大學(xué)適合我嗎？

I always wanted to go to college， but didn&apos；t think I was "good enough". My high school years were rocky1）. I was asked to leave my first school—a private Catholic school—at the end of freshman year. I&apos；d been hanging out with troublemakers， and my passing grades weren&apos；t high enough to be "Catholic-school acceptable".

At my second school， I also had a lot of friends， which led to easy distraction and bad grades. School wasn&apos；t important to me； I just wanted to go out and chill2）. I was falling behind， but I couldn&apos；t see how it would affect my future options.

I didn&apos；t get a lot of strong guidance from my parents. My mother hadn&apos；t attended college herself， and I knew she wanted me to go. But she never stressed it or really pushed me to get my work done.

我一直想上大學(xué)，但又覺得自己“不夠優(yōu)秀”。我高中那幾年過(guò)得磕磕絆絆的。我上的第一所高中是一所天主教私立學(xué)校，在高一學(xué)年末我被要求退學(xué)，因?yàn)槲艺旌鸵粠蛽v蛋鬼混在一起，雖然考試成績(jī)及格了，但不足以達(dá)到為“天主教學(xué)校所接受的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)”。

在第二所高中，我又交到了很多朋友，這導(dǎo)致我容易分心、成績(jī)差。學(xué)業(yè)對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)不重要，我只想出去放松一下。我慢慢落在了后面，但當(dāng)時(shí)我看不出這會(huì)怎樣影響我未來(lái)的選擇。

我的父母沒有給過(guò)我很多有力的引導(dǎo)。我媽媽自己就沒上過(guò)大學(xué)，我知道她希望我上大學(xué)。但她從來(lái)不強(qiáng)調(diào)這一點(diǎn)，也從來(lái)不真的督促我完成作業(yè)。

During senior year， I wanted to turn back the hands of time. It started with parent-teacher conferences， where all of my teachers talked about how smart I was and how they wished I would put more effort into my school work. Afterwards， my parents wanted to discuss my future.

My father wanted me to become a cop. His main focus was me being able to retire after 20 years on the force. But I knew for sure I was not interested in law enforcement3）. My mother doubted that I would take college seriously and change my lazy ways. She was afraid I would go and end up partying4）.

Meanwhile， ever since I was small， my grandmother had told me， "I just want you to go to college and be someone in life." I didn&apos；t want to disappoint her or anyone else in my family by not living up to my potential. But I felt unsure of what I wanted.

The truth is， I did have goals. I&apos；ve always wanted either to become an astronomer or to become a news reporter or meteorologist5） （all of which require college）. I&apos；ve never been shy and I can talk to people about anything， which is essential in journalism. And I have always had a love for the stars and the planets. If I didn&apos；t go to college， what would I do？ These dreams would be out of reach.

But I never really spoke to anyone about my goals； I just figured I would deal with them when the time came. Now the time had come， and I had no clue what to do.

高中畢業(yè)那年，我希望時(shí)間倒流。事情的起因是家長(zhǎng)會(huì)，會(huì)上所有的老師都說(shuō)我有多聰明、他們有多希望我能把更多的精力放到學(xué)業(yè)上。事后，我父母就想討論一下我的未來(lái)。

爸爸希望我成為一名警察。他主要關(guān)注的是我能在加入警隊(duì)20年后享受退休待遇。但我清清楚楚地知道我對(duì)執(zhí)法行業(yè)并不感興趣。媽媽不相信我會(huì)認(rèn)真對(duì)待上大學(xué)這件事并改掉我的懶惰習(xí)氣。她擔(dān)心我上大學(xué)會(huì)以吃喝玩樂而告終。

同時(shí)，從小奶奶就告訴我：“我唯一的希望就是你能上大學(xué)，出人頭地。”我不想愧于自己的潛力，讓她或家里任何人失望。但我不確定自己想要什么。

實(shí)際上，我是有目標(biāo)的。我一直想成為一名宇航員或新聞?dòng)浾呋驓庀髮W(xué)家（所有這些都需要大學(xué)教育）。我從不害羞，能和別人聊任何話題，這對(duì)從事新聞工作是必要的。我也一直對(duì)恒星和行星抱有熱情。如果我不上大學(xué)，我該怎么辦？這些夢(mèng)想將遙不可及。

但我從未真正和任何人談起過(guò)我的目標(biāo)。我只覺得時(shí)間一到我自然就能應(yīng)付。現(xiàn)在時(shí)間已到，我卻毫無(wú)頭緒，不知該做什么。

As college application deadlines drew closer， I started doing some serious thinking. I knew that college was something I wanted to experience. Most of my friends were planning on going away for college； knowing they were doing what I wanted to do made me feel disappointed and ashamed. I knew my grades and lack of motivation were in danger of holding me back.

