幽默放送

為我所用

一頭大象對(duì)一只小老鼠說(shuō)：“你無(wú)疑是我見(jiàn)過(guò)的最小、最沒(méi)用的東西。”

“請(qǐng)?jiān)僬f(shuō)一遍，讓我把它記下來(lái)。”老鼠說(shuō)。“我要講給我認(rèn)識(shí)的一只跳蚤聽(tīng)。”

Let me Take it Down

An elephant said to a mouse ,“no doubt that you are the smallest and most useless thing that I have ever seen.”

“Pleas ,say it again .Let me take it down .”the mouse said .“I will tell a flea what I know.”

三個(gè)外科醫(yī)生

三個(gè)有名的外科醫(yī)生正在吹噓他們的技術(shù)。“一個(gè)人斷了一只手，他來(lái)找我，”一個(gè)說(shuō)，“如今那個(gè)人是個(gè)音樂(lè)會(huì)的小提琴手。”

“這算不了什么，”另一個(gè)說(shuō)。“一個(gè)家伙兩條腿斷了，他來(lái)找我，我將它們接了回去。如今，那人是馬拉松選手。”

“我比你們兩個(gè)都強(qiáng)，”第三個(gè)說(shuō)，“一天，我碰到一起可怕的車禍。除了一個(gè)馬屁股，和一副眼鏡，什么都沒(méi)有留下。如今，那人坐在美國(guó)參議院里。”

Three Surgeons

Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. “A man came to me who had his hand cut off,”said one.“Today that man is a concert violinist.”“Thats nothing,”said another. “A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched them back on, and today that man is a marathon runner.”

“I can top both of you,”said the third. “One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident. There was nothing left but a horses posterior - and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in United States Senate.”

祖先

本森是個(gè)波士頓商人，對(duì)自己的書(shū)法和祖先都頗為得意。他給一個(gè)猶太推銷員開(kāi)了張定單后，凝視著自己的簽名說(shuō)：“這字寫(xiě)得真不錯(cuò)。你知道嗎，我有個(gè)祖先在《獨(dú)立宣言》上簽了字。”

“噢，是嗎，”猶太人說(shuō)，“你可比不了我，我有個(gè)祖先在《十誡》上簽了字。”

Ancestors

Benson was a Boston merchant and very proud of his handwriting and his ancestry． After giving a Jew salesman a order，he gazed at his signature and said,“Pretty good writing that．Do you know one of my ancestors signed the Declaration of Independence？”

“oh， well，” said the Jew，“you have not tings on me，one of my ancestors signed the Ten Commandments．”

我輸了

是五點(diǎn)鐘喝茶的時(shí)候了，一個(gè)年輕人因?yàn)檫t到來(lái)向女主人致歉。

“您能來(lái)可真好，瓊斯先生，您的兄弟在哪兒呢？”

“您知道我們?cè)谵k公室里有多忙，我們倆只能來(lái)一個(gè)，所以就擲幣來(lái)決定由誰(shuí)來(lái)。”

“大有趣了！還那么有獨(dú)創(chuàng)性！那您贏了？”

“不，”年輕人心神不定地說(shuō)，“我輸了。”

I Lost

It was at a five oclock tea． A young man came to the hostess to apologize for his lateness．

“So good of you to come， Mr．Jones，and where is your brother？”

“You see were very busy in the office and only one of us could come， so we tossed up for it．”

“How nice！And so original， too！ And you won？”

“No，” said the young man absently，“I lost．”

腦筋急轉(zhuǎn)彎：

1．哪種動(dòng)物像貓一樣大小，和老虎一個(gè)長(zhǎng)相？

2．什么食品東、南、西、北都出產(chǎn)？

腦筋急轉(zhuǎn)彎答案：

1.Small tiger

2.Melon