Are Adult Children Living With Aging Parents Filial or Fleecing?

Online survey platform Wenjuan.com and the Social Survey Center of China Youth Daily recently conducted a joint survey of families where 77.3 percent of the respondents said they know of adults who live with their elderly parents and depend on the latter for daily expenses even though they have a decent income. Over 63 percent of those surveyed said adults who live off their parents pretending to keep them company are unfilial， instead of practicing filial piety as they claim.

Such people are also known as NEETs， acronym for people who are not in education， employment or training， a term coined in the UK.

Some elderly people do need to have their children live with them， since they know their health and habits better than hired nurses， who are also expensive. On the other hand， some parents， even if they do not need their adult children to live with them for help， think they should provide financial or any other support， since this is how a typical Chinese family runs.

But now， some people are saying this trend should not be encouraged. Adults should learn to be self-suffi cient and live independently as well as try to return the love and care their parents gave them when they were young.

A blood bond

Ran Yu （www.gmw.cn）： Outsiders may view this as adults depending on their elderly parents for support， but these people and their parents may not feel the same way. In their eyes， depending on elderly parents is a kind of blood bond. Are these adult children fi lial or just NEETs？ There is no standard answer.

Some parents are happy to have their children live with them and are ready to give them fi nancial support. Some may feel compelled to support their adult children. But as long as the elderly parents are willing to support their children， others have no right to censure this trend.

When adult children live with their parents， the parents have their company， which is welcome. So it is unfair to condemn this social trend. Actually， what is hateful is when these grown-up children continuously nag their parents for money.

Why do we have adult children living off elderly parents in China？ This may stem from the unique Chinese culture. A lot of children live with their parents even when they grow up. Families are used to paying adult childrens expenses. Financial problems are rarely discussed directly. The parents are usually the ones who pay for everything though the children may not be necessarily dependent on them. Still， this will be seen as adult children living off their parents.

Wu Yunqing （voc.com.cn）： Families are knit by love， apart from laws and moral standards. Some people express their love by caring for or supporting other family members. To give the best things to their families makes them happy and satisfi ed. This is how some elderly people think.

To live off ones parents sounds mean and those people will seldom admit they depend on their parents for living expenses， pretending they live with parents to give them company. And their parents do not blame them for doing so. The most important thing for a family is harmony， which is based on consensus among family members. In most cases， the consensus is reached after members make compromises.

Outsiders may think the model unacceptable， but there is no standard measurement for a harmonious family. As long as family members feel like supporting their adult children and it does not affect others， why not？

But this doesnt mean endorsing preying on elderly parents. Adults should not be encouraged to rely on elderly parents for fi -nancial support. However， they still do so for various， sometimes complicated， reasons.

Qiao Shan （Beijing Youth Daily）： Some people， who live away from their aging parents， may feel guilty and want to compensate for their absence by giving money to their parents. However， most elderly people in cities have their pension. What they need more is care and their childrens company. Their children could have excellent careers but are not able to help when their parents are ill or miss them. Those who are not so successful， on the other hand， can live with their parents and are able to take care of them and help whenever the latter need it.

This is life. Many elderly parents whose NEET adult children live with them are happy to have them. Of course， all parents hope their children can fly high， but when they really do so， some parents feel dejected， especially when they are frail and ill， and need help.

Of course， if adult children continuously ask for money and depend on their aging parents for everything， it is wrong. But the key issue is， their parents dont think so. Chinese parents tend to give whatever they have to their children. Even if they are adults and have their own children， their parents still see them as kids. If the kind of support they seek is beyond parents capability， then its not encouraged. But if the parents can afford it， are willing to do so and even feel happy to do so， then its something we should all accept.

We are living in an era where many children are living off their parents. Morally speaking， adult children should assume their own responsibilities and return their aging parents kindness and care. However， in real life， how many adult children can cope with lifes stress and work pressure entirely on their own， even if they do not live with their parents？

Need for action

Li Erjing （Changjiang Daily）： A growing number of people argue that since parents want to support their adult children and get to enjoy their company， its all right for NEETs to live with their aging parents.

People remain under the care of their parents even after they become adults. Sometimes parents spend the bulk of their savings on their childrens marriage and after the grandchildren are born， take care of the babies voluntarily.

For most Chinese parents， its instinctive to give their best to their children and always take care of them. It is this disposition that makes parents put up with adult kids who come back home like a boomerang. If their children want to live with them and ask for fi nancial support， how can they refuse？

There must be reasons behind this growing trend of NEETs living off their aging parents. In Chinese families， there is seldom a clear boundary between the financial obligations of parents and children. Parents will not stop to think how much they spend on their children， even if these children are adults. Nowadays， most people in their 60s and 70s are healthy and active. They feel happy to be able to support their adult children， offering them a roof over their head， money and everything else their children need. They rejoice in doing so.

However， the problem in NEETs living with their aging parents is that some， under the pretense of keeping their parents company， depend on them for everything. Though they are strong and young， its not they who are making money and supporting their families. Its the elderly parents who spend their savings and pensions on these adult kids. This is a typical example of depending on parents for survival， not keeping parents company.

In the current situation， we cant expect NEETs to leave their parents and live on their own in the immediate future as they may have diffi culty living without family support. However， we should， by no means， regard this as acceptable and fi nd excuses for these young people. If we continue to neglect this severe issue， it will never be resolved.