It was late to act， but better late than never. So when I got the opportunity to visit Herkimer Community College in upstate New York， I took it as a chance to get a feel for college life and help my decision-making process. I spent three days there and stayed with my cousin， who lived with four other girls in housing off campus.

While they did homework， they told me all about life in college. They had complete freedom， coming and going as they pleased. They would stay up late at night and still get up and go to class. They had a lot of work， but it was nothing they couldn&apos；t handle.

I realized that college would give me a feeling of being on my own. But I knew I wasn&apos；t completely ready for independence. I have never been away from my family and friends for a long period， so the idea was nerve-racking6） and exciting at the same time.

隨著大學(xué)申請(qǐng)的截止日期越來(lái)越近，我開始做一些認(rèn)真的思考。我知道大學(xué)是我想要去體驗(yàn)的東西。我大部分的朋友都在計(jì)劃離家去上大學(xué)，知道他們正在做我想要做的事情讓我感到又沮喪又羞愧。我知道我的成績(jī)和動(dòng)力不足都有拖我后腿的危險(xiǎn)。

現(xiàn)在開始行動(dòng)是晚了，但晚做總比不做好。因此，當(dāng)我有機(jī)會(huì)參觀紐約州北部的赫爾基摩社區(qū)學(xué)院時(shí)，我認(rèn)為這是一個(gè)讓我親身感受大學(xué)生活的好機(jī)會(huì)，而且對(duì)我做決定也有幫助。我在那里待了三天，和我表姐住在一起，她和另外四個(gè)女孩一起住在校外。

她們一邊做作業(yè)，一邊給我講述大學(xué)生活的方方面面。她們有充分的自由，可以想來(lái)就來(lái)、想走就走。她們也會(huì)熬夜到很晚，第二天照常起床去上課。她們作業(yè)很多，但都能應(yīng)付。

我認(rèn)識(shí)到，大學(xué)將給我一種“自力更生”的感覺。但我也知道，我并沒有完全做好自立的準(zhǔn)備。我從未離開家人和朋友很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間，所以這個(gè)想法讓我既緊張又興奮。

The trip got me thinking more realistically about my options. Although I preferred to go away for college， because of my grades I realized that I needed a Plan B. I could live at home and attend a two-year community college in the city， and then transfer to a four-year school after raising my GPA. Another option was to take a break after high school and find a job， saving up enough money to support myself through school.

I was confused and wished I had more time. It was now November and deadlines were approaching. College applications needed to be done， I still needed to apply for financial aid， and I hadn&apos；t taken the SATs yet.

I realized that wishing I had done better in the past was keeping me from pursuing the future. I feared my bad habits would repeat themselves and I would get caught up—not doing my work， getting easily distracted and not succeeding. I was stuck， and now I see that it was mostly about me doubting myself. I knew I could do better than failing grades and tardiness， but I was almost ready to give up without trying.

In the end， I decided to go to a community college in the city for a year， improve my grades and transfer. While I&apos；m going to community college I will mentally prepare to move out. I plan on finding a part-time job. This way I can get a feel of both college life and work before I leave home.

此趟大學(xué)之行讓我對(duì)如何選擇進(jìn)行了更加現(xiàn)實(shí)的思考。雖然我更傾向于離家上大學(xué)，但因?yàn)槲业某煽?jī)不夠理想，我意識(shí)到自己需要一個(gè)備用計(jì)劃。我可以先住在家里，在本市上一所兩年制社區(qū)學(xué)院，提高我的在校平均分?jǐn)?shù)后再轉(zhuǎn)學(xué)到一所四年制學(xué)校。我的另一個(gè)選擇是高中畢業(yè)后先休學(xué)，找一份工作，攢夠供自己上學(xué)的錢。

我非常迷茫，希望自己能有更多的時(shí)間。現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)11月了，最后期限越來(lái)越近。我不僅有大學(xué)申請(qǐng)表要填，還需要申請(qǐng)助學(xué)金，而且我還沒考“賽達(dá)”（編注：美國(guó)的學(xué)術(shù)能力評(píng)估測(cè)試，相當(dāng)于中國(guó)的高考）。

