小幽默四則

李春銀

Who Keeps Breaking the Machines?

My husband maintains machinery at a factory. Whenever my little girl asks me what her daddy does at work, I always say, “He fixes the big machines there.” One time after receiving my usual answer, she said indignantly, “Well, who keeps breaking them?”

誰老在不停地把機器弄壞?

我的丈夫在工廠當機器修理工。每當我的小女兒問我她爸爸干什么工作時, 我總是說: “他在那里修理大機器?！庇幸淮闻畠旱玫搅宋彝瑯拥幕卮鸷? 憤慨地問: “呀, 是誰老在不停地把機器弄壞? ”

An Opposite Example

An aesthetics professors grandson asked his grandfather, “Grandpa, why did you say that all the false are ugly?”

“Thats certainly true. Couldnt you give me an opposite example?”

“Oh, yes,” climbing in his grandfathers knee, the grandson said proudly. “Look at yourself, when you put on your false teeth, you look younger and lively; when you get off them, your mouth looks empty and shrivelled; thats really ugly! Isnt it an opposite example?”

The professor could find no answer.

相反的例子

美學教授的孫子問他爺爺:“爺爺,為什么您說一切假的都是丑的?”

“那當然了!難道你還能舉出相反的例子來嗎?”

“能!”孫子爬上爺爺的膝蓋, 得意地說: “您瞧您自己——裝上假牙后又年輕又精神,拿掉假牙,嘴巴又空又癟,那才丑呢!這不是相反的例子嗎?”

教授無言以對。

Therere Absolutely No Fish!

A drunk decides to go ice fishing, so he gathers his gear and goes

walking around until he finds a big patch of ice. He heads into the center of the ice and begins to saw a hole.

All of sudden, a loud booming voice comes out of the sky. “You will find no fish under that ice.”

The drunk looks around, but sees no one. He starts sawing again. Once more, the voice speaks, “As I said before, there are no fish under the ice.”

The drunk looks all around, high and low, but cant see a single soul. He picks up the saw and tries one more time to finish. Before he can even start cutting, the huge voice interrupts. “I have warned you three times now. There are no fish!”

The drunk is now flustered and somewhat scared, so he asks the voice, “How do you know there are no fish? Are you God trying to warn me?”

“No”, the voice replied, “I am the manager of this hockey rink.”

這里根本沒有魚!

有個醉鬼決定要冰下捕魚，便帶著家伙四下里尋找場地，好容易找到一個結冰的地點，拿起鉆頭便開始鉆。這時突然聽到似乎有人高聲呼喊：“里面沒有魚！”

醉鬼四下看了看，沒有人，又繼續鉆了起來。這時又有人高喊：“我說過了，里面沒有魚！”

醉鬼再次四下張望，一個人影也沒有看見，又拿起鉆頭干了起來。那個聲音又來了：“我第三次警告，里面沒有魚！”

醉鬼嚇壞了，便問那個聲音：“你怎么知道的？難道你是上帝不成？”

“不是，”那個聲音回答道，“我是這個溜冰場的老板。”

Real Forgetfulness

Three old ladies are sitting in a cafe, chatting about various things.

One lady says, “You know, Im getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldnt remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.”

The second lady says, “You think thats bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldnt remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!”

The third lady smiles smugly, “Well, my memorys just as good as its always been,” she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, “Whos there?”

絕對健忘

三個老婦人在咖啡廳聊天。

其中一個說道：“我也真夠健忘的。早上出來，站在樓梯口，我竟然記不清究竟是該上去還是該下去了。”

另一個馬上接著說：“你這就不壞了。有一天我坐在床上，我竟然記不清是該睡覺還是該起床了。”

第三個老婦人一臉得意：“我的記憶力倒是沒什么變化?！闭f著敲了幾下桌子。可一轉臉兒，她開口便問：“那是誰在敲門？”