變性人希望的低語

With the flood of abuses hurled at her， she， in that unbearable condition and numb with her family’s deafening silence towards neighbors’ mockery， decided to leave her home and lived on her own. This is a case of an exasperated Sudha， a transgender （TG） from Chennai， the capital of Tamil Nadu， South India.

It would be interesting if one could change the gender at gender dysphoria to choose the body in which one is most comfortable with. Why is “gender change” ostracized？ Is gender sacred in the materialistic world？ Who makes the rule？

People keep changing their personal attributes all the time. This has today become the order of the day. Artificial changes are effected from skin to hair. They dye their hair， diet to extremes， undergo cosmetic surgery， perform skin graft and develop their muscles. These they do so that they would have a striking resemblance of their favorite models. On top of this， people change their spouse， religion， nationality， job and residence. However， gender is not changed.

當辱罵像洪水般拍向她，她的家人對鄰居的嘲笑保持了沉默，使她無法忍受而又麻木，于是她決定離開家自己生活。這個案例來自于憤怒的蘇妲，她是來自南印度泰米爾納德邦首府欽奈市的一位變性人。

如果人們能夠在性別不悅時改變性別，選擇自己覺得最舒服的身體，那將十分有趣。為什么“性別改變”會如此受排斥？性別在一個物質化的世界中是神圣的嗎？誰決定了規則？

人們總是改變他們的個人屬性。這在當今已經成為日常秩序。人為的改變可能從皮膚直到頭發。他們將頭發染色，極度節食，做整形手術，接受植皮，塑造肌肉。他們這樣做可以使自己將最喜歡的典范們的優點完美結合。在此之上，人們還會更換他們的配偶、宗教、國籍、工作和居住地。然而，他們的性別并沒有改變。

Nature makes the mistake. In this civilized as well as globalized world， it is irrational to stigmatize TG for no fault of their own. In fact， gender is a social construction. We fail to recognize the point that just because some forms of behaviour are uncommon we cannot treat the persons possessing such characters as abnormal and unhealthy to our societal existence. The conventional definitions of gender we have been inculcated with since our birth make it easier for us to come to inferences based on our stereotypical views which inflict great agony on the ones at the receiving end. Also， society becomes insensitive towards them and does not let them lead a dignified life as other humans.

They wrestle with gender dysphoria discomfort at a very tender age. They either have a range of effeminate or masculine characters which are completely contrary to what they are assigned to at birth. When their urge tops the height， they face gender identity disorders. Then， they start engrossing a new identity， experiencing bouts of discrimination due to bias about their new identity， including stigma， shame， isolation， anxiety， bullying and even physical and sexual assaults. Due to circumstances， they are fully engaged in low paying jobs like dancing， singing and prostitution and begging.

Sudha continued her melancholy story with a brave smile on her lips and an empowered look in her eyes. “As I realized my gender disconformity at that young age， I was abused by my peers at school. This eventually forced me to drop out from my studies and my society as well. Then， I resorted to prostitution. This is not my conscious choice but the only chance for my survival as I had no education. I became a secret sex provider at night，” as she put it.

大自然是會犯錯誤的。在如今文明而又全球化的世界中，將變性視為是他們自身錯誤而帶來的恥辱是不理智的。事實上，性別是一個社會構造。我們不能將擁有不尋常行為方式的人當成社會存在的不正常或不健康，然而，我們并不能認清這一點。自我們出生以來一直被灌輸的對性別的定義使我們更容易基于我們帶有成見的觀點形成推論，這會使接收這些觀點的人們承受極大的痛苦。而且，社會對這些人并不敏感，使他們不能像其他人類一樣過有尊嚴的生活。

他們從幼年起就與性別焦慮癥帶來的不適作斗爭。他們擁有與他們生來的性別完全相反的女性化的或男性化的性格。當他們的主張到達頂點，他們就面臨著性別身份的混亂。然后，他們開始執著于一個新的身份，經受著偏見帶來的各種歧視，包括侮辱、羞愧、孤立、焦慮、欺負，甚至是身體侵犯和性侵犯。出于環境的因素，他們完全被困于低收入職業，如跳舞、唱歌、賣淫和乞討。

蘇妲繼續著她憂郁的生活，但她一直勇敢的面帶微笑，眼神中充滿力量。蘇妲說：“當我在非常小的時候意識到我的性別不適，我在學校被同齡人欺辱。這最終迫使我輟學，也迫使我遠離社會。然后，我開始賣淫。這并不是我的有意之選，但卻是我生存的唯一機會，因為我沒有什么學歷。我成為了在夜里秘密提供性服務的人。”

The third gender， once a revered community， lives in the fringes of society at present. Priya， a Program Associater of Tamil Nadu Aids Initiative（TAI） said， “In ancient India， the Mughal Empire respected and provided them with an important role in court administration as royal guards； even the Vedas -- the ancient sacred Hindu texts， believe that they bring prosperity and provide healthy fertility powers.” History books and religious epics exhibit the characters who blurred the conservative gender frames. Despite this， the practice at present is different， showing a sad and completely unsympathetic picture towards the TG community.”

