A burden in the bush is worth two on your hands.