作文評析

王小柯

【習作要求】

請以My….為題寫一篇短文。要求：有時間、地點、人物，字數不少于80個單詞。

【學生習作】

My Mothers Birthday

My mother is busy. She always busy works(1). She often forgets her birthday.

Last Sunday was my mothers birthday. I invited several friends to have a birthday party for her.

It was five oclock. Everything was ready. The candles were on the cake. When my mother came back to home (2), she was very surprise (3). She asked, “Whose birthday is it today?” We said, “Happy birthday to you!” She was very happy. At that time Lily gave my mother a nice present and said, “I hope you will like it.” “Thank you. Can I open it now?” my mother asked.

“Certainly.” Lily said. “Oh, its a toy panda. How (4) a beautiful panda!” my mother said.

Meimei asked us, “Would you like singing?”(5)“Yes, we would love,”(6) we said. We all sang with my mother.

That night my mother sang and danced like a little girl. She looked more (7) younger than before.

【名師點評】

本文的小作者開篇就寫出母親的繁忙，為母親忘了自己的生日和自己為她準備生日晚會做了鋪墊，同時也教育了那些為了自己過生日講究排場的同學，這也是本文的成功之處。另外小作者能夠把學過的詞匯、語法靈活地運用到本文中去，這也是值得我們學習的，不過還需要在個別詞語用法上

多下功夫。

（1）把always busy works改為 is always busy working，因為busy是形容詞作表語，“忙于做某事”應該用be busy doing形式來表示。

（2）要把to去掉。 home在此句中是副詞，不需要加to。

（3）本句surprise在系動詞之后，要把surprise改成 surprised。surprise具有名詞、動詞詞性，其形容詞有兩個，他們分別是surprised和surprising，其中前者多用來指人，后者多用來指事。

（4）把how改成 what。在感嘆句中how是用來修飾形容詞或副詞的，而what是用來修飾名詞的。名詞前可以有其他定語，單數可數名詞前記住要加上 a或 an。

（5）把singing改成to sing some songs, Would you like…后接動詞時要加to。

（6）在love后面加上to。對 “Would you like …?”問句的肯定回答應為would like (love) 后加 to，因為這是口語中動詞不定式的省略，也就是說to后面的動詞短語省略了。

（7）把more改成much，因為more不能用來修飾比較級。能夠用來修飾比較級的有：a little, a bit, much, rather， far和even等。