單身父親血淚史

Author Unknown

My sons mother passed three days after his birth. When we knew she was pregnant we had to make a decision between maintaining care for her known cancer or the child and she made that decision for us. For this reason alone my son is more to me than I can possibly explain. He is both her and himself is because of her sacrifice.

我兒子出生三天后他媽媽就過(guò)世了。當(dāng)初知道她懷孕， 我們就得做出抉擇：要繼續(xù)她的癌癥治療，還是保住孩子，最終她為我們做了決定。正是這個(gè)原因，兒子對(duì)我的重要性簡(jiǎn)直無(wú)法言喻。他是她自我犧牲的結(jié)晶，也是她生命的延續(xù)。

In the beginning it was hard. Single mothers have a hard enough life， but single fathers， get in many cases， the even thinner end of the stick. Many support programs are tailored to single mothers， a lot of books are written from a female 1）perspective and both employers and society look at single male parents from a different perspective.

Since I can not breastfeed I had to make a decision between feeding formula and finding a surrogate. I opted for a surrogate， And while women have access to tools to make this happen， men do not. Walking into a hospital as a man and asking for a 2）funnel machine got me the weirdest looks...

Changing my son on the go is another issue. Many child changing stations are inside the female 3）lavatories， so I had to carry a tarp and often change him one-handed when there was no surface to work with.

Being a single man with a small child 4）raises many more flags than being a single woman. I was pulled over by the cops， on more than one occasion， because I carried a 2 year old 5）throwing a temper tantrum into a car. While I appreciate the 6）diligence of cops and callers， it became very annoying after a while.

Many single mothers I know tell me about how hard it was to find a partner due to their commitments （Why would anyone date a single mom？）. I agree. Its hard. There seems to be a perception that men with kids have it easier， but thats 7）hogwash. Usually it would go like this：“Oh， you have a kid？”—half of my dates lost interest. “What happened to the mother？” “She died”—mood ruined， lucky if you get a second date with someone who doesnt want to nurse you and your son back from bachelor hell.

剛開(kāi)始的日子很艱難。那些單身媽媽過(guò)的日子就夠難的了，而單身爸爸的處境往往更是窘迫。很多援助項(xiàng)目都是專(zhuān)門(mén)給單身媽媽制訂的，很多書(shū)籍也是從女性的角度撰寫(xiě)的；雇主和社會(huì)各界都用一種不同的眼光看待單身父親。

由于我自己無(wú)法給兒子進(jìn)行母乳喂養(yǎng)，我就得決定，是給他喂配方奶呢，還是給他找代母喂哺母乳。我選擇給他找代母，可是這件事女人之間好幫忙，男人做起來(lái)卻處處碰壁，我一個(gè)大男人到醫(yī)院里去，找人給我兒子喂奶，結(jié)果得到的是最奇怪的表情……

在外頭給兒子換尿布是另一個(gè)大問(wèn)題。很多嬰兒換尿布臺(tái)都是放在女洗手間里，因此我必須隨身帶一塊防水布，在沒(méi)有平臺(tái)的情況下單手給他換尿布。

帶著幼兒的單身男子比起單身女子來(lái)會(huì)更招人耳目。我曾不止一次被警察攔到路邊，就是只是因?yàn)槲野岩粋€(gè)哭嚷鬧脾氣的兩歲男孩抱進(jìn)車(chē)?yán)铩Ｎ液苄蕾p警察和輔警的勤勉，但這種事情遇多了就變得很煩人。

我認(rèn)識(shí)的很多單身媽媽告訴我，因?yàn)閹е⒆拥木壒剩齻兒茈y找到另一半（人家干嗎要找個(gè)單身媽媽來(lái)談戀愛(ài)呢？）。我同意。這很難。似乎有這樣一種看法，認(rèn)為單身父親找對(duì)象要容易一些，但這其實(shí)是一派胡言。