The Incredible Love of My Parents

By Liu Zehua

The Incredible Love of My Parents

By Liu Zehua

My hometown, a small village named Shangxian, is located on the outskirts of Shijiazhuang City, Hebei Province. My parents were a May-December couple. My dad was 31 years older, and he married my mom after his first wife passed away.

An Arranged Marriage

My grandmother was feeble and sick. Whenever winter approached, she felt restless and found it hard to draw her breath out of her lungs. On the cold days,she had to wrap herself in a quilt and curl up on a heated brick bed, “kàng” in our language. Her life was extremely painful.

My mother was the eldest daughter, and she had one sister and two brothers. My grandfather was an honest man, who couldn’t make ends meet despite having two mu1of land. Without a water well, livestock, and large farm tools, he earned little and barely scraped by. My mother was the one who managed everything in the family.

In order to look after grandma and her family, my mom missed her chance of getting married at a proper age. At that time, the proper age, according to the custom in our village,was usually 17 or 18, and if a girl still wasn’t married at 20, it would be a big headache for her parents. Just when my mom was about to hit 20, she contracted a mysterious disease and herfamily couldn’t afford a doctor. Thus,she had nothing to do but wait as the illness turned her to a bag of bones,leaving her nearly no chance to survive.

In those days, a maiden could never die in her parents’ home; if so, she couldn’t be buried into the ancestral tomb of her clan, and then her soul would have nowhere to rest.To a girl, being a wandering ghost was much crueler than being unmarried all her life. In my village, ghost marriage was a common practice–that is, marrying two deceased persons of the opposite sex who were unattached when alive. It was said that my grandfather had begun to plan a ghost marriage for my mom.Back then, my dad, 55 years of age,had been bereft of his first wife. He had two sons and two daughters, both of whom had got married. After being set up by a matchmaker, the marriage was quickly settled.

To my mom, this was far better than waiting for a ghost marriage.

It was said that my dad’s family strongly opposed him for marrying my mother, but he claimed, “I will marry her even if she was a ‘walking dead.’” On the wedding day, due to his inconvenience, my dad sent his grandsons to pick up my mom on his behalf.

After marriage, my dad took good care of my mom. At that time, he had several mu of farmland and enjoyed a decent life; therefore he decided to send my mom for medical care.Something happened! My mom got better every day, and, within less than three years of the marriage, she gave birth to my third and fourth brothers in succession (there were two half-blooded elder brothers ahead of them), and like a miracle, she recovered fully.

我的老家，在河北省石家莊近郊一個名叫“上賢莊”的小村莊。我父母是一對老夫少妻，父親比母親大31歲。母親是續弦。

無奈成婚

我的外祖母，體弱多病，每逢冬天，喘得透不過氣，坐臥不寧，整日圍著被子，蜷縮在炕上，痛苦至極。

我母親是長女，下邊有一個妹妹和兩個弟弟。外祖父是個老實人，支撐不了家。田有兩畝，沒有井，也沒有牲口和大型農具，因而收成甚微，日子很難過。家里的事情，全由我母親操持。

為了外祖母和這個家，母親耽誤了婚期。當時的習俗是，十七八歲出嫁，過了二十就難了。大約在這前后，母親患了莫名的病，根本請不起醫生，拖著、耗著，瘦得不成人形，幾乎沒有生的希望。那個年代，閨女是不能死在娘家的，死了，不能入祖墳，沒有安魂之處，只能做野鬼，對一個姑娘來說，這比生時沒有出嫁更殘酷。我們那里實行冥婚，找一個異性單身冥鬼，結為夫妻。據說，外祖父已為我母親籌劃冥婚的事。正當此時，我父親喪偶，已經55歲。他有二男二女，都已成家。有媒人撮合，很快就把婚事說定。

對我母親來說，這總比等待冥婚要強得多。

據說我父親續弦遭到家人的強烈反對，但他聲言：就是一個“棺材瓤子”，我也要娶回來。迎親那天，他不便去，便派自己的孫子前往。

婚后，父親對母親疼愛有加，關懷備至。那時，他已有良田幾十畝，生活得不錯，他便當家做主，到處給母親請醫生。奇跡出現了，母親的身體日漸好轉，婚后不到三年，接連生了我三哥和四哥（前邊有兩個同父異母哥哥），母親的身子骨奇跡般地恢復正常。

經過死亡考驗的人，多半長壽。我母親活到95歲時辭世。

沸騰的家

我娘一進劉家的大門，立即坐上祖母的位置。我爹與前妻生的二男，均已兒孫滿堂。爹的長孫同我母親的年齡相差無幾，已經結婚生子。這個大家庭有二十多口人。爹得了一個年輕媳婦，娘也把他當做自己依賴的靠山，心滿意足。這個大家庭的其他人，沒有一個人能接受這個事實，哪里來的“娘”和“奶奶”？我娘是一個好強又極其注重名分的人。在她看來，自己是明媒正娶過來的，身份和地位無可爭議，就要當這個“娘”和“奶奶”。但在自己沒有生兒育女時，她只有我爹疼愛，自己空居名分，有氣無力。

