嘿，別在自戀了

銘之

Want to Make the World a Better Place？

Stop Obsessing over Yourself

我們經常會發現，生活中的那些大難題，其解決方案并不是迷戀自己的生活、專注自己的目標、執著于讓我們工作到筋疲力盡的繁忙時間表，而是在于自我之外，在于人與人之間的聯系。

I am a busy person. Im an attorney， a blogger， a childrens book author， a writing consultant， an entrepreneur， and a regular volunteer at my church. Having moved to Los Angeles from the east coast recently， I often wake up to1） hundreds of texts and emails. Like many of you， Im constantly on the go2）. When I do have free time， I fill it with lunches， brunches， and social activities.

I recently started a storytelling company called the Auditory Museum. We believe in the power of shared experiences. As part of our mission， were committed to using personal stories as a vehicle for social change. Last week， I flew back to the east coast for a friends wedding. After the wedding， I had a few hours to kill before my red-eye flight3） back home. Like any good entrepreneur， I decided to sit in the hotel lobby at midnight with my laptop and get some work done.

While crafting an email about the importance of storytelling， I was interrupted by a gentleman who was curious as to what I was working on. He smiled at me and asked me what I was doing. Annoyed that I had lost my train of thought， I gave him a fake smile and explained that I was “working.” I then went back to crafting my email. “We live in a culture of moments and milestones4） ...”

Unsatisfied with my icy response to his question， the overly inquisitive gentleman sat down next to me in the hotel lobby. “Why are you working at midnight？ What do you do？ Where are you from？ Whats your story？” Now， at this point， the irony was not lost on me. I was so consumed with my task that I had prioritized sending a non-pressing email over the opportunity to engage in conversation.

I closed my laptop and smiled. I told the gentleman about my company， my passion for storytelling， and my desire to create social change through the sharing of personal experiences. He began to tell me his life story. He talked to me about his children. We talked about how his father had never been a part of his life growing up， and how that had led to insecurities he was now forced to deal with in his relationship with his own children. He told me about his careeraspirations5）， and his experience growing up in a poor， all-black neighborhood. One hour later， he thanked me for my time， wished me luck with all of my endeavors， and walked away.

That night I learned a very valuable lesson. We live in a generation obsessed with self—self improvement， self help， self development， etc. Even in our most philanthropic moments， we look for opportunities to put ourselves in the center of the experience. Its become cool to go on service trips， do lots of self-reflecting， and post Facebook statuses about how the experience has changed our lives.

I dont think theres anything “wrong” with focusing on ourselves. In fact， its arguably necessary for personal growth. However， self obsession is socially and politically destructive. Having gone on mission trips6）， I can attest to the fact that serving is definitely life changing. But when we begin to prioritize our own self-growth over creating social change， we lose sight of the bigger picture. The inability to care about people and issues that dont directly affect us has contributed to the extremely hostile， polarized political climate in our country that has defined much of the last decade.

Today， I challenge all of you to identify ways in which you can shift the focus from yourself to someone else in various areas of your life. Pay close attention to the moments and milestones in your life that present opportunities for you to personally invest in other people. Trying to create better eating habits for yourself？ Cook a health conscious meal for a friend. Having a good day？ Try taking off your headphones during your evening commute on the train， and spark a conversation with the person sitting next to you. If you cant muster up7） enough courage to talk to people， smile at people. Did you know that smiling is contagious8）， and scientifically proven to reduce stress and improve health？

If you want to make the world a better place， stop obsessing over yourself. Ironically， in focusing on others， you may find that the greatest sense of self-fulfillment follows altruistic9） behavior. Instead of obsessing over our lives， our goals， and our busy schedules as we work toward burnout， we can often find the answer to lifes greatest problems outside of ourselves， in human connection.

