Last weekend I went to the river for fishing with my cousin.It was a small river.We sat on the river beach and waited for the fish.Hu Dong is two years older than I and he is my cousin.He had two fish but I had none.
“Why doesn’t fish come to my hook?”I asked Hu Dong.“You’re too anxious to get fish.Take it easy and relax yourself,”he said.
So I took out a story book and read it.After a while,my cousin said to me,“Your hook moves①,and you’ll get it,”he smiled.
I picked up my fishing rod,then I got a fish.It was one and a half kilogram②.
I think my cousin is cleverer than I.He was so patient and clever that he could get more fish.I only got one fish that weekend,but I was very happy.It made me learn that I should be more patient.
湖南省永州市冷水灘區(qū)竹山橋?qū)W校八(59)班 胡賢鵬
【欄目要求】
1.將學(xué)生習(xí)作根據(jù)中考分值給出成績; 2.在應(yīng)該修改的地方劃線并標(biāo)注序號;
3.根據(jù)所標(biāo)序號進(jìn)行修改并說明修改的理由; 4.給學(xué)生習(xí)作點評<優(yōu)點與不足>;
5.請點評名師提供簡歷一份,包括:學(xué)校、職務(wù)、職稱、榮譽、教研教學(xué)成果、照片一張。
來稿請寄:430079華中師范大學(xué)外國語學(xué)院《中學(xué)生英語》雜志社 初中部收
本期點評名師

張造云男,任教于湖南省永州市冷水灘區(qū)竹山橋?qū)W校,中學(xué)一級教師,主導(dǎo)校本英語教材研究,不斷深入英語教研教改,主持校本課改專題《初中生聽說讀寫導(dǎo)學(xué)案教學(xué)》,有多篇論文在國家級省級發(fā)表和獲獎,輔導(dǎo)學(xué)生雙語寫作多次獲一等獎。教學(xué)論文《中學(xué)生英語寫作模式初探》2013年9月發(fā)表在《教師》雜志上,引起強烈反響。

1.優(yōu)點:
小作者將周末釣魚寫得生動有趣,釣魚的過程有詳有略,讓人如臨其境,文章結(jié)尾點出釣魚需要耐心的道理。全文生動流暢,又蘊含哲理,是一篇不錯的學(xué)生習(xí)作。
2.需要修改的地方:
①moves改為is moving。根據(jù)上下文來判斷,用現(xiàn)在進(jìn)行時表示魚兒正上鉤。
②kilogram改為kilograms。One and a half的意思是1.5,kilogram(公斤)用復(fù)數(shù)形式。
3.評分:
按湖南省永州市中考英語作文滿分10分的評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn),本文修改前可得9分。
We Had a Happy Weekend