當我的同母長兄來到這個大家庭后，情況發生了變化，幾個親哥哥在這個家庭中，具有萬鈞之重，爹又鐘愛小兒子們，娘也以子為貴。她要真正做一家之長，于是像開了鍋的水，這個家沸騰起來了。

在我多少懂一點事時，多次聽到我娘講一件事：一群孫子媳婦們說，我娘未進劉家門之前，即大姑娘之時，有“不正經”的事。這類事傳起來最快，村里人議論紛紛，最后傳到我娘耳朵里，一下子引起大爆炸。

貞節問題，是當時的頭等大事，我娘公開挑戰，宣稱傳言者能找出證人，我立即去死。然后在家庭范圍內，一個一個正面對質，幾乎把家里所有的女人都卷進來了，誰都無言以對，不得不向我娘求饒。所有傳言者都跪在我娘面前，請求原諒。我娘在氣頭上，橫豎不答應，轉身離開，所有跪求者，沒有一個人敢站起來，這一跪，就是半天。我爹出來說情，我娘的氣也消了一點，說可以，但每人要自己掌臉，于是，一片掌臉聲響起。此事很快傳遍村子，傳言自然平息。

事后，我爹反復稱贊我娘有骨氣，剛強，敢作敢當。對家內女眷之間的事，我爹從不直接介入，他常說一句話：“看你們誰能爭過誰。”

清官難斷家務事，婆婆媽媽的事，時常發生，拖到1937年，不得不分家，我的兩位異母長兄另立門戶。

此時，我爹已經64歲，與我娘帶著我們5個小崽子單過。老驥伏櫪，該多難啊。

（摘自《八十自述》 三聯書店）

People said that most of those who have a narrow escape from death will enjoy a long life. My mom passed away at the senior age of 95.

A Boisterous Blended Family

●Note:1 Mu: A Chinese unit of land area. 1 mu is equal to 0.16 acre.

From the day my mom married into the Liu’s family, she became a grandmother, as my two half brothers already had their own offspring. In fact, my mother was about the same age with the eldest grandson of my father who also got married and had children. There were over twenty people in this big family.

Although Dad was satisfied with his young wife, and Mom also regarded him as the one to count on for life, none of the rest of the big family could accept the truth–what kind of “mom” and “grandma” was she? My mother, with a high selfesteem, thought highly of personal image and status. In her eyes, she was married into the family in a proper and formal manner, and her family status was indisputable; therefore she insisted on being the “mom” and“grandmother”. However, before she gave birth to my siblings and me, my dad was the only one in the family caring about her, and all she had was just a title, which didn’t give her anything.

When she gave birth to my brothers, the whole situation changed. My brothers were highly regarded in the family, and my father also favored his younger sons, so my mom finally gained her due respect and honor. She wanted to be the real woman-in-charge; hence, like a pot of boiling water, the family was heated.

Since I began to take in what was going on around me, I had always heard my mom telling me about one thing–some granddaughters-inlaw gossiped that before my mom was married into Liu’s family, she had some “indecent affairs”. Such gossip could easily spread far andwide. People in our village started to discuss it animatedly, and when the news reached my mom’s ears, she immediately blew up.

At that time, chastity was something of utmost importance to an unmarried woman; therefore my mom posed an open challenge,claiming that as long as any gossiper found a witness, she would end her life at once. Then, she confronted each family member about the matter, and nearly all the women in the family were dragged in, but they had nothing to say and asked to be pardoned. All the gossipers fell on their knees and begged for mercy. However, my mom was still in a fit of anger, and refused to let it go. She turned away, but all the women on their knees dared not to get up. After a long while, my dad came out to intercede for them, and my mom had also cooled down a bit, so she agreed to let loose, with a condition that each of them slapped themselves on the face; hence, there was a burst of face-slapping from the crowd. Before long, this incident spread across the village, and the rumor had eventually subsided.

After the event, my father extolled my mom for her integrity, tenacity,and courage over and over again. In fact, for everything going on between the female members of the family,

my father never got involved directly. He always said, “Let’s just wait and see who can take an upper hand.”

As the saying goes, even an upright of ficial finds it hard to settle a family quarrel. Trivial matters never ceased to happen. In 1937, the big family had to be divided, and my two half brothers moved out to a new house.

By then, my father was already 64 years old. He looked after the five little ones with only my mother. How tough would life be for someone in his declining years.

(From My Memories of Eighty Years, Joint Publishing Company.Translation: Zhu Yaguang)

父母奇緣

文|劉澤華