Daily Affirmations 每天對自己大聲說：我很棒

I was 18 the first time a therapist2） tried to get me to embrace the idea of daily affirmations. I was dealing with depression， anxiety， and an eating disorder， and the only thing I told myself regularly was that I was the most terrible， disgusting person on Earth. Daily affirmations， the therapist told me， were little sayings I could use to combat the default3） negativity that was always running through my mind. \"It sounds dumb，\" she said. \"But it works.\" She gave me a little box of cards， each with a happy image and a saying such as \"I am a good person\"， or \"I deserve recovery\"， or \"I am lovable and capable of sharing love with others\". I rifled through4） them on my bed， rolling my eyes at each card and feeling as if I'd been transported to one of those old Stuart Smalley5） sketches from Saturday Night Live6）， where now-Senator Al Franken7） would parody8） the entire idea of daily affirmations with his signature catchphrase9）， \"I am good enough， I'm smart enough， and doggone it10）， people like me！\" In short， I felt like an idiot. This， I decided， was not for me.

So for years I kept up my typical routine11） of doing the difficult work that recovery and treatment entails12）， and then retreating home， looking in the mirror， and thinking， \"You're a piece of crap13）.\" It was so automatic， so natural， that I didn't even recognize that I was essentially undoing hours of hard work just by allowing such thoughts to take control as they'd always done. I started wondering why I couldn't make recovery work， why I never seemed to feel better. When I began to relapse14） this year， I didn't even notice， because these feelings had become so normal.

While struggling through outpatient15） treatment last month， I came to rely on repeated spins of Fiona Apple's16） The Idler Wheel ... both for comfort and catharsis17）， and I went back and read the interviews she'd given after its release. I felt like I could hear the darker and lighter parts of myself in her songs， and I wanted to know how she felt when she was writing them. I came across this New York Times article from last May， and something she said really stuck with me： \"If you keep on having these negative thoughts or being angry all the time， then that area of your brain is going to get stronger.\" I realized that I'd never opened up a pathway in my brain for positive thoughts to flow through.

This kind of self-encouragement was foreign to me and extremely difficult， and it would require practice. I needed all the help I could get. So I dug out the stupid cards and read one aloud.

\"I am a good person.\"

I stood in front of the mirror and watched my mouth make those words and listened to my voice push them out into the air. I said it again.

\"I am a good person.\"

I felt so stupid and corny18） and ridiculous， but I said it again.

\"I am a good person.\"

And then I started bawling19）. Not because I'd miraculously allowed myself to suddenly believe in the positive words I was saying， but because I'd been able to see how routine the negativity had become， how cruel I'd been to myself on a regular basis， and it was shocking to feel something inside of me that had been dimmed for a very long time， to recognize that maybe there was something good there， something worth saving， and that maybe all my brain needed was a little encouragement from the healthy side of me， as opposed to a constant stream of bullying from my illness.

These days I use daily affirmations as needed： in dark times I try to keep an affirmation book or stack of cards around when I need a little support， and I've also developed little sayings of my own. If you don't want to buy affirmation books or cards， it's super easy to make your own， just by writing down a bunch of positive thoughts and quotes on scraps of paper and sticking them into a jar and pulling one out when you need one. Here are some examples：

I am beautiful.

I am loved and love others.

I am trying my best.

Should you feel that all of this is too corny for your liking—and trust me， it does feel that way for a while until you get used to it， and then it's like a tiny meditation20）， a self-esteem boost， a little shot of empowerment that helps make the world seem better—you can also tackle daily affirmations by keeping a journal and listing five things you've done or noticed during the day， including even the simplest stuff， which you may be surprised to notice adds up to a deeper appreciation of the universe around you and your place in it. For example：

1. Got out of bed

2. Laughed really hard at a dumb movie

3. Drank a delicious glass of lemonade

4. Hung out with my dog

5. Noticed how warm the sun felt on my skin

Sounds kind of basic， right？ But when you do it often enough， you become more aware of how beautiful tiny moments in your life can be， which helps to make the bigger， more overwhelming21） stuff seem a little less scary.

