Slow Brain, Quick Tongue

By Qing Si

Qian Zhongshu once argued persuasively about proper speech by saying that some people tend to compete for the floor in conversation just to showcase themselves. Reading these words,a few ideas immediately come to my mind.

Ancient people listed Proper Speech as one of the Four Subjects in Confucius' teaching—bearing the same importance as Morality,Government, and the Refined Arts. Many people have gotten overlooked for being slow in the brain but quick in the tongue.

During the Qing Dynasty(1636-1912), after warships were built by a military factory in Fujian, a governor would be invited to conduct the final inspections. The local government would then deliberately send an articulate official to accompany the governor, serving as a narrator—but ‘a(chǎn)rticulate' and‘smart' don't always go together.

The governor came to the hatch where fresh water was stored and jokingly said: “The well is so deep that I'm afraid a kid might drown if he falls into it.”

The escorting official butted in: “Even if a respectable adult like yourself falls into it, you will drown as well.”

Suddenly, the governor's smiling face wasn't so smiley.

(From China Newsweek, May 2016. Translation: Zhang Xueqin)

嘴巴比腦子快

文/青絲

錢鍾書(shū)曾妙論過(guò)說(shuō)話的藝術(shù)，說(shuō)有些人為展示自己，喜歡搶別人話頭。看到這段話時(shí)，我自動(dòng)“腦補(bǔ)”了一段場(chǎng)景：

古人把說(shuō)話的藝術(shù)列為“圣門(mén)四科”之一，與“德行、政事、文學(xué)”并列。有太多人吃過(guò)嘴巴比腦子快的虧。

清代福建的軍工廠造戰(zhàn)船，完工后須請(qǐng)總督來(lái)驗(yàn)收。地方特意安排一個(gè)行事機(jī)靈、口齒伶俐的官員陪同，為總督做解說(shuō)員。

總督走到貯存淡水的船艙口，笑著說(shuō)：“井口這么深，萬(wàn)一小孩子跌下去，恐怕會(huì)被淹死。”

陪同官員搶答道：“即使大人跌下去，也會(huì)被淹死。”

本來(lái)笑容可掬的總督，頓時(shí)一臉黑線。

（摘自《中國(guó)新聞周刊》2016年第5期）