月亮

I was ill， and I was very low.

I was surprised when I realized that I still loved him so much.

It was cloudy again today. Though not five o’clock yet， it was already dark. My parents had not come back yet， so I sat in front of the computer staring at the screen blankly.

Yesterday， when I reread my diary， I sensed that time flied so unexpectedly fast. Half a year had already passed. Half a year ago， we were so happy together.

But for me， it seemed as if it was only yesterday.

Every scene of the past was so clear to me that I could even felt it .However hard I tried， I couldn’t forget it yet.

I was unhappy， really. Sometimes， I even thought I had no prospect.

Once I thought something had completely got out of my mind. But when I faced it， I realized that the reality was so far away from my imagination.

Then， what should I do? Should I continue living a boring and miserable life， or just pretend to study passionately? It was impossible， too.

Sometimes ，I really wanted to flee from this world， and escape all my memories.

I know I couldn’t forget it ， nor could I be free and easy， all because I love him.

It was not long ago that I realized it.

No matter men or women they are ，they would be quite free and easy in front of the persons they do not love. But once facing the persons they love deeply， they would be at a loss and don’t know what to do. To some extent， falling in love means giving up all the rights to be as equal as who your love， that was because you were willing to do whatever for her or him.

So， I understood why he could be so free and easy， and I ， always so at a loss.

I really hate myself. It’s true.

It began to rain outside. The cool of autumn made me tremble. In face of the numerous twinkling lights in the city， I had a kind of lonely and deserted feeling in my heart. Suddenly， I had an impulse to breathe the fresh air outside.

I opened the window. Wind blew over， quickly， cooling my body completely.

It was so cold that I began to breathe out onto my ice-cold hands ceaselessly. While rubbing my hands， I suddenly remembered a story about the winter sun. At that moment， how I wished I were the woman protagonist in that story.

Oh， I began to dream again.

When， could I thoroughly be freed from the life of half dreaming and half waking? I was really unwilling to live my life like that. It was a life without hope and prospect. It was really hard.

It was terribly cold. I put on another coat， wrapping myself up like an injured hedgehog.

I began to miss coffee， the extremely bitter taste fascinated me. I decided， in this lonely and rainy night， to make a cup of coffee for myself.

Opening the cupboard， I saw a pack of bitter coffee in it. I took out an exquisitely packed pouch， poured it into a big porcelain cup with a thick handly that I specially selected.

Boiling water flowed into the cup along its wall， and a lot of foams appeared and revolved. I covered the cup ， waiting patiently.

I never drank coffee with sugar. No reason.

I remembered the last time I drank coffee. It was Mid autumn Day of this year， when I was in a plane to a distant place.

I automatically chose a cup of coffee when waiters were offering beverages. Together with it was a small moon cake. With monnlight， I saw the word on the cake clearly love.

Not too many passengers were on the plane. But of the all the passengers， it seemed as if only I was alone.

In this way， I spent a most unforgettable Mid autumn Day. The feeling of loneliness， stayed deeply in my heart.

When I awoke， coffee had already been ready.

When I took away the cover， hot steam came out， together with a taste that I was familiar with.

I was watching that air current habitually.， It floated towards the sky slowly， rotated， scattered， and disappeared finally. Not until a long time later did I remember to drink the coffee.

The moment I touched the handle of the cup， a stream of warmth spread my whole body through my fingertips.

All sorts of feelings welled up and mixed inside me， and I burst into tears.

It was getting late. The rain stopped， and the sky cleared up .Through the window， I saw a very big and round moon. This was my first time to see her so near. I observed her and found her loneliness and in difference.

Just below her， I sawa shadow， which was as weak as her， floating on the surface of the water.

The moon moved very fast in the sky. But no matter where she went， the shadow in the water followed her tightly all the time. In the endless darkness， the shadow’s pursuing seemed very helpless.

In this quiet night， there were only two ghost like shadows.

I didn’t know whether they had been separated since the earth’s first day.

Time flew by.

Long distance made me more determined to continue to love you.

No illusion， no imagination.

I chose to insist on loving you as before.

I was the moon， and you were the water. Tell me， water， would there still be my existence without you?