Sudha said， “I underwent gender reassignment surgery. I am now leading a respectable life， free of sarcastic comments and having a pleasing physical appearance of a woman. However， this is uncommon among most TG due to poverty. Thereby， they effect changes only in their grooming and name.”

Love is another solace for them， in addition to getting temporary relief and happiness from alcohol and drugs. The transgender women of South India have an extended family system that unites and binds them with ample love and affection they lost from their own beloved families.

第三性別，曾經是令人敬畏的群體，現在生活在社會的邊緣。泰米爾納德邦艾滋病行動組織成員普瑞雅說：“在古印度，莫臥兒帝國尊敬他們，并為他們提供了法庭管理中的關鍵職位——皇家衛士；古老神圣的印度文獻《吠陀經》甚至也認為他們能夠帶來繁榮和健康的生育能力。”歷史書籍和宗教史詩呈現了那些保守的性別框架難以區分的人物。盡管如此，當前的實踐仍與之背道而馳，展現了一幅對變性人群體完全沒有同情心的悲哀畫面。

蘇妲說：“我做了變性手術。我現在過著受人尊敬的生活，不再有嘲諷的言論。我也有了女人的動人外表。然而，這在變性人群體中實屬罕見，因為他們大都貧窮。因此，他們只能改變他們的裝扮和名字。”

除了通過酒精和毒品尋找短暫的放松和愉悅，愛情是他們的另一慰藉。那位來自南印度的變性女人建立了一個大家庭，用大愛將他們緊密聯系在一起，彌補他們在各自的家庭中所缺失的情感。

“The family is fully matriarchal and there is no role for men； I have mothers， grandmothers， aunts， daughters， mother in laws and daughter in laws； this is a unique family system which has no chronological age system. TG who join this family become part of this hierarchical system； our bonding is based on a string of truth， love and loyalty，” Sudha said with a contented expression.

She feel that today， there is a constant reformation taking place in the traditional Indian mindsets in terms of how this group is being ill-treated. Thereby， the discrimination and harassment against the TG community has decreased due to media coverage and now they are slowly being assimilated into the mainstream society.

Sudha said with an elated smile， “Fortunately， I got the job as a Community Consultant at TAI just because of the experience I gained during my role as a sex worker. I have my own， painful experience of encountering aggression by goondas and the police， rough handling by customers， mockery by teasers and even robbery. I work together in our mission for a better life， a better tomorrow for TG.”

蘇妲驕傲地說：“這個家庭完全是母系氏族的，沒有男性的角色。我有母親、祖母、姨母、女兒、岳母和繼女。這是一個獨一無二的家庭體系，它沒有按時間順序排列的年齡系統。加入這個家庭的變性人會成為這個分層系統的一部分。我們的紐帶是通過真相、愛和忠誠建立的。”

她感覺到，傳統的印度觀念正在經歷持續的重塑，對于變性人群體如何受到糟糕的對待也會有更好的認識。針對變性人群體的歧視和攻擊也由于媒體報道的增加而減少，他們現如今也正在逐漸被主流社會吸納。

蘇妲得意地笑言：“幸運的是，正因為我在從事性工作期間所積累的經驗，我可以作為社區顧問在泰米爾納德邦艾滋病行動組織工作。我有我自己的痛苦經歷，比如被流氓和警察攻擊、被顧客粗暴地對待、以及被愛戲弄的人甚至強盜嘲笑。我在我們的團隊工作是為了更好的生活，也是為了變性人更好的明天。”

However， there are yet many battles to be won by the empowered persons of TG community in all walks of life.

“A TG got a job in a reputed IT company and was provided with a whole package comprising a handsome salary， transport and a personal lap top， but on the condition of working from home. Such discrimination must be recognized as invisible bigotry，” she said vehemently.

“They encounter abuses and discomforts when they use “Men only” and “Women only” places such as toilets， changing rooms and when standing in a gender divided queue，” she opined.

In the words of Marilyn Monroe， “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”

然而，在各行各業，仍有許多場戰役等待賦權之后的變性人去贏得。

她激動地說：“一個變性人得到了一所知名IT公司的工作，公司為他提供全套福利，包括高薪、交通工具和筆記本電腦，但唯一的條件是在家辦公。這樣的歧視是一種隱性的盲從，必須得到正視。”

她認為：“當他們使用如廁所、更衣室等‘女士止步’或‘男士止步’的地方時，或當他們站在以性別區分的隊伍中時，他們會遭遇侮辱和不適。”

正如瑪麗蓮·夢露說的那樣：“想要成為其他人是在浪費你自己本身。”