我認(rèn)識(shí)到，希望自己過(guò)去能做得更好只會(huì)阻礙我追求未來(lái)。我害怕自己會(huì)陋習(xí)復(fù)發(fā)，害怕我會(huì)陷進(jìn)去——不做作業(yè)、上課容易走神、考試不及格。過(guò)去的我深陷其中難以自拔，而現(xiàn)在我終于看清楚，最大的問(wèn)題是我對(duì)自己不自信。我知道自己能做得比考試掛科、學(xué)習(xí)拖拉更好，但我?guī)缀踉嚩疾辉嚲痛蛩惴艞墶?/p>

最后，我決定先在本市的一所社區(qū)學(xué)院上一年學(xué)，把我的成績(jī)提高一些，然后再轉(zhuǎn)學(xué)。在我去社區(qū)學(xué)院上學(xué)期間，我還將做好心理準(zhǔn)備搬出去住。我計(jì)劃找一份兼職工作。通過(guò)這種方式我可以在離家前同時(shí)體驗(yàn)大學(xué)生活和工作兩種感覺。

The only thing left to do was let my parents know my decision. I hoped they&apos；d be supportive， which would make an already difficult situation easier. One night I sat down with my mother. As I spoke， I tried to read her facial expression.

After our conversation I felt good about the decision I made. Knowing I had my mom&apos；s support gave me that push I needed to start my college journey.

In the end， I want to prove my old doubts wrong and make my family proud.

剩下唯一要做的就是讓父母知道我的決定了。我希望他們能夠支持我，這件事雖然已經(jīng)很難了，但有了他們的支持就能容易一些。一天晚上，我坐下來(lái)和媽媽聊天。我一邊說(shuō)話，一邊試著讀懂她臉上的表情。

我們聊完之后，我感覺自己做了個(gè)明智的決定。知道媽媽是支持我的，這給了我開啟大學(xué)之旅所需要的那一股推力。

終于，我想要證明我以前對(duì)自己的那些懷疑是錯(cuò)的，我想讓家人為我自豪。

Now， my biggest worry is whether I can banish my self-doubt. I avoid studying and finishing my assignments because I&apos；m afraid of failing yet again. Instead， I procrastinate8）. I play with my phone， watch TV and surf the internet. Sometimes I waste hours this way. I&apos；m concerned that I&apos；ll continue these bad habits when I get to college， so I&apos；ve started thinking about what I can do to change.

For one thing， I have to get strict with myself about sticking with a study schedule. And I have to completely unplug9）： turn off my phone and the TV， and try to avoid the internet. I also realized that I focus better when I study with someone else， so I&apos；m going to make a point to let10） my mom quiz me， and form study groups with my classmates. I&apos；ve been told it&apos；s good to meet with my professors during their office hours， and I think that may help me follow through with assignments. I&apos；m still nervous about whether I&apos；ll be able to do all of these things， but it&apos；s better than having no plan at all.

現(xiàn)在，我最擔(dān)心的就是自己能不能擺脫自我懷疑。我之所以逃避學(xué)習(xí)、不完成作業(yè)，是因?yàn)槲液ε略俅问　Ｎ曳炊x擇了拖延。我玩手機(jī)、看電視、上網(wǎng)。有時(shí)我能就這樣浪費(fèi)掉好幾個(gè)小時(shí)。我擔(dān)心上大學(xué)后會(huì)保留這些壞習(xí)慣，所以我開始考慮我能做些什么來(lái)改變自己。

首先，我必須嚴(yán)格要求自己堅(jiān)持執(zhí)行學(xué)習(xí)計(jì)劃。其次，我必須和一切電子產(chǎn)品徹底分手：關(guān)掉手機(jī)和電視，并盡量不上網(wǎng)。我還發(fā)現(xiàn)，當(dāng)我和另一個(gè)人一起學(xué)習(xí)的時(shí)候，我的注意力更集中，所以我要專門讓媽媽測(cè)驗(yàn)我，并和班上的同學(xué)結(jié)成學(xué)習(xí)小組一起學(xué)習(xí)。有人告訴我一個(gè)好方法，那就是在教授們的辦公時(shí)間里去向他們請(qǐng)教，我覺得這個(gè)方法或許有助于我堅(jiān)持做完作業(yè)。我現(xiàn)在依然忐忑不安，不知自己是否能夠做到所有這些事情，但現(xiàn)在這樣總好過(guò)完全沒有計(jì)劃。