病了，我好頹廢。

真的沒有想到，我還是那么喜歡他。

今天又是一個陰天，還不到五點，天已經(jīng)黑了。父親還沒有回來，我獨自一個人坐在電腦前發(fā)呆。

昨天看了日記，發(fā)現(xiàn)時間竟然過得那樣快，一切都已是半年以前的事情了。

可對我來說，似乎只發(fā)生在昨天。

一幕幕的情景，在我腦海里是如此清晰，以至于現(xiàn)在充斥在我心中的，竟完全是當(dāng)時的感覺。我還不能忘記。

有時候，我覺得自己真的很沒有出息。

我曾一度以為一些事已經(jīng)從我的記憶中消失，可真正面對的時候，才發(fā)現(xiàn)真實總是離我的想象差得太遠。

瀟灑，我什么時候才能夠做到呢？也許，在我不再喜歡他之后。可是，那似乎很遙遠，那似乎不可能。

那我現(xiàn)在該干些什么？

繼續(xù)百無聊賴地過日子，還是假裝充滿激情地學(xué)習(xí)？好像也不太可能。

有時候，我真想逃離這個世界，逃開所有的記憶。

我知道我依然還是放不開，我依然還是不能很灑脫，所有的原因，都是因為他還是我愛的人。

我也是最近才發(fā)現(xiàn)。

不論男人或者女人，在他們不愛的人面前都一樣瀟灑，而一旦面對深愛的人，我們都束手無策。對我們來說愛人誰就意味著放棄和這個人講道理，更放棄向他要公平。也許，人只有在不在乎時才有公平可言，而不在乎了也無所謂公平不公平了。

所以，我明白了為什么他總是那么瀟灑，而我，總是那么束手無策。

我好討厭自己。真的。

窗外開始下雨，秋天的涼意讓我瑟縮不止。面對著萬家燈火，我心中有一種說不出的寂寥。突然就有了一種沖動，想呼吸一下外面清新的空氣。

于是，我打開了窗子。迎面，吹來了一陣清冽的風(fēng)，我的身上一下子就涼透了。

好冷啊，我開始不停地向自己冰涼的雙手哈氣。搓手的時候，我想起了那個關(guān)于冬天的太陽的故事。此時此刻，我真希望自己就是那個故事中的女主人公。

哦，我又開始做夢了。

什么時候，我才能徹底地從現(xiàn)在這種半夢半醒的生活中解脫出來呢？我真的不愿再這樣過下去了，一種沒有盼頭的日子，好苦。

實在太冷了，我又加了一件衣服，把自己裹得像一個受傷的刺猬。

我開始懷念咖啡了，懷念那種苦極了的味道和那種心酸的感覺。

不知從什么時候起，我愛上了這種很西方的飲料，它獨特的顏色和味道讓我著迷。我決定，在這個煙雨濛濛的孤獨夜晚，給自己泡一杯咖啡。

打開柜櫥，整整一盒的苦咖啡闖入我的眼簾，我拿個包裝得很精致的一小袋，倒入了那個我特意挑選的大大的瓷杯，它厚厚的把兒曾讓我有一種很踏實的感覺。

滾燙的開水很熟悉地沿著壁流入了杯中，被沖開的泡沫順著水流打轉(zhuǎn)兒。我蓋上了杯蓋，等待著咖啡的成熟。

我喝咖啡從來不加伴侶，沒有什么原因。

我想起了一上次喝咖啡的情景，那是今年的中秋節(jié)，當(dāng)時，我正獨自坐在飛往異鄉(xiāng)的飛機上。

服務(wù)員送飲料的時候，我很自然地要了一杯咖啡。一起贈送的還有一塊小小的月餅，借著月光，我很清晰地看到了上面的字——紅豆。

飛機上的旅客很少，所有的人中，似乎只有我一個人是獨自出門。

就這樣，我度過了最難忘的一個中秋節(jié)，它的清冷，深深地留在我的心中。

回過神的時候，咖啡已經(jīng)泡好了。

我打開蓋，一股熱氣涌了出來，隨著的，還有我所熟悉的味道。

我習(xí)慣地看著那氣流，看著它慢慢地飄向空中，旋轉(zhuǎn)，飛散，最后消失。許久，才想起去拿杯子。

在我碰到杯把兒的一剎那，一絲久違的溫暖順著我的指尖傳遍了全身。

百感交集的我，淚流滿面。

夜已經(jīng)很深了，雨不知是什么時候停了，天晴了。透過窗戶，我看見了一個很大很圓的月亮。這是我第一次這么近地看到她，以及她的孤獨與冷漠。

就在她的下面，我看見了一個影子。一個像她一樣單薄的影子，浮在水面上。

天上的月亮走得很急，但不論她走到哪里，水中的那個影子始終緊緊地眼隨著她。在無止境的黑暗中，她的追尋顯得很無助。

萬籟俱寂的黑夜中，只有這兩個如幽靈般的影子。

我不知道是否天地誕生以來，她們就一直隔著塵世。

遙遠，時光飛逝。

太長的距離讓我選擇一種繼續(xù)愛你的方式。

不再有幻想。

默默的我一如既往選擇堅持……

不知道沒有水的地方，是否還有我的存在。