I know that this kind of thing isn't for everyone—there are days when I hop off the daily-affirmation train and forget to show myself， and the world around me， the love and empathy it deserves. But I always seem to come back to them， because sometimes you need to love yourself before you can notice it coming from anywhere else， and if you can take two seconds to stare yourself in the mirror down and pay you a compliment22）， you'll eventually stop feeling like a total poseur23） and start believing the things that are coming out of your mouth. You are beautiful. You do deserve to be loved. You are good enough， you are smart enough， and doggone it， people like you.

我18歲那年，平生第一次有心理醫生努力說服我接受“每天自我肯定”的想法。那時候，我正陷于抑郁、焦慮中，還要對付厭食癥，只會經常對自己說，我是這個世界上最糟糕、最討人厭的人。那位心理醫生告訴我，所謂“每天自我肯定”，就是讓我通過一些只言片語來對付那些時刻縈繞在腦海中的、仿佛被設定好的消極想法。她說：“這聽著有點傻，但是很管用。”她給了我一小盒卡片，每張上面都印著一幅歡快的圖畫，并配著一句類似“我很棒”“我會康復”或“我值得人愛，也能與他人分享愛”這樣的話。我把卡片攤在床上翻了一遍，不屑地掃視著每張卡片，感覺自己好像被帶到了《周六夜現場》里某個老舊的搞笑短劇中，現為參議員的阿爾·弗蘭肯所扮演的斯圖亞特·斯莫利完全不贊同 “每天自我肯定”這個想法，總用他標志性的口頭禪打趣說：“我夠優秀，我夠聰明，去你的，人人喜歡我！”總之，我覺得自己就像個傻瓜。我認定，這個法子不適合我。

于是幾年來，我每天堅持進行模式化康復治療所要求的一切，過程是那么的艱難。之后我回到家中，看著鏡中的自己，心想：“你就是個廢物。”這種想法總會不由自主、自然而然地冒出來。我甚至都沒能意識到，實際上，就僅僅是因為我一直放任這些想法，我之前做的那幾個小時的艱苦努力就都化為了徒勞。我開始懷疑，為什么康復治療對我就是不管用，為什么我總是好不起來。今年，甚至在不知不覺間，我就回到了老樣子，因為這些想法已經變得很平常了。

上個月，當我苦熬門診治療時，我開始依賴費歐娜·艾波的專輯《公轉不自轉的生存之道》。我一遍又一遍地聽著里面的歌，既是在尋求一種安慰，又是在進行一種宣泄。我從醫院回來后看了些她在該專輯發行后的訪談文章。我感覺在她的歌里我仿佛能聽出自己更灰暗的一面和更明亮的一面，我想知道她在寫這些歌的時候有著怎樣的感受。我偶然看到《紐約時報》去年五月刊登的一篇文章，她說的一些話真的讓我銘記于心：“要是你總有這些消極想法，一直憤懣不已，那大腦負責這塊兒的區域就會變得更強大。”我這才意識到，我從未在大腦里給積極的想法打開一條暢行的通道。

這種自我鼓勵對我來說還比較陌生，做起來也就分外艱難，需要不斷練習。我需要我能得到的一切幫助。于是我翻出了那些愚蠢的卡片，大聲地讀出其中的一句話。

“我很棒。”

我站在鏡子前，看著自己的嘴里冒出這些字眼，聽著自己的聲音將它們推入空氣中。我又說了一遍。

“我很棒。”

我覺得自己傻乎乎的，冒著土氣，顯得很可笑，但我又重復了一遍。

“我很棒。”

然后我開始放聲大喊。倒不是因為突然間我奇跡般地讓自己相信了我說的這些積極話語，而是因為我終于能發現，對于這些負面想法，我竟已變得如此習以為常，過去的每時每刻我對自己是多么殘忍。感受到自己的內心在那么長一段時間里都是一片昏暗，明白那里也許還有些許美好，還有一些值得挽救的東西，發現自己的大腦所需的或許只是一點點來自健康那一面自我的鼓勵，而不是來自患病那一面自我的無休止欺凌——這一切令我十分震驚。

這些日子以來，一旦有需要，我都會進行“每天自我肯定”：在黯淡無光的日子里，每當我需要些支持時，我會設法帶上本肯定自我的小書或是一沓卡片，我自己也想出來幾句簡短的話語。要是你不愿去買這類書或卡片，自己做也是非常簡單的。只要找幾張紙片，寫上那些積極的想法或經典語錄，再放到一個罐子里，需要時就掏出來一張。下面舉幾個例子：

