如何給文章增添合理的細節

汪海榮

在批閱學生的英語書面表達時,常常發現許多學生所寫的文章盡管語言點齊全,但給人閱后的感覺仿佛缺少一些內容,總顯得不太連貫。其主要原因是學生往往只注重語言點的齊全,而忽視了必須根據文章的內容增添一些與主題相關的細節,或根據文章內容,適當加以發揮。不少學生在碰到此情況時,總覺得無話可說,因此常常寫上一些與主題脫離的話語。那么如何才能有效地根據文章的內容或漢語的提示,增添一些與文章內容或漢語提示較為貼切的話語呢?根據平時學生的習作,結合不同題材的文章,可從以下幾方面進行改進。

一、根據漢語提示,增添合理細節

在一些書面表達中,作者僅僅提供一些關鍵性的詞語,要求學生能根據提示寫出其主要內容,并適當增加一些細節。此時學生應根據這些提示,充分發揮自己的想象力,所增添的細節是否與該提示的含義吻合?，F以一篇書面表達為例,來確定如何對文章進行合理的發揮。

假定你叫李明,是江蘇某中學高三的學生,目前正處在緊張復習迎考的氛圍中。面對目前的壓力,想和父母說說心里話,請你用英文在你的博客上用書信形式表達出來。主要內容如下:

在該文的漢語提示中,敘述了作者當前的狀況,這正是許多考生常常容易忽視的細節,有的學生只顧表格中的內容要點,而不知運用何種形式開啟話語。因此在文章的開頭必須用恰當的話語加以闡明,因為好的文章往往是先聲奪人,會給閱卷教師留下較深的印象。本文的開頭可以用這樣的話語論述。

The annual college entrance examination is around the world. As a senior 3 student, I am throwing myself into my tense studies. On this special occasion, how I wish I could have a heart-to heart talk with you. 通過上面細節的描寫,既論述了作者緊張的學習,又概括了表格中想與父母交心的語言要點,這樣表達會使人對你的文章刮目相看,覺得既合情又合理。

在接下來的語言點中有表示對父母感恩的內容,此時學生不能僅僅局限與表格中的幾個詞匯,而應增添一些內容加以論述。如:Through those years of my growing up, I always feel grateful to you for your help, care and love for me. Thanks to your constant encouragement, I have been making remarkable progress in my studies. I hope to communicate with you and get your frequent help from you because good conditions and timely help will do me a lot of good.

在該段的敘述中,作者表達了對父母多年來對其的鼓勵、關愛的感激,也敘述了自己的學習情況以及希望。其中用了幾個比較好的詞匯進行了表達,如:feel grateful to…,Thanks to…,making remarkable progress等。既概括了文中的語言要點,又在此基礎上進行了擴充,使整個內容得到了較好地銜接。

在論述自己的學習打算時,根據要求須寫三點,此時應從自己的實際情況出發加以論述。如:

Now I am fully aware of the responsibilities I am bearing. For one thing, I will make a detailed study plan and review what I have learned. For another thing, I will do exercises to keep fit. In addition, I will help you with some housework.

二、根據全文內容,增添合理細節

有時在測試中,教師常常要求學生就某些社會熱點問題進行論述。但提供的漢語提示甚少,此時學生應在理解主題的基礎上增添某些細節內容。如:

近期某省教育部門出臺措施嚴格禁止中小學利用雙休日集體上課,在社會上引起強烈反響,尤其是學生家長反應不一……。請根據以上情況,結合自身實際,寫一篇150字左右的短文。文中應包括。

1.家長的反應。

2.自己的看法。

根據該文的內容提示,可將文章分為三個部分來寫。首先寫教育部門的措施和社會反

響,其次為家長的反應,最后為自己的看法。從而使全文有層次感。第一部分可以這樣表達:

How to reduce the students burden has always been a hot topic. Recently the educational department of a province has launched strict rules to ban classes on weekends, which has aroused heated discussion among students parents.

