We Had a Happy Weekend

Last weekend I went to the river for fishing with my cousin.It was a small river.We sat on the river beach and waited for the fish.Hu Dong is two years older than I and he is my cousin.He had two fish but I had none.

“Why doesn’t fish come to my hook?”I asked Hu Dong.“You’re too anxious to get fish.Take it easy and relax yourself,”he said.

So I took out a story book and read it.After a while,my cousin said to me,“Your hook moves①,and you’ll get it,”he smiled.

I picked up my fishing rod,then I got a fish.It was one and a half kilogram②.

I think my cousin is cleverer than I.He was so patient and clever that he could get more fish.I only got one fish that weekend,but I was very happy.It made me learn that I should be more patient.

湖南省永州市冷水灘區(qū)竹山橋?qū)W校八（59）班 胡賢鵬

【欄目要求】

1.將學(xué)生習(xí)作根據(jù)中考分值給出成績; 2.在應(yīng)該修改的地方劃線并標(biāo)注序號;

3.根據(jù)所標(biāo)序號進(jìn)行修改并說明修改的理由; 4.給學(xué)生習(xí)作點評<優(yōu)點與不足>;

5.請點評名師提供簡歷一份，包括：學(xué)校、職務(wù)、職稱、榮譽、教研教學(xué)成果、照片一張。

來稿請寄：430079華中師范大學(xué)外國語學(xué)院《中學(xué)生英語》雜志社 初中部收

本期點評名師

張造云男，任教于湖南省永州市冷水灘區(qū)竹山橋?qū)W校，中學(xué)一級教師，主導(dǎo)校本英語教材研究，不斷深入英語教研教改，主持校本課改專題《初中生聽說讀寫導(dǎo)學(xué)案教學(xué)》，有多篇論文在國家級省級發(fā)表和獲獎，輔導(dǎo)學(xué)生雙語寫作多次獲一等獎。教學(xué)論文《中學(xué)生英語寫作模式初探》2013年9月發(fā)表在《教師》雜志上，引起強烈反響。

1.優(yōu)點：

小作者將周末釣魚寫得生動有趣，釣魚的過程有詳有略，讓人如臨其境，文章結(jié)尾點出釣魚需要耐心的道理。全文生動流暢，又蘊含哲理，是一篇不錯的學(xué)生習(xí)作。

2.需要修改的地方：

①moves改為is moving。根據(jù)上下文來判斷，用現(xiàn)在進(jìn)行時表示魚兒正上鉤。

②kilogram改為kilograms。One and a half的意思是1.5，kilogram(公斤)用復(fù)數(shù)形式。

3.評分：

按湖南省永州市中考英語作文滿分10分的評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，本文修改前可得9分。

We Had a Happy Weekend