我很美。

人們愛我，我也愛其他人。

我正在竭盡所能。

你也許會覺得這些話太土，不太喜歡，但相信我，過段時間等你習慣了，就不會再有這樣的感覺，此后這些話就像是片刻的冥想，讓你更加自信，好似打了一劑強心針，讓你覺得世界更加美好。你也可以每天記記日記，列出五件當天完成了的或是注意到的事情，甚至是最簡單不過的事情，來進行“每天自我肯定”。你可能會突然驚喜地發現，這會進一步讓你更欣賞周圍的世界，更滿意自己在其中的位置。譬如：

1. 鉆出了被窩

2. 看了部爛片笑開了懷

3. 喝了杯可口的檸檬水

4. 陪著狗狗在外溜達

5. 發現陽光曬在身上有多么暖和

聽上去很簡單，對嗎？可是當你經常這樣做，到了一定程度時，你就更能意識到生活中這些細微的時刻也能如此美妙，而這有助于讓那些更為重要、更無力抵擋的事物變得不那么可怕。

我知道這類方法并不適用于每個人。有些日子，我會跳下“每天自我肯定”的列車，忘記了告訴自己和周圍的世界，它多么值得人愛，多么能引發別人的共鳴。但我似乎總能再次回歸，因為有時你首先要愛自己，才能注意到愛也能來自其他任何地方。你要是能花上兩秒鐘目不轉睛地盯著鏡中的自己，夸上自己幾句，你終將不再覺得自己矯情，而開始相信自己說出的話。你很美。你真的值得人愛。你夠優秀，你夠聰明。去他的，人人喜歡你！

1.這篇文章選自泰薇·蓋文森（Tavi Gevinson）主編的網絡雜志《新秀》（Rookie）。關于這位少女的介紹請參考本期P36的“同齡故事”。

2.therapist [?θer?p?st] n. （特定治療法的）治療專家，治療師

3.default [d??f??lt] n. 默認

4.rifle through： （在一堆東西中）匆匆翻找

5.Stuart Smalley： 斯圖亞特·斯莫利，美國著名綜藝節目《周六夜現場》（Saturday Night Live） 中的經典人物。

6.Saturday Night Live： 《周六夜現場》，是一個每周六深夜播出、時長90多分鐘的美國綜藝節目，以紐約市為拍攝地，自1975年10月11日由NBC播出。該節目以現場直播的方式播出，是美國電視史上最長壽的節目之一。

7.Al Franken： 阿爾·弗蘭肯（Alan Stuart Franken， 1951～），美國政治家、明尼蘇達州參議員、著名諷刺作家，曾在《周六夜現場》中飾演他創作的人物斯圖亞特·斯莫利。

8.parody [?p?r?di] vt. 通過模仿嘲弄

9.catchphrase [?k?t?fre?z] n. （電視明星等著名人士常用的）口頭禪；流行口號

10.doggone it： 去你的，他媽的。doggone [?d?ɡ?n] vt. 詛咒

11.routine [ru??ti?n] n. 例行公事；日常工作；慣例；慣常的（或機械的）程序

12.entail [?n?te?l] vt. 使成為必要，需要

13.crap [kr?p] n. 廢物，垃圾

14.relapse [r??l?ps] vi. （一度康復后）重發病

15.outpatient [?a?tpe??nt] n. 門診病人

16.Fiona Apple： 費歐娜·艾波（1977～），美國創作歌手、鋼琴家，代表作有專輯《公轉不自轉的生存之道》（The Idler Wheel ...）。

17.catharsis [k??θɑ?s?s] n. 感情凈化；情緒宣泄（借悲劇等藝術作品以凈化、抒發感情）

18.corny [?k??ni] adj. 鄉巴佬似的

19.bawl [b??l] vi. 聲嘶力竭地大叫

20.meditation [?med??te??n] n. 沉思，深思；冥想

21.overwhelming [???v??welm??] adj. 勢不可擋的，壓倒的

22.compliment [?k?mpl?m?nt] n. 贊美（話）；恭維（話）

23.poseur [p???z??（r）] n. 故作姿態的人，裝腔作勢的人