文/唐老雅
雅思作文經常需要舉例,一是字數的需要,二是論證的需要,三是讓作文顯得生動活潑的需要。因此,幾乎所有雅思作文都需要舉例。那么,雅思寫作到底該如何舉例呢?
首要問題就是:舉什么作為例子?其實,例子很多,包括名人經歷、個人經歷、同學朋友經歷、小說里讀到的、電影里看到的、報紙上刊登的……,都可以作為例子來證明你的觀點!但是,老雅認為,對多數烤鴨來說,首先考慮的應該是寫個人經歷或周圍熟悉的人或物,因為熟悉,所以可以降低犯錯的機率。
接下來的問題是:怎么舉例?老雅區分兩類:有形的舉例和無形的舉例。有形的舉例就是用一些for instance、for example、a case in point is這樣的連接詞來舉例,通常顯得生硬,但很明晰;無形的舉例就是把例子自然地融入到上下文中,雖然沒有連接詞,卻勝似有連接詞,這樣的舉例就像武功高手,收放自如,舉重若輕,卻顯得優雅、有格調。老雅先講講有形的舉例供6分段同學參考,然后再總結高分段的舉例策略。
1) Take … for example 以……為例
2) To see this more clearly, let’s take…as an illustration. 為看得更清楚,我們舉……為證。
3) A (good) case in point is… 一個(恰當的)例子是……
4) Perhaps the most well-known/important/convincing/interesting example is… 也許最為人所知/重要/有說服力/有趣的例子是……
5) …is frequently quoted/cited/taken as an illustration of… 人們經常舉……來證明……
6) There is abundant evidence to support… 有足夠的證據支持……
7) The latest survey/studies conducted by ... indicates/reveals/shows/ that...最近由……進行的調查/研究表明……
Hard work is more important than the innate talent. For example, my friend John is a great piano player though he is not really gifted, because he practices playing piano almost every day.
分析:努力工作比天分更重要。怎么來說明這個道理?最好的辦法就是舉例。舉什么?舉我的朋友約翰。雖然他天分不怎么樣,但他依然彈得好,因為他天天練習。這個例子很直接地說明了努力比天分更重要。
One benefit machines have brought to us is that it saves us huge amount of time. In the case of making a pair of shoes, almost 70% of manufacturing time could be reduced if it were mass-produced according to some research fi ndings.
機器帶給我們的好處之一是節約我們的時間。怎么說明這個道理?仍然是舉例。大規模批量生產鞋子,可以節約70%的生產時間。這個例子也很有力地說明了論點。
有形的舉例比較容易,老雅在創作真題范文時,也曾多次應用到這個策略。請看:
1. More significantly, living with people of different ethnic groups will enable us to become more understanding and tolerant, which is, of course, very important to a peaceful world. In my neighborhood, for example, there are people from China, India and Africa. During Chinese New Year Holidays, we invite our Indian and African friends to our house and show them how Chinese people spend their Spring Festival. Our Indian neighbors teach us how to play cricket,which is their national sports and African friends show us the beautiful dances particular to their culture. In this way, we share what we have and learn what we do not, and our neighborhood is always happy and full of joy. (“唐老雅英語寫作工作室”公眾號,2016年4月4日)
2. On the one hand, many people hold the opinion that healthcare should be free. They argue that, if the healthcare is free, people will not have to worry about the expensive healthcare expenses. This is particularly important for those economically under-privileged. With free healthcare, they can go to hospital whenever they find there is anything wrong with their health without worrying about money. This will, of course, enhance their sense of well-being and the entire society will become much more harmonious. My uncle is a good example.He developed T.B. when he was at his 50s. He would be dead now but for the free healthcare policy practiced in the region where he lives. Now he and his family are very much grateful to the local government and would do everything for it.(“唐老雅英語寫作工作室”公眾號,2016年3月20日)
老雅在多年雅思寫作教學中,總結出了以下舉例的高分策略:
策略1:高度濃縮,直指需要論證問題的核心。
策略2:多為復雜句,包含比較豐富、具體的內容。
策略3:一般用1句,也可用“1短句 +1長句”的組合。
Some students use websites which offer ready-made assignments. This is not a good idea, even if you ignore the fact that it is cheating, because such websites may contain factual errors or biased views. In a recent case, a student found herself in serious trouble when she submitted an essay from one of these sites only to discover that it was about Austria, not Australia, but had an error in the title.(來源:雅思官方9分范文)
這里需要論證網絡上獲取的信息可能不準確。怎么論證?舉例。怎么舉例?一位同學惹上了麻煩,為什么呢?因為她從網站上弄了一篇文章,然后提交給了老師,卻發現,這文章標題弄錯了,不是澳大利亞,而是奧地利。看!這個例子中內容多么豐富,多么具體。原文用in a recent case (=for example)引導出一個長例子。如果我們這樣來寫這個例子,各位看看差距在哪里?
