內向的你，沒必要模仿你那閃耀的閨蜜

文/Sophia Dembling 譯/木枝君 繪/ 也圓

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內向的你，沒必要模仿你那閃耀的閨蜜

文/Sophia Dembling 譯/木枝君 繪/ 也圓

My best friend in high school was a pretty， outgoing， talkative extrovert①extrovert 英 ［'ekstr?v??t］ 美 ［,?kstr?'v?t］ n. 外向；外傾者；性格外向者（等于extravert）. Not only did she have gorgeous skin， a cute figure，and shiny brown hair that fell practically to her bottom， she also was flirtatious②flirtatious 英 ［f??'te???s］ 美 ［f?'te??s］ adj. 輕浮的；調情的；愛調戲的Participants then had to judge the smiles on how trustworthy， attractive， dominant， fakeand flirtatious they made the faces seem. 然后被試將判斷他們看過的笑臉有多大程度的真實、有吸引力、張揚、虛偽和調情， opinionated，and quick to laugh. Boys were irresistibly drawn to her， and it seemed to me that she could get the adoring attention of anyone she wanted. At parties， she was the center of attention， the one laughing the loudest， flirting the hardest， and enrapturing everyone she met. In social situations I felt dumpy， clumsy， and dull next to her.

About four hundred years later，when through the modern miracle of the Internet I reconnected with people from high school， I was dumbfounded to learn that I hadn't been nearly as invisible as I'd thought. People noticed me， boys noticed me， even one of my secret crushes noticed me and admitted that he'd had a little crush on me，too. （Too bad neither of us said anything at the time， but that's high school.）

This realization forced me to recast my whole high school experience and， to an extent， my own self-image， in a different light. A softer one.

Here's the point： Sometimes we imagine that to get attention， we have to compete with extroverts' glitter and sparkle， and that can be discouraging. But it's also not correct. Remember how your mom used to tell you if that you just be yourself， the right person will come along？ For what is probablynot the first time， your mother was right.

The reality is that you are not competing with extroverts for attention. Extroverts and introverts are apples and oranges. Extroverts sparkle， introverts glow. Extroverts are fireworks， introverts are a fire in the hearth. Extroverts attract people who like razzledazzle，introverts attract people who want to bask in your warmth.

Remember that， if you're looking for a one and only.

I remember incidents in my youth when I tried to emulate my extroverted best friend. Most of the time they ended with me feeling foolish or getting the kind of attention I didn't like. I didn't have a boyfriend in high school in part because I didn't know what I had to offer. My high school friend knew exactly what drew people to her. They liked her flirtatiousness. They liked her bubbliness. They liked her audacious③audacious英 ［??'de???s］ 美 ［?'de??s］ adj. 無畏的；魯莽的It is modest and audacious， all at once. 這是適度而大膽的行動，一錘定音。in-your-faceness. But at that time， I had no idea what people might like in me. I was smart but remember complaining，"Nobody ever says， 'Holy cow！ Look at the IQ on that girl！' "My friends found me funny， but I was more about the witty aside than regaling the masses. I was a good sounding board， but， like most introverts， I was selective④selective 英 ［s?'lekt?v］ 美 ［s?'l?kt?v］ adj. 選擇性的；講究的Be selective about how you use your time and what you focus on. 有選擇性地使用你的時間和專注你需要的事物。about close friends so most people didn't benefit from that.

I wish I'd been more like my friend Niza， currently a junior in high school. "People seem to be drawn to my personality and awkwardness，" she says. "Strangely，my introversion works for me，which is cool！"

Cool indeed.

Introverts⑤introvert英 ［'?ntr?v??t］ 美 ［'?ntr?v?t］ vt. 使內向；使內傾；使內彎vi. 成為內彎；成為性格內向的人n. 內向的人；內翻的東西have many stellar qualities that we play close to the chest. But if you can't see them in yourself， you can't expect others to see them.

What are your finest qualities？

我高中時代最好的朋友長得漂亮，并且健談、外向。她不僅有著令人艷羨的皮膚，美好的身材，及腰的棕色長發，而且還輕佻、固執、愛笑。男孩們對她完全沒有抵御能力，在我看來，只要她愿意，她可以讓任何人喜歡她。在派對上，她總是眾人的焦點，她放聲大笑、風情萬種，令所有與她接觸的人都興高采烈。在社交場合中，與她相比我總是顯得那么矮胖、笨拙。

大概四個世紀之后，當我通過現代奇跡——網絡再次聯絡到高中同學時，我驚奇地發現我并不是像我想象的那樣默默無聞。大家都知道我，男孩子們也知道我，即使我暗戀的男孩都知道我，他還承認他也有點喜歡我（真遺憾那時我們誰也沒有對對方說出自己的心事，但那時我們還在上高中）。

這個事實讓我不得不重新回顧我的整個高中生涯，在某種程度上，從另一個更加寬容的角度，審視我自己。

問題在于，在我們的想象中，如果想要得到別人的關注，我們就不得不和那些外向的人比誰更閃耀奪目，這種想法會讓人變得沮喪。但其實這也不完全正確。記得你母親曾經告訴你，如果做好你自己，那么對的人將會到來嗎？你的母親說的很對，當然這也許不是她第一次如此正確。

事實上，你并沒有和那些外向的人爭“關注度”。外向的人和內向的人就好像是蘋果和橘子。外向的人璀璨，內向的人溫暖。外向的人好像是煙花，內向的人好像是爐火。外向的人吸引的是那些驕傲炫耀的人，內向的人吸引的是那些想要在你的溫暖中獲得快樂的人。

記得這一點，如果你是在尋找你一生的伴侶。

我記得在那段青蔥歲月里我試圖模仿我那外向的閨蜜。最終，大多數時候，人們總會讓我覺得自己很蠢或是我得到了自己并不喜歡的關注。高中時期我并沒有交到男友，部分是因為我不知道我應該展示什么。我的高中閨蜜很清楚人們怎么會被她吸引。人們喜歡她賣弄風情，喜歡她的熱情奔放。但在那個時候，我并不知道人們喜歡我什么。那個時候的我很聰明但是總在抱怨。沒人會說：“天啊！看看那女孩的智商吧！”我的朋友們覺得我很風趣，但其實我只是風趣而并不喜歡取悅大眾。我很容易就同他人形成共鳴，但是像大多數的內向的人一樣，我的朋友圈子很小，所以大部分的人并不了解我。

我多希望自己能夠更像我的朋友妮莎，現在正在高中里上高二，“人們似乎總被我的人格和尷尬表現所吸引，”她說，“實際上，我的內向性格太適合我了，太酷了。”

的確，很酷。

內向的人有許多優點，但總是藏得很深。但是如果你自己都無法發現這些優點，那么你更不能指望別人發現了。

你都有哪些優點呢？

Introvert You， No Need to Imitate Your Shining Bestie