My Diary

張造云

November 3rd， 2016 Thursday Sunny

Last Friday， when I went home I saw our stairs were dirty. “Is Mum at home？” I said to myself. I knocked at the door， but no one answer①.

I took out my key and opened the door. I saw a piece of paper on the table.

“Hi， Lotus！Im going to visit your grandmother. I will go by bus. I will come back in two days. You are 15 years old， arent you？ Cook for yourself and take care of your sister. Mum.”

Why not take us to go together？ I rang my mother. “This time it is not a travel. I am visiting your grandmother in hospital. You are busy in study. Maybe next time I will take you two.”

“Is grandmother in hospital？ Why not tell me about it？” I was a bit unhappy.

“You will finish junior study. I hope you will get better grades.” Mum said.

“Grandmother is more important than my study. I love Grandma！” I cried.

Mum has been in hospital. I said many words to my grandmother on phone. Next time， I visit② my grandma together with my sister.

At③ Friday night， I cleaned the stairs. When my neighbor uncle Li came home， he said I was a good girl. I gave him a dirty look because he never cleans the stairs！

湖南省永州市冷水灘區竹山橋學校九年級 屈玉蓮

點評

1. 優點：

這是一篇小作者的日記，記錄生活，情感真摯，把日常生活中的小事寫得饒有趣味。

2. 需要修改的地方：

①answer改為answered。要保持前后時態的一致性。

②visit改為will visit。next time（下一次）是表將來的時間狀語，對應用將來時態的動詞形式。注意：前面行文中出現了next time，且用對了時態，后面行文中卻寫錯了時態，說明寫作過程中存在粗心大意。

③At改為On。在英語中，具體到某個星期幾的晚上，用介詞on。

3. 評分：

按湖南省永州市中考英語作文滿分15分的評分標準，本文修改前可得13分。