TheSocialMannersandCourtesiesinBritainandAmerica

譚婷

1. Introduction

With the more and more international communication， it is necessary for us to learn manners and courtesies. Etiquette has been an important factor for communication since ancient times. Appropriate courtesies can deepen understanding and friendship. The essence of courtesies is that you concern about the people around you and take care of their necessity and emotion naturally.

However， different countries have different manners. Sometimes not understanding local manners and courtesies will lead misunderstanding and unhappiness. In order to understand these manners and avoid misunderstanding and unhappiness that may be caused by the differences of customs，it is essential for us to learn something about manners and courtesies. The thesis mainly takes the social manners and courtesies in Britain and America as examples and focuses on addressing courtesy， courtesies in greeting and introduction， conversation courtesy， visiting courtesy， etiquettes in presenting gifts and tipping courtesy.

2. The Social Manners and Courtesies in Britain and America

2.1 Addressing Courtesy

When you meet someone or have a conversation with somebody， a gentle mode of address always creates friendly atmosphere and harmonious emotion with each other. Different countries have different customs， so there must be some rules on mode of address.

2.1.1 Addressing by sex and name

It is common to address by sex in social life. It is a convenient and appropriate way of avoiding mistakes. As a general rule we may call a man “Mr.”； a woman who is married “Mrs.”； and an unmarried woman “Miss”. When we meet a woman whose marital status is unknown to us， we could call her “Ms.”. To a couple， “Mr.” and “Mrs.” can be linked together with a surname， like “Mr. & Mrs. Smith”. When addressing “Mr.”， “Ms.” or “Miss”， we can call their name together or call their surname together but we cannot use their given name only .For example， we can say “Mr. John Smith”； we can also say “Mr. Smith”， but we dont say “Mr. John”. This mode of address is formal but not close（Cao 2004）.

To the person we have close relationship with， like family members and friends， we can only call their given names without surnames， sometimes we even could use pet names， like “Johnny”（John）， “Tom”（Thomas）， “Elise”（Elizabeth） etc. .If the relationship between you and your friend is not close while you use his or her pet name without thinking about， that appears impolite. Generally speaking， we use pet name of our friends. Teenagers use pet names more often than adults； Americans use pet names more often than British. Most Americans arent fond of using address like Mr. ， Mrs. ， Miss. They believe these kinds of address are much too serious. Everyone in the U.S.A. likes his given name to be called directly and they regard the addressing as friendly expression（Dueing 1993）. When people meet each other for the first time， we should introduce ourselves with given name as well as surname， such as： “My name is Nancy Tan.” At this moment her friend can call her “Nancy” or “Miss Tan”. Usually people address his friend formally at the first meeting， however， after a short while they call given name only.

“Sir” and “Madam” are the courtesy title for those with social status and who are the old. We use courtesy title without names. Sometimes we get to know an American first and we dont know how to address him better.This time we could use Sir or Madam.

2.1.2 Addressing by technical and official titles

In conversation， speech， congratulatory message of some formal occasions， we always address by technical title and official title， such as Mr. Senator， Mr. Secretary General， Mr. Ambassador. “Excellency” is the courtesy title of government officials who enjoy high positions. For example， we should call chairman， president， premier/prime minister， minister， and ambassador Excellency. If we address face to face， we ought to use “Your Excellency”； “His Excellency” or “Her Excellency” can be used indirectly. If there are several respectable guests， we could use “Excellencies”.

2.1.3 Address forms of royal families and peers

Due to the differences of The state system， address forms are different too. We call king and queen “Majesty” and call prince， princess， and the royal princes “Royal Highness”. To the people who are Duke or Marquis or Earl or Viscount or Baron， we call them by their titles， such as “Duke Johnson”. To Duchess， we call their courtesy title “Grace”， or call “Your Grace” directly， or use “His/Her Grace” indirectly. We could use “Lady” or “Lady + the family name of husband” instead of Marchioness， Countess， Viscountess and Baroness. Their sons can be called “Lords”； their daughters can be called “Ladies”.

2.2 Courtesy in Greeting and Introduction

2.2.1 Courtesy in Greeting

In Ameica， when people meet， they always use certain etiquette to express their politeness and friendliness. The simplest greeting is “Good morning”， “Good afternoon” or “Good evening” ， and we answer that in the same way. Sometimes they say “Hello” or “ Hi ”， that equals “你好” in Chinese.

2.2.2 Courtesy in Introduction

When we communicate with foreigners， if we meet someone unknown， its necessary to introduce with each other. Usually introduction can be divided into self-introduction and introducing others.

Self-introduction usually means we introduce ourselves to the others proactively or in order to grant their request of introducing ourselves. Self-introduction can be divided into informal self-introduction and formal self-introduction in foreign affairs. The content of informal self-introduction is only introducing ones name. Name， place of work， department， and post make up formal self-introduction. It is suitable to use the formal self-introduction in business foreign affairs.

