ＪＯＫＥＳ

（A）

Woman at movies: If my hat prevents（妨礙）

you from seeing the film， I’ll remove it.

Man: Please don’t bother（麻煩）.Your hat is funnier than the film.

（B）

Doctor: Your pulse（脈搏）is as steady（穩定的）as a clock.

Patient: Well， that’s because you have your hand on my wristwatch.

（C）

Lady(to clerk): I’d like to buy a sweater for my dog.

Clerk: What size?

Lady: I have no idea.

Clerk: Why don’t you bring in the dog and try one on?

Lady: Oh， I can’t do that. I want it to be a surprise!

（D）

Taxi driver(to passenger): I forgot to turn on the meter(計程器) and I don’t know how much to charge（收費）you.

Passenger: That’s okay. I forgot to bring money， so I can’t pay you anyway.

（E）

Father: Where tonight’s paper?

Jack: I wrapped（包）the garbage（垃圾，廢物）in it and threw it out.

Father: I wanted to see it.

Jack: There wasn’t much to see. Only a banana peel（果皮）， a steak bone and some fish bones.

（F）

Mother: Please close the window， son. It’s cold outside.

Son: If I close the window， will it be warm outside?

（G）

Herbie: Are you going to use your bike today?

Henry: Yes，I’m sorry.

Herbie: Good， then you won’t be needing your tennis racket（網球拍）. May I borrow it?

（H）

Student: Professor， how come you use three pairs of glasses?

Absent-minded（心不在焉的）professor: Well， one is for close work，one is for distance， and the third is to look for the other two.

（I）

Fred: My teacher does good bird imitations（模仿鳥的動作）.

Ted: What kind of bird?

Fred: She watches me like a hawk（鷹）.

（J）

Angry diner: Hey， waiter. This soup tastes like dish water（洗碗水）.

Waiter: How do you know? Have you been tasting dish water lately?

（K）

Old man(to boy): I’ll give you 50 cents if you can guess my age， Sonny.

Boy: You’re 60.

Old man: How did you know?

Boy: My dad only gives me a quarter(25 cents)and he’s 30.

（L）

Fahter (in a rage生氣）：Look at all these bills（賬單）!Meat， rice， vegetables...the costs keep going up all of them!I wish just one thing would go down!

Sam: Dad， here’s my report card（成績單）.