我是個大忙人。我身兼數職：律師、博主、童書作家、寫作顧問、企業家以及教堂的定期志愿者。我最近從東海岸搬到了洛杉磯，經常發現收到數以百計的短信和電子郵件。像很多人那樣，我總是忙個不停。當我的確有空時，我的時間又被午餐、早午餐以及社交活動填滿。

我最近成立了一家講故事公司，叫做“聽覺博物館”。我們相信分享經歷帶來的力量。我們的一項使命是，致力于運用個人故事為手段來促進社會變化。上周（編者注：英文原文發表于2016年8月31日），我飛回東海岸，去參加一位朋友的婚禮。婚禮結束后，在搭乘紅眼航班回家之前，我還有幾個小時的時間可以消磨。就像任何優秀的企業家那樣，我決定半夜坐在賓館大廳，用我的筆記本電腦完成一些工作。

我在寫一封郵件，闡述講故事的重要性，這時一位先生打斷了我，他好奇我在忙什么。他沖我微笑，問我在做什么。我的思路被打亂，有些惱怒，于是假裝對他笑笑，解釋說我正在“工作”。然后我繼續寫郵件?！拔覀兩钤谝粋€看重各種時刻與里程碑的文化中……”

這位偏愛刨根問底的先生對我這種冷冰冰的回答并不滿意，于是他挨著我在賓館大堂坐下?！澳銥槭裁窗胍惯€在工作？你是干什么的？你從哪里來？你有怎樣的經歷？”這時，就在此刻，我覺察到了諷刺的意味。我過于專注自己的任務，太看重發送一封并不緊急的電子郵件，卻看輕了與他人交談的機會。

我合上了筆記本電腦并露出微笑。我對這位先生講述了我的公司、我對講故事的熱愛，以及我想通過分享個人經歷推動社會變化的愿望。他開始給我講他的人生故事。他向我談到他的孩子。我們聊到了他的父親，父親在他的成長過程中一直缺席，而這導致他總是有不安全感，如今在處理自己與孩子的關系時，他被迫要應對這種不安全感。他向我講述了他在事業上的志向，講述了他在貧困的全黑人社區長大的經歷。一小時后，他感謝我花時間和他聊天，祝我心想事成，然后就走了。

那天晚上，我學到了非常珍貴的一課。我們所生活的這個時代迷戀自我——自我完善、自助自立、自我發展等等。即便是我們最樂于助人的時刻，我們也尋找機會讓自己成為這種經歷的核心。踏上志愿者服務之旅，進行大量自省，并在臉書上發表狀態講述這種經歷如何改變了自己的生活——這些如今成為一種時髦。

我覺得專注于自己并沒有什么“錯”。事實上，可以說這對于個人成長是必要的。但是，無論從社會角度還是政治角度來看，自我迷戀都具有破壞性。我曾多次進行宣教旅行，我能證明服務社會的確會改變人生。但是，如果我們更看重的是我們自己的自我成長，而非促成社會變化，那我們就只見樹木不見森林。我們不關心不直接影響自己的人和事，這已導致我們的國家出現了極度對抗、兩極分化的政治氛圍，過去十年間大抵如此。

今天，我向大家提議，請你確定，在自己生活的方方面面中，你可以通過哪些方式將關注點從自身轉移到其他人身上。在你的生活中，有些特定時刻與里程碑能為你提供親自為他人貢獻的機會，請密切關注這樣的時刻與里程碑。試圖讓自己養成更好的餐飲習慣？請為朋友做一頓健康餐。今天過得不錯？傍晚在列車上通勤時試著摘下耳機，與坐在旁邊的人開啟一段對話。你如果無法鼓足勇氣與他人聊天，那就對他們微笑。你知道嗎？微笑具有感染性，而且科學研究證明，微笑能夠降低壓力、改善健康。

如果你想要讓世界變得更美好，請不要再迷戀自我。出乎意料的是，如果你把重點放在他人身上，你會發現無私的利他行為會帶來無與倫比的自我滿足感。我們經常會發現，生活中的那些大難題，其解決方案并不是迷戀自己的生活、專注自己的目標、執著于讓我們工作到筋疲力盡的繁忙時間表，而是在于自我之外，在于人與人之間的聯系。

6. mission trip：宣教旅行，指基督教徒進行以宣傳教旨為目的的短期旅行。

7. muster up：鼓起（勇氣等）

8. contagious [k?n?te?d??s] adj. （情緒等）感染性的；會蔓延開的

9. altruistic [??ltru??st?k] adj. 利他主義的；利他的，無私的