All-round Woman Tackled Marriage Crisis

By Su Jinse

All-round Woman Tackled Marriage Crisis

By Su Jinse

In ancient times, women who were talented could hardly handle the chores of housewives. Can you picture the scene of Lin Daiyu managing the trivia in Jia’s mansion? Can you imagine Li Qingzhao—who was always either writing or drinking—minding the farmland and counting the income of the shop? Vice versa, how can a housewife who hosts the whole family—looking after the old and young—spare time to sigh for the changes of seasons and convert emotions into literary works?

Guan Daosheng managed to do it. Not only was she a talented and intelligent lady, she was also an able housewife, performing well both in the kitchen and the hall.

Guan Daosheng was highly versatile, mastering writing, painting, and calligraphy. Her calligraphy enjoyed equal popularity with that of Madam Wei,teacher of the eminent calligrapher Wang Xizhi. Therefore, she was honored as “Madam Guan.” Her paintings were also regarded as national treasures and showcased at the Palace Museum. Her husband, Zhao Mengfu was more renowned. As the eleventh grandson of Emperor Taizu of Song, Zhao Kuangyin, he was also a calligrapher, painter, and poet in the Yuan dynasty.The same hobbies brought them together. The sweet couple led a happy life,having three sons and six daughters.

Apart from the eldest who died young, the other eight offspring of Guan grew healthily in the years without antibiotics, vaccinations, and surgery. This shows how careful she was when tending to her children. She had once written a poem about child rearing: “Another sunny day in Spring, with the kids, off to the bamboo forest. Now that Spring is in the air, under the sun, bamboo shoots sprout.” The poem not only expressed the joy of hanging out with the youth,it also revealed a mother’s expectations for children to grow up healthily.Apart from taking children to family trips, she also painted with the children.Educated in this enjoyable manner, her sons, Zhao Yong and Zhao Yi, both became masters of calligraphy and painting.

Guan Daosheng was also an efficient manager. Under her management, the whole family was united and harmonious. To the elders, she never neglected her filial duties; to her husband and the younger, she offered them help and care. Besides, she was very kind to her kinsmen. If she knew anyone was sold into slavery, she would buy him freedom. If she found anyone in trouble, she would give a hand without hesitation. Therefore, she won the love and respect of all her kins. Normally, it is annoying enough for an ordinary woman to deal with her mother and sister in law. However, Guan Daosheng was able to manage the huge family of more than a hundred people. Surely, she was a“superwoman.” Also, her social competence was impressive. The colleagues and friends of her husband all showered praise on her. Later, when her husband was promoted, she was honored as “the Madam of Wei.” After that,Guan often appeared in the palace. In court,the lady again impressed people with her social capability, and became a close friend of the Queen.

However, such a lady with high intelligence and sociability also encountered marriage crisis. In ancient China, men were allowed to have concubines. Men who refused to have concubines would be called hen-pecked and his companions would also send him concubines.For this reason, we can’t call Zhao Mengfu a bad man. He was just tired of his partner after years of marriage.

In his forties, Zhao Mengfu was sent to work in the south Yangtze River region and Guan Daosheng was left in the capital city to look after the family. The couple was parted.Over the next two years, Zhao Mengfu didn’t return home and he only wrote occasionally to his wife. Immediately, Guan Daosheng sensed that her husband must have been with another women. Compared with those sobbing and rowdy women who were mad at their husbands’ affairs, Guan Daosheng was a notch above them. She knew that quarrelling with her husband would only give the mistress opportunity to creep in. Therefore, she wrote a letter to her husband saying: “The bamboos you cut when you left, they have grown into a forest, but you have not returned. The withered flowers will bloom again, but the decrepit appearance of mine can never reverse.” This letter expressed her deep love for her husband and the melancholy triggered by the passing of time. There was not a single line of complaint.Zhao Mengfu came back home immediately after reading this letter.

In his fifties, Zhao Mengfu felt restless again.This time, he also obliquely expressed his intentions. He wrote a letter to his wife saying:“I am the official, you are the wife. Haven’t you heard that official Wang has Tao Ye and Tao Gen and official Su has Zhao Yun and Mu Yun? I am justified to have some Wu Ji and Yue Nv. Already in your forties, minding the household is enough for you.” In this letter he tried to tell his wife that writer Su Shi and calligrapher Wang Xianzhi all had concubines, thus it was reasonable for him to have a few mistresses. He felt the main focus of his faded wife should be the family and being a responsible wife.

