高考作文習作點評（２３）

★2008年高考英語(湖南卷)作文題目★

第二節：書面表達(滿分25分)

請從下列人物中選擇你最喜歡的一位，用英語寫一篇120詞左右的短文。要求根據所給信息作適當發揮，且需包括以下三部分內容：

1. 對該人物的簡單介紹；

2. 喜歡該人物的理由；

3. 從該人物身上得到的啟示。

學生習作與點評

學生習作

William Shakespeare

As an outstanding British writer， William Shakespeare has 1achieved 2the respect and love worldwide. Most of his plays and poems， which described the social lives， politics and cultures in Europe， have enjoyed great popularity.

I admire him a lot. He 3accepted little education， but he 4is talented and able to 5learn to 6write a play by self-taught. He was an active person 7kept pursuing what he really liked 8despite of the difficulties. Some of his famous works， most of 9what we 10are familiar， have shown that he was 11a person of great patriot. What's more， his famous comedies and tragedies， like The Merchant of Venice and Hamlet， are a valuable heritage for us to appreciate and study.

I love his words \"Life is a stage...\" He has set an excellent example 12to me， and I will strive to make my life valuable.

原文修改稿

William Shakespeare

As an outstanding British writer， William Shakespeare has won respect and love worldwide. Most of his plays and poems， which described the social lives， politics and cultures in Europe， have enjoyed great popularity.

I admire him a lot. He received little education， but he was talented and able to teach himself how to write plays. He was an active person who kept pursuing what he really liked despite (in spite of) the difficulties. Some of his famous works， most of which we are familiar with， have shown that he is a great patriot. What's more， his famous comedies and tragedies， like The Merchant of Venice and Hamlet， are a valuable heritage for us to appreciate and study.

I love his words \"Life is a stage...\" He has set an excellent example for me， and I will strive to make my life valuable.

整體點評

這篇作文寫得不錯。作者對文章題目理解充分，內容涵蓋了所有要點。段落之間的過渡比較自然，句子之間也有效地使用了語句連接詞，如What's more。比較值得稱贊的是作者使用了很多復雜句式結構，尤其是使用了非限定性定語從句作插入語(Most of his plays and poems， which described...have enjoyed great popularity等)；同時，作者也使用了很多亮點詞匯和詞組，如：outstanding、achieve、despite、enjoy popularity、be familiar with、valuable、heritage、 appreciate、strive to、set an example for等。作者需要進一步提高的是準確使用詞匯的能力，尤其是詞匯的搭配。

難點分析

1. 詞匯搭配不當。Achieve表示 “經過努力成功完成某事或取得某種結果”，一般與aim、goal、ambition、objective、purpose等詞搭配，不能與respect搭配。要與respect搭配，表示“贏得(獲得)尊重”，應用動詞earn、gain或者win。

2. 去掉the。“Respect”和“love”在這里是泛指，不是特指。

3. 詞匯搭配不當，accept應改為receive。Accept和receive都可以表示“接受”的意思。區別是：accept表示主動地“接受”，并伴隨著一種滿意或允諾的意味，常與apology、challenge、invitation、offer、proposal等詞搭配；receive通常指被動地“收到”或“接到”，常與letter、education、report等詞搭配。

4. 時態錯誤，is應改為was。莎士比亞已經去世，所以應該用一般過去時。

5. Learn to同后面的self-taught意思重復，二者取其一即可。

6. 此處的self-taught是形容詞，不能作by的賓語。要表達“自學寫劇本”的意思，此處可改為“teach himself how to write plays”。

7. 這里應該是個定語從句，修飾person。因person表人，且從句缺主語，所以此處應補上關系代詞who，引導從句，同時作從句的主語。

8. 此處作者弄混了despite和 in spite of的用法。注意：despite = in spite of，意為“盡管，無論”。這句話可以改成“...what he really liked despite the difficulties”或“...what he really liked in spite of the difficulties”。

9. What改為which。這里是非限定性定語從句，關系代詞應用which。

10. 此處作者漏掉了介詞with。注意：“be familiar with”是固定搭配。

11.Patriot是名詞，表示人，意思為“愛國者”，因此“a person of great patriot”的說法錯誤，應改成“he is a great patriot”或 “he is a person of great patriotism”。

12.To應改為for。“給……樹立一個榜樣”應用“set an example for...”。

參考范文

Helen Keller

Helen Keller， an ordinary but great woman， impresses the world with her special experience of success. Her moving statement \"...if I had the power of sight for three days\" has touched many people.

Ms. Keller's optimistic attitudes towards life win my respect. As a 19-month-old baby， she became deaf and blind. 1As a result， she lived in a world of darkness and silence. Communication was obviously a challenge for her. Despite these obstacles， she rose to the challenge and never gave up. Under the guidance of her teacher， Ms. Keller learned to read and write. She even went on to become a famous author! 2Given her disabilities and subsequent successes， she is truly admirable.

I believe that Helen Keller is a role model. She exemplifies the fact that no challenge or difficulty in life is too great.

參考句型

1. As a result，表示因果，相當于“therefore、thus、so”。

2. Given 這里是介詞，意思是“考慮到，鑒于”，英文解釋是“taking sth. into account”。

有用的表達方式

outstanding adj. 突出的，優秀的

Many of the most outstanding new breakthroughs have come in the field of genetics.

Professional footballers have to be very， very good， and to play for a leading club they must be outstanding.

提示：outstanding由動詞詞組stand out 演變而來。Stand out直譯是“站出來”，引申為“優秀”。

achieve v. 達到，獲得

The big cellphone company has achieved its goal of setting up ten production bases in China.

It showcases China's hi-tech successes achieved under the 863 Programme.

pursue v. 追求

More and more college students choose to pursue a Master's degree after their graduation.

Having set up a successful property business， Mme Liu has now decided to pursue her childhood ambition of completing high school and attending university.

valuable adj.有價值的，珍貴的

Without air， water and sunlight there would be no living things. Because they are so important， ecosystems try to be very careful with these valuable resources.

Classical art， such as valuable paintings， precious statues and other fine arts， usually ends up in the collections of museums， companies or rich people.

appreciate v. 欣賞

We can still appreciate art works made in the past for their beauty， but they are often too valuable to be placed in public buildings.

The country is now heading for a future where cultural diversity is appreciated and celebrated.

optimistic adj. 樂觀的，積極的

Bankers are cautiously optimistic about the country's economic future. (朗文當代高級英語詞典)

Are you still optimistic that the climbers can be rescued? (朗文當代高級英語詞典)

exemplify v. 舉例說明

The building exemplifies the style of architecture which was popular at the time. (朗文當代高級英語詞典)

This court exemplifies the values of fairness and justice. (朗文當代高級英語詞典)

strive to do sth. 努力(做某事)

[同義] try to do sth.

I was still striving to be successful. (朗文當代高級英語詞典)

rise to the challenge 迎接挑戰

He admitted that the coming year would be challenging but that the industry would rise to the challenge. (網站)

Naylor was one of those men who rise to the challenge of danger. (朗文當代高級英語詞典)

(注：文中未標明出處的均選自高中課本)