幽默放送

慚愧的士兵

彼得18歲那年參了軍，他需要參加幾個(gè)月的學(xué)習(xí)以成為一名好士兵。彼得在其他方面都做得很好，但是射擊不行。一天他和伙伴們練習(xí)射擊，除了彼得其他人都沒(méi)有問(wèn)題。他射了9次，一次也沒(méi)有命中目標(biāo)。這時(shí)，教新兵射擊的教官說(shuō)：“彼得，你看來(lái)是沒(méi)希望了，不要連最后一發(fā)子彈都浪費(fèi)掉！去那堵墻后面用它向自己打一槍吧。”

彼得感到非常慚愧，他走到那堵墻后面。幾分鐘后，教官和新兵們聽(tīng)到一聲槍響。

“上帝！”教官叫起來(lái)，“難道那個(gè)笨蛋真的朝自己開(kāi)槍了？”

他急忙跑到那堵墻后面，發(fā)現(xiàn)彼得安然無(wú)恙。“對(duì)不起，長(zhǎng)官，”他說(shuō)，“我還是沒(méi)有命中。”

Ashamed Soldier

Peter joined the army when he was eighteen， and for several months he was taught how to be a good soldier. He did quite well in everything except shooting. One day he and his friends were practicing their shooting， and all of them were doing quite well except Peter. After he had shot at the target nine times and had not hit it once， the officer who was trying to teach the youngsoldiersto shoot said， \"You're quite hopeless， Peter! Don't waste your last bullet too! Go behind that wall and shoot yourself with it!\"

Peter felt ashamed. He went behind the wall， and a few seconds later the officer and the other young soldiers heard the sound of a shot.

\"Heavens!\" the officer said. \"Has that silly man really shot himself?\"

He ran behind the wall anxiously， but Peter was all right. \"I'm sorry， sir，\" he said， \"but I missed again.\"

腦筋急轉(zhuǎn)彎答案

1.He fainted away

2.Windmill

老師和學(xué)生

老師在課堂上向?qū)W生們展示了各種各樣的鳥(niǎo)的照片。然后他問(wèn)其中一名學(xué)生，“杰克，你最喜歡哪種鳥(niǎo)兒啊？”

杰克想了想，回答，“炸雞，老師。”

Teacher and Student

In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students， \"What kind of bird do you like best， Jack?\"

Jack thought a moment， then answered， \"Fried chicken， sir.\"

請(qǐng)朋友吃飯

“親愛(ài)的，”丈夫?qū)ζ拮诱f(shuō)：“我邀請(qǐng)了一位朋友回家吃晚飯。”

“什么？你瘋了嗎？我們的房子亂糟糟的，我很久沒(méi)有買(mǎi)過(guò)東西回來(lái)了，所有的碗碟都是臟的，還有，我可不想做一餐累死人的晚飯。”

“這些我全都知道。”

“那你為什么還要邀請(qǐng)朋友回來(lái)吃晚飯？”

“因?yàn)槟莻€(gè)可憐的笨蛋正考慮要結(jié)婚呢。”

Friend for Dinner

\"Honey，\" said the husband to his wife， \"I invited a friend home for supper.\"

\"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess， I haven't been shopping， all the dishes are dirty， and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!\"

\"I know all that.\"

\"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?\"

\"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married.\"

腦筋急轉(zhuǎn)彎

1. 一個(gè)人被老虎窮追不舍，突然前面有一條大河， 他不會(huì)游泳，但他卻過(guò)去了，為什么？

2. 什么樣的輪子只轉(zhuǎn)不走？

經(jīng)驗(yàn)

“法官大人，”律師為被控的肇事司機(jī)辯護(hù)道：“被撞傷的人一定是自己不小心。我的當(dāng)事人可是一個(gè)有著超過(guò)20年駕駛經(jīng)驗(yàn)的司機(jī)。”

“如果經(jīng)驗(yàn)可以算數(shù)的話(huà)，”控方律師反駁說(shuō)，“我的當(dāng)事人有超過(guò)50年走路的經(jīng)驗(yàn)。”

Experience

\"Your honor，\" the accused hit-and-run driver's lawyer pleaded， \"that man who was injured must have been careless. My client is an experienced driver of more than 20 years.\"

\"If experience is the issue here，\" the other attorney countered， \"my client has been walking for over fifty years.