For example, a student got an essay from one website and then submitted it to the professor. Then she discovered that it had an error in the title. It was about Austria, not Australia. The student found herself in serious trouble.
信息與原文完全一致,但這里眾多分散的短句給人的感覺就不是在舉例來說明前面的論點,而是在講述這個例子本身了。
Sometimes the most talented person can make for(走向;成為)one of the most ineffective managers. You can see this in sports, for example, where retired superstars often find it difficult to coach or manage successfully because they are now supervising lesser mortals that weren’t blessed with the same degree of innate talent. (BBC, May 28, 2014)
這里要論證的是:最有才華的人可能成為最糟糕的經理。舉運動員為例:那些退役的超級球星往往很難成功地經營管理,因為他們現在管理的這些人的天賦遠不及他們。
好,我們來模仿一下:
Sometimes young people can do a better job than their older counterparts in leading a team forward. You can see this in IT sector, for example, where the old people often find it impossible to head a team because their past experience and expertise fall out too soon to be useful any more.
這里要論證,年輕人比老年人更適合當領導。舉IT業為例:老年人的經驗在IT業中很快就過時無用了,因此很難領導一個團隊。
We need an authoritative voice telling people to take breaks in your days, to slow down. I remember I met once with a young person, 21 years old, who said every time she tried to study or focus she would find herself staring at the clouds and trees. Later I found she did not have any disorder; what she really needed was nothing else but a break. (Chicago Tribune, August 18, 2015)
這里需要論證的是:人們需要休息,需要慢下來。用個人經歷來論證。有次遇到一個21歲的年輕人,她說自己工作的時候就眼冒金星。后來我發現她沒有病,她需要的就是休息。這樣的舉例純粹就是耍流氓,管它有無其事,你只需要若無其事地編得真有其事即可(隨帶添點細節,比如這里特別注明了年齡,讀起來就好像真有那么回事,其實都可能是亂編的!)。
The situation would be better if people really tried their best to save the creature. Panda is a good example. Panda is a typical endangered animal which only lives in China. The number of Panda used to be less than 200. Nevertheless,the lovely appearance of panda attract the world’s attention. It is favoured by people all over the world. Finally, though it is still endangered, the number of panda grows to 1000. According to these, it is obvious that the situation can be changed.
這里的論點是:如果我們盡力挽救動物,動物滅絕的情形就會改變。怎么論證?該同學舉了熊貓的例子。她的思路是這樣的:熊貓是一種瀕危動物,只有中國才有。熊貓以前的數量不足200。然而,熊貓的可愛模樣吸引了世界的注意力。全世界的人都喜歡熊貓。最后,雖然還是瀕危動物,但其數量增長到了1000。這就說明,情形顯然是可以改變的。這個舉例內容很合適,完全說明了觀點,舉例的語言大體也清楚,這樣的作文可得6分,若要更上一層樓,必須改進,按照老雅剛才的高分舉例標準進行改造:最多兩句話,重點內容用主句,細節用從句。老雅這樣改寫:
The situation would be better if people really tried their best to save the creature. Panda is a good example. As an endangered species found only in China,the Panda has grown in number from 200 a decade ago to 1000 today, thanks to the protection from people all over the world attracted by their lovely appearance. □