Humor in Germany

By Ergongzi

Translation by Wang Xiaoke

Humor in Germany

By Ergongzi

Translation by Wang Xiaoke

“The two slimmest books in the world are a British cookbook and a book of German jokes.”

I used to ask some of my British friends, “Can you please show me your delicious food?”Those eloquent gentlemen suddenly lost their flowery way of speaking. Some of them replied politely, “That is a good question; however, you probably won’t like the answer.” Other times they said, “You’re actually trying to introduce your famous food in China, aren’t you?” Anyway, the limited contents of British recipes might have been proven.

But do Germans really have no sense of humor?

To be honest, the Germans I know do crack jokes. Once when I was asking to buy some deli salad in a supermarket in Frankfurt, a young salesperson behind the counter encouraged me to have a foretaste. I thought one of the samples was good, and then scooped up some of it with a tablespoon to settle the account. The guy swiftly packed and weighed my salad. When he gave the pack to me, he pointed to something on it. I was shocked to see a price tag of 100 euros.

“Oh, in this case I will pass,” I said.

“Come on. It’s worth it to pay for something you really like.”

“No, thanks.” The price was just ridiculous.

The young man did not give up. “You’ve tasted the samples and I offered my service of packing and weighing it. A good gentleman would buy it.”

I was kind of annoyed and prepared to argue, but the salesperson burst into laughter, and took out another price tag of 5 euros. Then I saw the other guys behind the counter laughing as well. Yeah,that was a good one.

不知道誰這么尖刻，說世界上最薄的兩本書，一本是英國人的食譜，另一本就是德國人的笑話集。

關于第一點，我曾旁敲側擊地跟我認識的英國人求證：“快跟我說說，你們那兒有什么好吃的？”碰到這個問題，這些平時口若懸河、英文辭藻華麗的大不列顛人基本上不正面回答。他們有的很禮貌地說：“這是個很好的問題，但是答案可能你不喜歡。”或者反問我：“你是想告訴我中國有多少美食嗎？”看來英國食物乏善可陳這個說法確實……可是德國人真的沒有幽默感嗎？

實際上，我生活中接觸的德國人，還挺愛開玩笑的。有一次我在法蘭克福超市，想買點即食色拉，柜臺后面的一個服務員小伙子示意我可以幾種都嘗嘗。我吃到其中一款覺得不錯，就舀了幾大勺子給他稱分量算錢。服務員很快包好色拉、稱好重量，遞給我時特地指了指價格標簽。我接過色拉不禁嚇了一跳，這點東西要100歐元。算了，太貴，我表示不要了。可是服務員說：“你既然覺得很好吃，付出這個價錢是值得的。”“不，謝謝。”我心里說，超市再好吃的東西，賣上百歐元也太離譜了。小伙子溫柔且堅持：“你嘗過了，稱好了，不買，這不太好。”我有點急了，于是拉起架勢，想據理力爭，抗拒強買強賣。看我認真起來，服務員撲哧笑了，又拿出個標簽：5歐元。看到柜臺后面的其他服務員都在“嘿嘿”地笑，我知道中招了，只好跟著笑了。看他給色拉貼上新標簽的時候，我那緊繃的神經終于松了下來。

還有次在餐館吃飯，我問衛生間在哪里。服務員看了看窗外，問我看到遠處街角賣雜貨的亭子沒有。我說，看到了。他說，從那里左拐，再過三個街區就到了，走過去20分鐘。這么遠？看到我很吃驚，服務員說：“你要是覺得那個遠，那我知道還有個近的，就在餐廳地下一層。”說完朝我擠了擠眼睛。

我最近一次感受德國式幽默，是同事帶給我的。我去慕尼黑開會，一天的日程結束后，會議主持人、金發碧眼的德國同事史蒂芬妮說她看出大家都累了，需要放松一下，因此當天會議最后一個項目是要學習一首德國傳統歌曲。她說她承認德國不是個能歌善舞的民族，包括她自己唱歌也經常跑調，但是今天這個日子很特殊，來了這么多世界各地的同事，希望大家能夠一起學習這首巴伐利亞民歌，感受當地文化，她來獻丑領唱，大家如果學會了，一定要跟著一起唱。說完她就拿起麥克風，走下臺，認真地唱了起來。我們一聽，唆唆啦唆哆嘻，這不是《祝你生日快樂》嗎？這時，會場的燈光暗了，一個點著蠟燭的蛋糕推了出來，原來這是給那天生日的另一位同事一個驚喜。這首歌大家當然都會，就跟唱起來。這份幽默，帶著溫度，非常溫馨。?

（摘自《三聯生活周刊》2017年第27期）

Another time, I was looking for the restroom in a restaurant. On hearing my question, the German waiter looked out of the window and replied, “Can you see the grocery booth at the street corner over there? Turn left from there, and go straight for three blocks to find one. It’ll take you just 20 minutes to get there.”

What the hell?!

“Well, if it’s too far for you, there is also one on the basement floor of our building.” He finished his words with a feigned grimace.

My latest experience of German humor was provided by Stephanie, a blonde German colleague of mine. Recently I attended a meeting in Munich.At the end of the day, our moderator Stephanie said, “I know everybody is tired and needs to relax,so the last part of today’s meeting is to learn a German traditional song.” She said that though many Germans including herself were not good at singing or dancing, “on such a special day,” with so many colleagues from all over the world coming together, she wanted all of us to learn a Bavarian folk song, so that we could experience the local culture.

“So my dear friends, please listen and learn.” She picked up the microphone, stepped down, and sang up earnestly, “So So La So Do Ti...”

We listened to her and found the tune familiar.Was it not “Happy Birthday to You”? Suddenly, all the lights in the room were turned off, and then turned on again, and we saw a cake with candles.It turned out to be a pleasant surprise for one of our colleagues. Now, all being quick learners of“Bavarian folk songs,” we sang it together, sharing in German friendship as well as their sense of humor.?

（From Sanlian Lifeweek Magazine, Issue 27,2017 ）

德式幽默

文/二公子 譯/王小可