Who’s Knocking at the Door?

By Fang Zhaoxiang

Two families, both with only one son, lived next door to each other.One of the sons was extremely intelligent, while the other was thickheaded. One day the father of the dimwit went knocking at the neighbor’s door, and a voice came from inside the house: “May I ask,who is out there?”

Hearing this reply, the father thought: “Hey, who’s this so cultured and polished?” and promptly replied, “It is me!”

As the door swung open, it was the clever little kid standing there. Seeing it was the man from next door, the kid immediately bowed to him and said, “It is the esteemed presence of his Excellency. Please excuse me for not coming out to meet you.”

Upon hearing this, the man was even more impressed with the child’s upbringing and manners. He was utterly thrilled.Remembering whom he was there to see he hurriedly asked, “Is your father home?”

The child replied, “My father has gone to the other side of the mountain to play chess with the master monk.”

“Oh, when will he be back then?”

“If he comes back early, it will be at sundown; if late, he will room with the master.”

As the child talked so eloquently and respectfully, the man thought of his own son, who couldn’t even hold a candle to the neighbor’s kid. Upon returning home, he scolded his own child for all the things he couldn’t do right,right in front of his wife.

His wife said, “You’d better not use other children’s ambitions to destroy our son’s dignity.You’re only talking about a few sentences, as if our son couldn’t learn to say the same way.”

A few days later, the lady from the next door came knocking at the door of the dimwit child’s home. His father got him to answer the door.

From behind the door the child asked, “May I ask, who is out there?”

His father, listening, thought that everything was going according to plan, and even began to feel that his son was not as dull as he had reckoned, for his son mastered what he was supposed to say straight away.

The woman outside replied, “It is me.”

The man’s son opened the door immediately, and gave a bow, “It is the esteemed presence of her Excellency. Please excuse me for not coming out to meet you.”

Hearing this, his father felt that his son was really quite mannered.

The woman asked, “Is your mother at home?”

The kid, without hesitation,replied, “Mother has gone to the other side of the mountain to play chess with the master monk.”

His father became anxious, as his son messed it up and began to talk waffle.

The woman, slightly taken aback, asked, “Oh, is that right?When will she be back then?”

The kid, assuredly, replied, “If she comes back early, it will be at sundown; if late, she will room with the master.”

Before the woman realized what had happened, the father of the dimwit had already become so angry that he frothed at the mouth and fell to the floor.

(From Ramblings of a Secretary, Anhui Literature and Art Publishing House.Translation: Sam Bowden)

外面何人擊戶

文/方兆祥

相鄰兩家各有一個(gè)兒子，一個(gè)聰穎無(wú)比，一個(gè)愚鈍冥頑。有一天，愚鈍孩子的父親去敲鄰家大門，門內(nèi)發(fā)問：“外面何人擊戶？”

這位父親一聽，嗬，說(shuō)話文縐縐的，連忙應(yīng)道：“是我。”

大門一開，門內(nèi)站著那個(gè)聰穎的孩子，見了鄰居大伯，連忙施禮：“原來(lái)是伯父大人駕到，有失遠(yuǎn)迎。”

大伯一聽，更覺得這孩子有文化、有禮貌，滿心歡喜。想到自己是來(lái)找人的，忙問：“你父親在家嗎？”

那孩子回答：“家父到后山與高僧弈棋去了。”

“啊，那什么時(shí)候回來(lái)呀？”

“早則日落方歸，晚則與高僧同宿。”

大伯一聽，這孩子口齒伶俐，彬彬有禮，說(shuō)話很有分寸，覺得確實(shí)比自己的兒子強(qiáng)多了。回到家里，他當(dāng)著老婆的面，把自己的兒子數(shù)落一番。

老婆說(shuō)：“你也別長(zhǎng)了人家兒子志氣，滅了咱兒子威風(fēng)，不就幾句簡(jiǎn)單的話嗎，咱兒子還學(xué)不會(huì)？”

過(guò)了幾日，鄰家女主人來(lái)敲他們家大門，父親讓兒子去開門。

這孩子隔著門問：“外面何人擊戶？”

他父親一聽，有門兒，覺得兒子還算聰明，一學(xué)就會(huì)了。

外面的女人答道：“是我。”

兒子把門打開，連忙施了一禮：“原來(lái)是伯母大人駕到，有失遠(yuǎn)迎。”

他父親一聽，還真是有禮貌。

伯母問：“你母親在家嗎？”

那孩子毫不猶豫地回答：“家母到后山與高僧弈棋去了。”

他父親一聽：壞了壞了，這不是胡說(shuō)八道嗎？

那位伯母一聽，也有點(diǎn)驚訝：“喲，有這么回事？那她什么時(shí)候回來(lái)呀？”

孩子肯定地答復(fù)：“早則日落方歸，晚則與高僧同宿。”

沒等隔壁的伯母反應(yīng)過(guò)來(lái)，孩子的父親已經(jīng)氣得口冒白沫，翻倒在地。