網(wǎng)絡盛行——別怕，育兒有新招！

Host： Well， with the rise of social media， on-line 1）bullying and a growing obsession with technology， parents today face 2）an ever-increasing array of problems previous generations simply didn’t have to deal with. Questions about childrens’ Internet usage， self-harm and how to discuss the 3）prevalence of drugs and alcohol are just some of the concerns parents are submitting to ask in “Expert Week”—that’s being hosted by a website dedicated to parents with teens. One of the experts 4）fielding questions is adolescent psychologist Collette Smart. Good morning to you Collette.

Collette Smart： Good morning.

Host： First of all， can you make us feel better？

Smart： （laughs）

Host： With parents of teens， is it harder being a parent in 2013？

Smart： I’m a parent of a teenager. I’ve got 3 children. But I would say all parents have always worried about their children， except that I think now as parents we’ve got the on-line space to 5）contend with， so we have the world in our 6）lounge rooms 24 hours a day 7 days a week， and that is something previous generations of parents have never had to deal with. So， yes， I think there’s another 7）dimension that’s very different.

Host： Because it is a world that parents can feel very shut out from…

Smart： Yes.

Host： So one， I know one of the questions that you’ve been getting a lot of this week is， “how protective should parents be of their children’s on-line activity， and how can I 8）monitor it？”Smart： Look， I think we need to remember that we have to give our children space to grow and do things that are independent. Yet on one hand parents are quick to just give over everything on line yet are jumping in at the school gate complaining about everything， and moaning about everything else， but they’re not giving their children chores to do. I think we need to remember they don’t need a 40-year-old best friend. They need a parent so they need strict boundaries and structure around on-line behavior. In my practice those are the biggest issues that I’m seeing now. On-line bullying，‘sexting’ when it’s gone wrong 9）inevitably， self-harming sites， all sorts of issues that are just 10）exacerbating teen issues that are already there.

Host： A lot of parents， I know， have said that they want to monitor their children’s on-line behavior， but kids have settings that are privacy settings that they won’t allow their parents onto. What’s the answer there？

Smart： Look， I completely disagree with that. I think why we be okay for the rest of the world， Google， to raise our children but not us？ When children say， ‘We need privacy’， it means we want privacy from our parents， not anything else. And I think as parents we need to remember that our children still need structure and boundaries， so I always advise， know your children’s passwords. Make it open. My children knew， before they became teenagers， when they got Facebook or social media， I would be checking in every now and then. Social media technology， full stop， is not in bedrooms， all our phones and devices are kept in a little table outside our bedroom at night on charge， we have meal-time， bed-time 11）curfews. It’s okay to say “no” on the on-line space. As parents we still have the skill set， we’ve been around the block a few times， we know about social interaction， so on-line space is no different.

Host： So best practice is to get in before they’ve got an on-line presence. What happens if the horse has already bolted？ If you’ve got， say a 15-year-old， still very 12）vulnerable…

Smart： Yes.

Host： …and you can see that there’s problems occurring for them online， what can you do then？

Smart： Be honest as a parent. Say this is a new space for me， it’s something that I’ve learned about， I’m learning about all the time， and then don’t be afraid to say ‘no’ and pull back. They need you more than ever. And so you will probably have a fight on your hands for at least 2 weeks， but once they learn that there’s a new structure， a new boundary， they will go with the flow. We know， as parents， we say ‘no’to alcohol under-age， we say ‘no’ to 13）pornography because we know it’s harmful. So reel things back in， and I think that the “Kids are alright” website， which I’m part of the expert 14）panel， there’s so many fantastic experts on there that parents can go to and actually ask questions about a whole lot of different issues.

Host： That is great， I know a lot of parents will be very keen to be able to access all of that. Collette， thank you very much.

Smart： Thank you.

Host： Really appreciate your advice this morning.

Smart： Thank you.

