別擔心，你在互聯網的過去不是那么難堪

By Kyle Wagner

Theres something on the internet that you desperately[絕望地，拼命地] want to keep everyone from seeing. Something youre deeply embarrassed of. That would show all your friends how youre not actually as smart and fashionable and ironically selfaware as you pretend to be. And you really ought to get over it.

We all have stuff like this. Maybe its a gross Facebook album from college. Or a Xanga or Livejournal or Blogger account， or a dance you did， or an a cappella[沒有樂隊伴奏] YouTube video. Or， god forbid， your dating profile.

So whats the underlying holdup we have about this stuff？ On one hand， yes， yours are the same skeletons everyone else has tried to scrub from the web. But just the same， they leave you feeling impossibly exposed[暴露的]—especially ones where you really tapped into your feelings， like those old personal blog entries[條目]. And its all kind of earnest for the way the internet works now， where youre required to maintain a constant ironic detachment. Which is true. But at some point， all that earnesty really betrays is that youre a human being with human feelings.

Still， its a tough sell. I asked Gawkers advice maven[專家，行家]and wonderful person Caity Weaver what she thought （while she was starving and all crazy， she asked us to specify）， and she said， “Oh my God that is like my greatest nightmare. People are vicious[惡毒的] animals.” But isnt everyone an awkward mess， and doesnt it just end up being endearing？“I meeeaannnn， I would not want that to happen to me， even with your sweet logic. I guess it depends how embarrassing. If your life was just boring， then enjoy your boring life， no one cares.”

Point taken. But how boring is anyones life， really？ No one you know whos spent any amount of time on the internet—or really， any amount of time being a human being， because humanity is inherently[天性地，固有的] sad and creepy and idiotic[愚蠢的]—is without humiliating memories. And the thing is， the entire internet， basically， has declared embarrassment bankruptcy. Theres just too much stupid now， ours and the worlds， to really shame you the way you feel you deserve.

Thats relegated what at one time might have been lifescarring bungles[粗制濫造] into pieces of digital ephemera[蜉蝣]. Or actually， diluted[沖淡的] the idea of embarrassment to the point that your polemic[爭論] about how all these haters need to back the hell off of Travis Barker is basically the internet equivalent of those pictures your mom has of you when she used to dress you up like a baby duck whenever she took you to the mall， or that Homecoming lip sync video she refuses to let die. You bristle when theyre brought up， but ultimately， theyre usually more fun than they are mortifying unless youre a huge closet racist. Obviously， this doesnt include things that can actually cause material damage to you， your loved ones， or your career.

So you can go on imagining your past being held up to the internets magnifying glass as a total nightmare. But unless you were doing something especially anatomical with that Labradoodle， no ones going to be half as embarrassed for you as you are of yourself. So embrace it. Own it. No one likes the girl whos too cool to make funny faces in pictures.

在互聯網上有一些你壓根不想讓人看到的內容，那些會讓你感到十分尷尬的東西。那會讓你的朋友覺得你并不是所表現出的那樣聰明、時尚或者自恃清高。其實這真的沒什么大不了的。

我們多多少少都有過這樣類似的經歷：也許是大學時代傳上Facebook的粗俗的相冊，也許是Xanga、Livejournal和Blogger這些博客、社交網站的賬戶，又或者是一段跳舞視頻，Youtube上的清唱視頻等等。抑或是，上帝，你的戀愛約會檔案。

那么這些事的底線在哪兒呢？一方面，是的，你的那些信息就和其他那些努力將難堪事從網上刪除的人們的信息如出一轍。但與此同時，這些難堪事讓你感到不應該公開化，特別是你傾注了真情實感的東西，像是過去的博客條目。如今，因特網會誠實地展現這一切，而你，則需要保持自諷的態度以求脫離。這確實存在，但從某些方面來看，（因特網的這種）誠實的展現曝光的是你作為一個人所帶有的真實情感。

盡管如此，這仍很難讓人買賬。我咨詢過Gawker的專家凱迪·威爾的意見，她是一個很好的人。（當時她餓瘋了，讓我們長話短說。）她說，“噢，天啊，那就像我最大的噩夢。人們都成了猛獸。”但不是所有人都搞得一團糟并最終落得不討喜的嗎？“我的意思是，我不希望這事發生在自己身上，甚至按照你這邏輯。我想還是取決于那事有多難看吧。如果你的生活本來就很乏味，那么就繼續享受乏味的生活吧，沒人會在意的。”

言之有理。但是一個人的生活能有多乏味？在你認識的人中，那些每時每刻都泡在網上，或是每時每刻都在展現真我的人，都有過屈辱的過去，因為人性本惡，人生本來就是恐怖及愚蠢的。重點是，基本上整個網絡已經宣布難堪破產了。現在網上有太多糗事了，我們自己的，或是其他人的，以至于對你都沒有預期中那么大殺傷力了。

你覺得會令你抱恨終身的糗事不過是一堆照片。事實上，這并不是那么尷尬，就像你批判那些愚昧的人過分推崇Travis Barker（一位熱衷于挑戰人體極限的搖滾明星）那樣，就像幼時你媽媽將你打扮成一只小鴨子去逛街時拍的照片，或者是那些她一直保留的返校節對嘴型的視頻。當他們提及時，你會怒發沖冠，但最終，除非你是極端的民族主義者，他們都不過是個玩笑罷了，并不會讓你受屈辱。顯然，這些病不包括那些會讓你、你的愛人以及事業造成實質性損害的部分。

所以你可以繼續想象你的過去被互聯網緊緊抓住并被放大是一場噩夢。但是除非你做過一些諸如解剖拉布拉多犬的惡事，那么沒人會像你那么難堪。所以，包容吧，接受吧，沒人喜歡一個冷冷的連拍照都不愿做鬼臉的姑娘。