在古代，做得了才女的，一般就做不了家庭主婦，你能想象林黛玉去管理賈府的美好畫面嗎？你能指望不是寫詞就是喝酒的李清照去關(guān)心家里農(nóng)田和店鋪賺了多少銀子嗎？反過來，主持中饋的家庭主婦，管著一家老小的吃喝拉撒，哪有工夫和心情悲春傷秋、舞文弄墨？

管道升卻是一朵奇葩。她不僅才華絕代，而且是一位出色的家庭主婦，上得了廳堂，下得了廚房。

管道升是個全才，不僅能寫一手好詩詞，而且書畫雙絕。管道升的書法與書圣王羲之的老師衛(wèi)夫人齊名，被尊稱為“管夫人”。她畫的畫亦是國寶，被珍藏在故宮博物院里。她的丈夫趙孟頫，更是出名，是宋太祖趙匡胤的十一世孫，也是元代的書法家、畫家和詩人。夫妻倆的喜好一模一樣。因為志同道合，夫妻非常恩愛，生了3個兒子和6個女兒。

在沒有抗生素、疫苗和手術(shù)的古代，除了長子早夭，管道升的8個孩子都健健康康地活了下來，由此可見，她照顧孩子們非常精心。她寫過一首育兒詩：“春晴今日又逢晴，閑與兒曹竹下行。春意近來濃幾許，森森稚子日邊生。”其中既有陪伴孩子在竹林中玩耍的樂趣，又有對孩子健康成長的期盼。除了親子游，她還經(jīng)常帶著孩子畫畫。在她寓教于樂的培養(yǎng)下，兩個兒子趙雍和趙奕都成為書畫名家。

管道升還是一位高效的管理者。在她的管理下，家里內(nèi)外整然。她不僅孝順公婆，相夫教子，還對族人非常友善。族人中如果有賣身為奴的，她只要知道，一定出錢把人贖出來；看見誰家有難，馬上出手幫忙救濟，所以族人對她十分愛戴。一般的女人光應(yīng)付婆婆和小姑子都頭疼，管道升卻把上百人的龐大家族都搞定了，實在能力值爆表。她的社交能力也一流，丈夫的同事朋友都對她交口稱贊。因為老公升官，被封為“魏國夫人”之后，管道升經(jīng)常出入宮廷，還和皇后成了閨蜜，這情商得多高？

但就是這樣一位智商和情商雙高的女人，也遇到過婚姻危機。沒辦法，男人在古代納妾不用付出任何代價，你不納妾，同事朋友還會送你小妾，嘲笑你是妻管嚴。所以，不能因此就給趙孟頫貼上壞男人的標簽，只能說，結(jié)婚多年后，這個男人確實審美疲勞了。

40多歲時，趙孟頫在江南一帶做官，管道升留在京都，照顧一家老小，夫妻倆開始兩地分居。趙孟頫之后連續(xù)兩年沒回家，只是偶爾給老婆寫信。管道升敏感地意識到，肯定有小妖精絆住丈夫的腿了。和只會一哭二鬧三上吊的女人相比，管道升的智商優(yōu)勢顯露無遺。她知道自己絕對不能和老公鬧，如果鬧大了，對方正好借機登堂入室。于是，她給丈夫發(fā)去鴻雁一封：“夫君去日竹新栽，竹子成林夫未來；容貌一衰難再好，不如花落又花開。”既表達了對丈夫的思念，又流露出自己年華老去的惆悵，但一句指責(zé)對方的話都沒有。趙孟頫一收到信，就屁顛屁顛地回家了。

50來歲時，趙孟頫的心又活動了。這次，他也很委婉，給老婆寫了一封信：“我為學(xué)士，你做夫人，豈不聞王學(xué)士有桃葉、桃根，蘇學(xué)士有朝云、暮云？我便多娶幾個吳姬、越女無過分，你已年過四十，只管占住玉堂春。”意思是，文學(xué)家蘇軾和書法家王獻之都納妾，我納妾多正常啊。你人老珠黃，安心做正房太太就好了。

管道升決定還是以情動人。她寫了一首《我儂詞》，熱烈地對老公真情告白：“你儂我儂，忒煞情多，情多處，熱如火。把一塊泥，捏一個你，塑一個我，將咱兩個一起打破，用水調(diào)和，再捏一個你，塑一個我，我泥中有你，你泥中有我。與你生同一個衾，死同一個槨。”

看到這首詞，文藝老青年趙孟頫頓時崩潰了，小妾能跟自己同生共死嗎？為了一個玩物傷妻子的心，真是太不值了。從那之后，他再也沒有動過納妾的心思，一心一意地和老婆過日子。

57歲時，管道升病故。趙孟頫悲慟欲絕，郁郁寡歡，在愛妻死后3年去世。夫妻倆合葬于湖州德清縣東衡山南麓。他們終于“生同一個衾，死同一個槨”了。◆

（摘自《婚姻與家庭·社會紀實》2017年第3期）

Guan Daosheng decided to impress her husband with love, writing a tune as a reply: “You have me in your heart,I have you in mine. We are in love, fiery love. Take the clay,model and mold me. Break us together, mix us with water.Remodel you and me. You are in the clay of mine, I am in the clay of yours. In life, we are under the same quilt; after death, we lie under the same plank.”

After reading this tune, Zhao Mengfu broke down. How could a concubine live and die with her man? Breaking his wife’s heart for a temporary plaything was not worthwhile.From then on, he spent the rest of his life with just his wife.

At the age of 57, Guan Daosheng died of disease. Zhao Mengfu was inconsolable and sullen, dying just three years later. The couple was buried at the south foot of Dongheng Mountain, Deqing County, Huzhou City. Eventually, they brought the line “In life, we are under the same quilt; after death, we lie under the same plank” into reality. ◆

(From Marriage and Family Issue 3, 2017. Translation:Yu Lan.)

女神遭遇婚姻危機

文/蘇錦瑟