在此表達中增加了減負是熱點問題一句。此句起到了畫龍點睛的作用,為下文的論述作了較好的鋪墊。

文章的第二部分為家長的不同反響,此時最好從正反兩方面加以論述,否則會因為話語較少而達不到表達的效果。該段落可以這樣論述:

Some of the parents are strongly in favor of this decision. They think that after their children have stayed at school the whole week, they should have free time to get relaxed. Besides, free weekends help to fill in the gaps between generations and guarantee the time for the family members to have fun together.

該段落主要論述了贊同的觀點,用兩句加以概括,當然學生在寫作時不應拘泥于這些表達,也可用其它的話語闡述,如:可以與父母有更多交流的機會,得到父母在生活或學習上的一些指點等。在表達時應注意使用適當的過渡性詞語,使句與句之間形成較好的銜接。

在敘述贊同的觀點后,再將不同的觀點加以敘述,此時可將兩部分合為一起。如:

On the other hand, some other parents dont think so. They hold the view that schools are supposed to have classes on weekends. In their opinions, if the students are given more free time on weekends, they will not concentrate on their studies. Some of the students might even fall into bad habits.

第三部分主要是闡述自己的觀點,學生在寫作時最好用三句話加以論述。既可以表示贊同,也可以表示反對。在寫該段落是應進緊緊圍繞個人的實際情況去展開,在文章的最后用一句話進行概括。如:

In my opinion, middle school students should be given more free time. Studying lessons at school is not the only goal of our life. It is also important to put what we learn at school into practice. Furthermore, youngsters often have their good habits and interests. It is necessary to have enough time to develop them.

從該段落可以看出此學生持有反對的觀點,認為學校的學習不是人生的唯一的目標,所學的知識必須運用到實踐中去。值得注意的是不管是贊同還是反對,展開想象的內容必須貼切文章的主題,切勿離題太遠。

三、根據連貫關系、增添合理細節

在寫作時有時為了達到語句的連貫,也可以通過一些過渡性的詞語的使用增添一些合適的細節。使所寫的內容在語句上既銜接又符合邏輯關系。現通過一篇短文看看是如何利用過渡性詞語的形式來闡述內容的。如:

假定你是我市某中學高三學生李華,最近你們班對牛津高中英語教材(Advance With English)的使用情況進行了一次調查,調查結果如下表。請你根據調查內容寫一篇短文,并代表全班同學用e-mail發給牛津英語出版社編輯,并提出你的建議。字數150。

在實際寫作時,可通過運用一些過渡性的詞語的形式來達到增加細節的效果。如:

…For one thing, it has vivid pictures to match the texts, which will arouse students interests. For another thing, the texts are mostly taken from the latest foreign reading materials and the language used is very standard. In addition, every module is closely related social reality, which can help us know the society better.

On the contrary, other students hold the opposite opinion that there are many shortcomings. On the one hand, there are an ocean of words for students to remember them all. As it is many students have voiced their complaint about it. On the other hand, students find it easy to forget whats been learned as the book lacks repetition in its content. Whats more, it is difficult to fulfill the activities in Task and Project in many schools, especially those remote ones.

該文在敘述其優點時用了好幾個過渡性的詞語,一層層地加以剖析,如:在第一段用了For another thing, For another thing, In addition, 等,并用了兩個定語從句進行補敘較好地論述了該教材的優點。其行文流暢,用詞精辟,句式多樣,讀后耐人尋味。在敘述其缺點時我們可以看到也采用了幾個過渡性詞語,如:On the contrary, On the one hand, On the other hand, Whats more, 等。在這些過渡性詞語的后面都有與表格中相應的語言點。這些詞語與上段文中的內容遙相呼應,較好地體現全文的銜接。

在文章的最后一段使用了As far as I am concerned, At the same time等,較好地論述了個人的觀點以及應采取的措施,并用if possible一詞巧妙地結尾,給人以意猶未盡的感覺。綜觀全文可以看出過渡性詞語如果運用得當,全文必然會銜接得天衣無縫,讓人讀后韻味無窮。