Introducing others means introducing two strangers by someone. Its feature is duel direction and symmetry. When introducing others in foreign affairs， first， please pay attention to the status of introducer. Especially in the formal communication， there are certain requests for the status of introducer. Introducer usually should be hostess. On the formal occasion with several parties， the people in the party always are introduced to the people of other parties one by one by person in charge of their own parties.

Secondly， you ought to observe the rule of sequence when introducing. Traditionally， host is first； guest is second. Person of lower position is first； person of higher position is second. Gentleman is first； lady is second. Junior is first； senior is second. Individual is first； group is second.

When you introduce someone to the other， youd better use your palm instead of finger. If you are introduced， you could answer with nodding and smiling and if you answer with some greetings， that could be better， such as “How do you do！” or “Nice to meet you.” This way can harmonize close atmosphere of introducing（Marriet 2004）.

Shaking hands need to be short-time and powerful. Americans believe that shaking hands with strength stands for frankness and straightforwardness. Usually， a lady gets her hand unfolded first； a man would shake hands with her （no hands shaking among females）.If a lady is not willing to shake hands， a man can nod or bow instead. Shaking hands with ladies cannot be too tight. Elders put hand first between the old and the young. Superior is first between superior and inferior. Host is first between guest and host. You should take off your gloves before shaking hands. Dont shake hands with a lot of people once. You can kiss cheeks among relatives and friends. Ladies kiss cheeks with each other yet men kiss womens cheeks first. There is no need shaking hands when leaving. Saying “Good-bye！” is OK.

2.3 Conversation Courtesy

Different countries and nations， because of different histories and religions or other elements， have their own special conventions and manners which should be respectable. In America， all the action is originated from self-centered. Personal interest is sacred and inviolable.This kind of principle infiltrate the every aspect of social life. Private affairs are not expected to be involved in the daily conversation. Therefore， its very important to respect privacy of others when talking. Commonly， the smart way of communicating is trying avoiding something unhappy. As a rule you cant ask a woman her age and marital status. To ordinary people， you couldnt ask his or her personal history， personal experience， possession， price of belongings， health condition， personal income， vote， or other private affairs directly. To the questions they are reluctant to answer youd better not get to the root of the matter. Also you should pay attention not to criticize senior and superior and do not laugh at others. At the same time we need to hold discreet attitude towards religious issues.

2.4 Visiting Courtesy

Please ensure that if visiting foreigners， you must make an appointment in advance. If you want to make a business call， you ought to try to avoid going to private domicile. When you make an appointment， you should avoid festival， holiday， meal time， and other inconvenient time to your friends. If you have to trouble your colleague because of emergencies and you have no an appointment first， youd better not choose morning or night. If you really have to meet someone at the private time， you ought to offer an apology first when you meet your friends， saying “Sorry to interrupt/trouble/disturb you” and explain the reason for disturbing.

2.5 Etiquettes in Presenting Gifts

First， they should be of commemortive and ornamental value. Second， they possess the quality of national characteristics. Third， the hobby and taboo of guests should be considered. Fourth， the package of gifts needs to be payed attentioned to.

It is not necessary to bring gifts when visiting someone in his or her house. Nor can you present gifts when other people dont .Generally speaking， it is not proper to present gifts in public. Amerivans like gifts symbolizing friendship and they pay attention to the package. Even the gifts for relatives and friends are enclosed with present card. The purpose of presenting gifts must be clear， otherwise itll make the receiver at a loss. Cake， candy， chocolate，book， especially the folk artwork with national characteristics such as facial makeup in operas， clay figurine， hosiery and paper-cut can be taken as gifts. Besides， nail-clipper and cooling ointment are very popular among foreign friends.

2.6 Tipping Courtesy

Tipping is acceptable in Britain and America. In a tipping culture， people communicate nonverbally by their tipping practices； those who are basically miserly and those who are generous will reveal these traits by their tipping behavior， experts studied the variations of tipping in different countries. Comparing the types of services that were tipped in each country with personality tastes that had been given to people in those countries， they came to the conclusion that countries with more extroverted and neurotic people gave tips to the greatest number of services and also tipped the largest amounts.（The U.S. was at the top of both of those categories.） Their theory is that “extroverts are outgoing， dominating， social people” and sees tipping as an incentive for the waiter to give them extra attention. Neurotics are more prone to guilt and general anxiety， making them tip more because of their perceived difference in status between themselves and the servers.

3. Conclusion

Social manners and courtesies are playing a more and more important part in modern society. So learning the social mannners and courtesies has become a must in cross-cultural communication. After dwelling on the social manners and courtesies in Britain and Ameica in six aspects， the author hopes that the thesis can be of some help to English language learners. First， it intends to help learners have a better understanding of social manners and courtesies. Besides， it will improve the ability of communicating with people in Britain and America.Thirdly， it could hamonize with culture of Britain and America in the field of social life or business.