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I Feel You

2013-01-01 00:00:00鐘凱紋
中學生百科·大語文 2013年4期

I had a bad day.

I had a bad week.

I had a bad semester.

I screwed up① my prelims② although I studied so hard for it.

I cannot concentrate on my study anymore.

Time is never enough.

I only slept for five hours for the past week.

I do not know what I am going to do in the future.

My parents are probably so disappointed in me.

I do not feel that I have any friend here.

Everyone seems to be in their own group.

I have no one to go to when I am upset.

I do not have a boyfriend. Nobody likes me.

I am no rich or beautiful.

Before I thought I was smart, now I do not feel like that anymore.

I hate Ithaca.

I hate Cornell.

I hate people around.

I feel lonely.

I am the only one struggling with all this shit because everyone else seems to be doing great.

For those who are reading this article, do not worry. Written above is not what I am thinking. However,I do admit that some of the thoughts do creep③ into my mind occasionally. I sometimes feel that I am struggling,lost,or failing. Most important of all,when I am facing difficulties,I feel I am the only one handling these. I cannot help asking myself:“Why is everyone having such an easy, colorful and fruitful college experience while I am struggling with all these craps④?”

This is why I am typing the above sentences here.

I read these sentences at two little tents I ran into one Friday. They are

called“Cornell secrets”sponsored by some Christian groups on campus. There in the sunshine,in the busy Ho Plaza, stand two quiet little tents. Out of simple curiosity,I walked in.

That is where I read all the sentences.

“We asked other Cornellians what they are bothering them and asked them to write down all their thoughts.”So there they are, the slips of paper with angry or frustrated⑤ sentences written. Some of the sentences lie there like they are written by me. Some of the notes are completely new to me. But I have the feeling that they are all talking directly to me.

Being in the tent, I was moved. I was moved when I heard those words telling me—we feel you. All of the frustrating⑥ emotions I have experienced in the past few months are posted on the wall, in different colors, on papers with different sizes, and with different handwritings. Are there also many out there, who feel my pain, who are experiencing the same frustration⑦,same failure, and same stress? Yes. I am not the only one enduring⑧ the pains.

Sometimes,we hide ourselves. We try to show our best to others. We do not want our weaknesses to be pronounced and remembered. I suddenly recall that in the past few weeks,many of my friends have said to me:“I am so jealous of you. You seem to have such a balanced study and social life. You are happy and busy at the same time.”In their eyes, am I the lucky one doing great?

I am the only one struggling with all this shit because everyone else seems to be doing great.

Well,you are not the only one. There are more,some even your friends,who are feeling your pains. Some are having an even harder time.

Maybe you are the lucky one.

I walked out of the tent. The sun shines through me.

① screw up 把……搞糟,擰緊, 扭歪(臉) ② prelim n. 預備考試(通常指期末考試前的小考、月考或段考) ③ creep vi. 爬行,匍匐,躡手躡足地走,緩慢地行進 ④ crap n. 廢物, 廢話, 排泄物,糞便,屎(all these craps在此指“所有這些倒霉的事”,前文的all this shit與此同義) ⑤ frustrated adj. 泄氣的,失敗的, 落空的,感到挫敗的 ⑥ frustrating adj. 產生挫折的;使人沮喪的,令人泄氣的 ⑦ frustration n. 挫敗,挫折,受挫 ⑧ endure vt. & vi. (長時間地)忍受,忍耐,容忍 編輯/梁宇清


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