Dear Peers 致我的同齡人

Dear Peers， I used to look up to you. I used to try to get your attention. I used to want to fit in by wearing weird clothes and listening to all the lies you'd tell me. I used to laugh at jokes that weren't funny. I used to let you copy off my tests. I used to want to be like you.

Dear Peers， I used to get very upset when you started a rumor about me. I used to cry about it. I used to try to defend myself. I used to raise my voice， and when you didn't listen， it would ruin my day.

Dear Peers， I used to get angry when you cursed1） at me， when you cornered2） me and made up lies. I used to get mad when I walked into class and saw your scowls3）. I used to curse you back.

Dear Peers， I used to hate the way you looked at me， as though I was less than you. I hated the way you talked about my ethnicity4）. It wasn't funny. I used to insult you under my breath for being so narrow-minded. I used to tell the teachers and you'd call me a snitch5）.

Dear Peers， I used to ignore what you said to me. I used selective hearing6）. I stopped listening to your senseless language， without meaning， without dignity. I stopped watching you stoop7） lower and lower for your own self-satisfaction. And I opened my eyes.

Dear Peers， I used to feel sorry for you. I felt bad because you couldn't see the meaning in everything， in the little things， and in the things that mattered the most. No， you only saw dating， clothes， cliques8）， and texting as life， as fun， as a future. It broke my heart.

Dear Peers， I used to laugh at you. I thought it was so funny how you would make fun of me for getting an A while you got an F. I used to spaz9） at the way you still couldn't read the word \"complementary\" in the seventh grade and how you would throw library books into the garbage can. I used to smile when you talked about how great your seventh boyfriend was. And， I'll admit， I still laugh now.

Dear Peers， feel free to say what you want. Feel free to do what you want. Go ahead！ Make up a rumor about my secret--Internet boyfriend. Tell everyone I'm a retard10） who thinks the whole world is made up of textbooks and teachers. Throw paper balls at my head while I'm reading. Shoot me with pieces of buttered bagel11） at lunch. And then tell me what you got out of that. Superiority？ Was it fun？ Do you think I'm suddenly dumber now？ Has my smile gotten duller？ Does my family love me any less？ Did my teachers stop appreciating having me in their classes？ Did I lose any inspiration？ Well ... I'm—waiting.

Exactly.

親愛的小伙伴們，以前，我總是崇拜你們，也總是試圖得到你們的關注。我常常想靠穿一些奇裝異服和聽你們對我說漫天的謊言來融入你們。以前，聽到那些一點都不好笑的笑話我都會哈哈大笑。我常常讓你們抄襲我的試卷。我以前總想要和你們一樣。

親愛的小伙伴們，以前，每當你們開始制造關于我的流言蜚語時，我都會非常難過，還會為此大哭一場。我會嘗試為自己辯護，會提高自己的嗓門，如果你們不聽我說，我一整天都會非常郁悶。

親愛的小伙伴們，以前，每當你們罵我、逼得我走投無路、對我撒謊時，我都會非常生氣。當我走進教室看到你們怒氣沖沖的樣子，我會非常抓狂。作為回敬，我也會罵你們。

親愛的小伙伴們，以前，我討厭你們看我的樣子，就好像我低人一等似的。我討厭你們那樣討論我的種族，這一點都不好笑，而我總是小聲罵你們心胸太狹窄。我常常把這一切告訴老師，你們就說我愛打小報告。

親愛的小伙伴們，以前，我會忽略你們對我說的話。我會選擇性地傾聽。我不再去聽你們說那些無聊的話，毫無意義也毫不顧及顏面。我不再看著你們為了滿足自己而愈發卑躬屈膝。我睜開了自己的雙眼。

親愛的小伙伴們，以前，我會為你們感到遺憾，感到難過，因為你們看不到世間萬事所具有的意義，無論是微不足道的小事還是命運攸關的大事。是啊，你們眼中只有約會，只關注各式各樣的衣服，只顧自己的小圈子，只忙著發短信，你們把這些當做人生的全部，當做快樂的源泉，當做自己的未來。這真令我傷心。

親愛的小伙伴們，以前，我常常嘲笑你們。你怎么會因為我得了A而自己得了F而取笑我，在我看來這簡直太可笑了。你們上七年級了都還不會讀“complementary”這個單詞，而且還把從圖書館借來的書丟到垃圾箱里，我常常覺得你們這樣做真是愚蠢。每當你談論起自己的第七任男友有多好時，我總是報之一笑。而且我承認，我現在還是會一笑置之。

親愛的小伙伴們，你們想說什么就說什么，想做什么就做什么吧。盡管放馬過來！盡管去編造我在網上認識了一個秘密男友，盡管告訴所有人我是一個滿腦子只有課本和老師的傻瓜，盡管在我看書時朝我丟紙團，盡管在我吃午飯時向我扔一片又一片涂滿黃油的百吉圈。做完這一切之后，請你們告訴我這樣做有何意義。你們獲得了優越感？還是這樣做很有意思？你們認為我現在突然間變得更傻了？還是我的笑容變得更僵硬了？是我的家人不再像從前那樣愛我了？還是我的老師們不再欣賞自己班里有我這樣的學生了？抑或是我失去了任何前進的動力？唔……我——在等著呢。

事實就是如此。

1.curse [k??s] vi. 咒罵

2.corner [?k??n?（r）] vt. 把（人或動物）逼入困境；使走投無路

3.scowl [ska?l] n. 怒容；皺眉，愁容

4.ethnicity [eθ?n?s?ti] n. 種族特點；種族地位

5.snitch [sn?t?] n. 告密者，告發者

6.selective hearing： 指主觀上忽略他人說的話，只聽自己喜歡的或是感興趣的話。

7.stoop [stu?p] vi. [貶]屈尊；降低身份（去做某事）

8.clique [kli?k] n. 小圈子；派系

9.spaz [sp?z] n. （被人蔑視的）笨家伙。這里用作動詞，指“嘲笑……，覺得……愚笨”。

10.retard [?ri?tɑ?d] n. <忌>智力遲鈍者

11.bagel [?be?ɡl] n. <美>硬面包圈，百吉圈