主持人：隨著社交媒體、網(wǎng)上恐嚇的興起以及（人們）對科技的日漸依賴，如今父母們面臨著一系列日益增長的問題，而這些問題在過去是不需要解決的。有關(guān)孩子們對網(wǎng)絡的使用、自殘以及如何看待毒品和酒精的泛濫，都是家長們所關(guān)心的問題。他們把這些問題發(fā)送到一個叫“專家周”的欄目，這個欄目是由一個專門針對青少年父母的網(wǎng)站舉辦的。其中一位解決這些問題的專家是青少年心理學家科萊特·斯馬特。早上好，斯馬特。

科萊特·斯馬特：早上好。

主持人：首先，你能讓我們（家長們）好過點嗎？

斯馬特：（笑）

主持人：在2013年，作為青少年的家長會不會更困難呢？

斯馬特：我的孩子是青少年，我有三個孩子。但是我認為所有的家長都會擔心他們的孩子，只是現(xiàn)在的家長還要和網(wǎng)絡世界作斗爭。這個世界一周7天、一天24小時地存在于我們的休息室，這是過去家長們不需要面對的情況。所以，是的，我想這是另外一個非常不同的范疇。

主持人：這是一個家長們總是被拒之門外的世界……

斯馬特：對。

主持人：所以我知道這周問得最多的其中一個問題就是：家長對于孩子們網(wǎng)上活動的保護力度應該多大，怎樣對其進行監(jiān)控呢？

斯馬特：聽著，我認為我們需要記得給孩子們成長的空間，讓他們獨立地完成事情。然而，家長們一方面很快就對孩子們的網(wǎng)絡使用束手無策，跑到學校抱怨、嘮叨，一方面卻不讓孩子們做家務。我想我們必須記住他們不需要一個4 0歲的好朋友。他們需要家長，因此他們的網(wǎng)絡活動要有嚴格的界限和規(guī)定。在我的親身實踐中這些都是現(xiàn)在最重要的問題——網(wǎng)上恐嚇、難以避免的色情信息、自殘網(wǎng)站，這些因素都會加劇已經(jīng)形成的青少年問題。

主持人：我知道，許多家長都說過想要監(jiān)控孩子們的網(wǎng)絡行為，但是孩子們都有密碼，不讓家長登陸。這個問題怎么解決呢？

斯馬特：聽著，我完全不同意（孩子們這樣做）。我在想為什么我們會同意讓諸如Google這些網(wǎng)絡媒體來教育我們的孩子，而不是我們自己。當孩子們說 “我們需要隱私”時，這表明他們需要對家長保留隱私，而沒有別的意思。我認為作為家長我們必須記得自己的孩子仍然需要規(guī)定和界限。所以我總是建議家長們，務必知道孩子們的密碼，讓它公開化。我的孩子們在他們成為青少年前，就知道，當他們有臉書或者社交媒體，我都會隨時檢查。社交媒體工具，不能放在在房間，就這樣。在晚上，我們所有的電話和設備都會放在臥室外的小桌子上充電，我們有吃飯時間、睡覺時間的使用禁令。我們對（孩子們的）網(wǎng)絡空間可以說“不”。作為父母我們還是有閱歷的，我們接觸這個社會的時間不短，知道社交是怎么一回事，因此網(wǎng)絡空間沒有什么不同。

主持人：所以最好的方法就是在孩子們上網(wǎng)之前就參與其中。但是如果已經(jīng)覆水難收了又該怎么辦呢？如果你有一個15歲還很脆弱的孩子……

斯馬特：嗯。

主持人：你看到他們的網(wǎng)絡行為出現(xiàn)問題，你會怎么做？

斯馬特：作為家長要誠實。告訴孩子這對于我來說是新的空間，這是我學過、仍然在不斷學習的事物，不要害怕對孩子們說“不”，他們比平時更需要你。所以你可能要面對孩子們兩個星期的抗爭，但是一旦他們懂得有新的規(guī)則，新的界限，他們就會順從。我們知道，作為家長，我們對未成年喝酒說“不”，對色情小說說“不”——因為我們知道它們有害，所以及時把他們拉回來。“孩子們一切安好”這一網(wǎng)站——我在里面是專家組的一員，里面有許多很棒的專家，家長們可以去那里確切地咨詢許多不同的問題。

主持人：這太好了，許多家長一定會很高興能夠咨詢這些問題。科萊特，非常感謝你。

斯馬特：謝謝。

主持人：真的很感謝你今早的建議。

斯馬特：謝謝。