On the Family Relationship between Chinese Culture and Western Culture

翟佳　胡偉華

【Abstract】People with different cultural background have different attitudes toward family relationship and will face many difficulties， obstacles， confusion， and depression while dealing with cultural shocks. This paper will mainly explore its nature of family relationship with examples between Chinese culture and Western culture including status， functions and social relationship of family.

【Key words】Nucleus family；Stem family；Chinese culture；Western culture

0 Introduction

Interpersonal relationship in different cultures differs greatly. Generally speaking， people in individual cultures seem to be more independent and have more their own space as well as relatively flexible relationship with others， whereas others in collective cultures have close relationship with their friends and pay great attention to all kinds of interpersonal relationship. Therefore， people with different cultural backgrounds will face many difficulties， obstacles， confusion， and depression while dealing with cultural shocks. This paper will mainly analyze different attitudes toward family relationship between Chinese culture and Western culture.

1 Status and Functions of Family

In western countries， the nucleus family plays the dominative role. First， they will separate from their parents at an early age， and try their best to earn money through their own trials and efforts. Second， although some young couples or children live together with their parents， they will pay the money for accommodation to maintain the spirits of independence， and vice versa. Third， parents prefer to live in the nurse house rather than stay with their children. Fourth， they often persuade students to live alone， do more part-time jobs by themselves and make their own decisions when they are at a young age. Actually， it is quite straightforward to understand the reason why they have so many viewpoints on childrens cultivation. As western countries essentially highlight and emphasize the significance of independence and individual capability in the establishment of nucleus family， they would like to enhance their childrens competence or capability to fortify their sense of independence.

In China， the stem family plays the prominent role. First， more and more young couples or children choose to live together with their parents. On one hand， it is convenient for them to take good care of their parents， as the filial piety is their top priority to keep in mind. On the other hand， parents can help children deal with some daily affairs and tell them some social experiences to avoid the unnecessary loss. Second， when parents become older and older， it will make them delighted to live under the same roof as their children. Generally speaking， all families in the past were mainly extended families. Since there are five or six people in each family， maintaining a better relationship for all the people will be an intractable issue. Although the nuclear or nucleus family is becoming more and more， it is still quite common to find some extended families in some places， especially the villages or suburbs.

In our Chinese tradition， family plays an essential role superior to both groups and individuals. It is well acknowledged that if someone makes a difference in some field， all the family members will be quite proud of you， and they will speak highly of you wherever they go. Nowadays， everyone at City Hall is receiving kickbacks. It is the only way to get things done. But once you did something shameful， all friends， neighbors， or even relatives will look down upon your family. More people will be far away from those persons who are suspicious of corruption. However， such a phenomenon will have its tendency to continue in the future.

2 Family Relationship

Filial piety， the love for parents， is a cardinal virtue my people have brought over from China. A Chinese child， wherever he lives， is brought up to recognize that he cant shame his parents. Before a Chinese child makes a move， he stops to think what the reaction of his parents will be.

Whats more， in English we just have grandmother， grandfather， brother and sister， but in Chinese we have 祖父母、外祖父母、哥哥、弟弟、姐姐及妹妹. If we want to express more exact， we have to add some morphemes to the original ones. Next， well pay more attention to the different attitudes toward family relationship between Chinese culture and western culture. Imagine the following situation：

The Chinese family， according to the traditional ideal， is one in which several generations of married couples live under the same roof. This is the large family ideal in which ancestors on the male side， their spouses， male descendants， and the yet unborn are part of that great whole. Now suppose your wife and your mother do not get along and your wife comes to you for support. You have basically two alternatives： either you side with her or you side with your mother. Living as you do， in a society where the husband-wife dyad is the dominant one， you must choose to support your wife. You certainly cannot afford to side with your mother； if you do， you cannot make such a view publicly known. If you and your wife happen to live next door to your mother， and if you consult a family counselor， you will be advised to find another house some distance away. Under the circumstances， you cannot even be neutral in the quarrel， for neutrality will be seen by your wife as lack of love and loyalty， in which case she will have the sympathy of relatives and friends alike.

On the other hand， the man in traditional China had to act and think in a totally different direction. Instead of two alternatives he had three： side with his wife， side with his mother， or more or less keep to a neutral course. It was most honorable to side with his mother； all the books told him to do so， and if his wife gave him trouble because of it she would have been judged wrong by all who heard about it. In fact， according to traditional Chinese custom and law， he would have been justified in divorcing her， for a mans relationship with his parents was primary whereas that with his wife was subordinate to it. His marriage， in the first place， brought a daughter-in-law to his parents. “One can always take another wife， but one cannot get another set of parents” so ran a Chinese proverb repeated often in folklore and stories.

Whats more， the obedience to parental authority is still one part of the filial piety. Parental arrangement of marriage is one aspect of it. But this obedience means many additional things. Not violating parental wishes is the obvious one. Not traveling to faraway places during the parents lifetime is another； if one is compelled by circumstances to travel， he must let his parents know his whereabouts and the time of his return. Not doing anything to defame the parents is a third； in fact， doing everything possible to make them proud is the preoccupation of the filial son. Finally， a good man must not knowingly invite physical danger which may deprive his parents of a son.

3 Social Relationship of Family

In China， family is the most important one among all social groups. Within the large group of related persons， the Chinese differentiate between those born and married to the male line and all others. The former are called pen chia （members of the family line）； the latter are called chin chi （relatives）. Women， by virtue of marriage and children， are incorporated into their husbands family lines and assume his surnames.

The Chinese custom of sworn brotherhood is not unlike the custom of blood brotherhood reported in many parts of the world.

A “dry father” is the equivalent of a godparent in the West except that he has nothing to do with religious affiliation. A Chinese may choose to do so because his father and a friend decided to strengthen their friendship by additional bond. In the latter instance a boy becomes the “dry son” of his fathers friend. In any case， a “dry son” and his “dry father” also have more ceremonial obligations to each other than a godson to his godfather.

But the bond does not stop there. An American has a godfather； that bond is confined to him and to the older man alone. The latters wife is his godfathers wife and his children are his godfathers children. Not so with the Chinese. My “dry fathers wife” is my “dry mother” and his children are my “dry siblings”. Exactly the same thing holds true with reference to sworn brothers parents， spouses， and children.

Thus， three of the outstanding characteristics of the Chinese way in kinship are also found in its extension： first， the subordination of the individual to his place in the kinship framework， including its authority； second， the continuation of the kinship bond through life， regardless of age； and third， a tendency for the kinship web to spread， once a basis for kinship is established. Of course， the web of kinship is not uniformly intense everywhere. One has many more duties， obligations， and privileges with reference to ones parents than with reference to brothers， more with reference to brothers than with cousins， and so forth. The Chinese have many specific rules governing such gradations. But a Chinese is never free from this web of kinship； as he goes through life， he is likely to have enlarged it.

4 Conclusion

People with different culture will accept different worldviews， values， cognitive methods， different roles and behaviors. Due to the influencing factors with distinctive characteristics， people from different cultural backgrounds adopt different norms and principles to handle family relationship. These influencing factors include culture， society， psychology， nature and geography， which are closely connected with each other implicitly and explicitly. Among them， culture is most important.

In this paper， the family relationship between Chinese and western countries has been studied and compared with the analysis of different attitudes toward family relationship. Through study and comparison， it is clear that there are great differences in family relationship between China and the western countries. In intercultural communication， all these differences will guide our intercultural family relationship and wider kinship so as to keep harmonious intercultural interpersonal communication for families.

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[責(zé)任編輯：薛俊歌]