No Longer a Meat Addict

by Wu Huizi

I was born in a small southern county with a small land area and less population density.It was so small that I was likely to bump into several of my former classmates at the gate of the cemetery during the period of Tomb-sweeping Day.My mother had a cigarette business when she was young, so she traveled far and wide and often stayed in her Beijing office for a long time.She had a wide range of experience and knowledge, and always kept herself very fashionable, shopping in Sci-tech Plaza, having her hair waved, wearing miniskirts, and carrying bags of famous brands.

When I was eleven, she returned home on an errand one day.Having found too much a rustic in me, she bought two train tickets without saying a word and asked me to go to Beijing with her so I could see the bigger world.Mum said girls should go out often, and I would naturally have better temperament after I broadened my perspective.

In Beijing, I ate my first Hamburger, drank solid yogurt for the first time, and tasted dumplings fished out from water without the soup, and then dipped in vinegar.I found for the first time there was greasily sweet sauteed meat shreds with soy bean paste in this world, apart from shredded pork with green pepper which I had been used to.For the first time I had salty bean curd jelly with chopped green onion and caraway spread on top.For the first time, I encountered scrambled egg with tomato and sugar in it—free from salt! For the first time I tasted instantboiled mutton in a copper hotpot in Donglaishun Restaurant, and stood on Great Wall on top of Badaling and took pictures with two unknown foreigners.I made a wish that one day I would sweep across the world and have a taste of every edible thing on earth.On the train back home, Mum watched me guzzling down the marinated quails she had bought me, just like sizing up an art piece, and said I had acquired an instant foreign air right after seeing the outside world.

我出生的南方小縣城，面積小，人口少，小到每年清明掃墓，都能在公墓大門(mén)口碰到好幾個(gè)同班同學(xué)。我媽年輕時(shí)賣(mài)香煙，天南海北到處跑，還常駐北京辦事處。她見(jiàn)多識(shí)廣，一直很時(shí)尚，逛賽特，燙鬈發(fā)，穿短裙，背名牌包。

十一歲那年，她出差回來(lái)，突然覺(jué)得我很土，便二話不說(shuō)買(mǎi)了兩張火車(chē)票，讓我跟她去北京見(jiàn)見(jiàn)大世面。我媽說(shuō)，女孩子應(yīng)該多出去走走，眼界寬了，氣質(zhì)自然就好了。

在北京，我吃到了平生第一個(gè)漢堡，第一次喝到固體狀的酸奶，第一次吃到從水里撈出來(lái)的不僅不帶湯還要蘸醋的餃子，第一次發(fā)現(xiàn)這個(gè)世界上除了有尖椒肉絲還有甜甜膩膩的京醬肉絲，第一次端起撒了蔥花和香菜的咸豆腐腦，第一次遇到放糖不放鹽的西紅柿炒雞蛋，第一次吃東來(lái)順的銅鍋涮羊肉，站在八達(dá)嶺長(zhǎng)城上，第一次和兩名陌生的外國(guó)友人合影。我暗下決心，總有一天要橫掃全球，吃遍天下飛禽走獸。回家的火車(chē)上，我媽看著我啃她買(mǎi)的鹵鵪鶉，就像端詳一件藝術(shù)品，說(shuō)我見(jiàn)了世面，馬上就洋氣多了。

我媽做的飯很好吃，不久我就胖了起來(lái)，人越胖胃口越好，越能吃。我每天吃飽了就困，根本沒(méi)辦法好好上課。我經(jīng)常因?yàn)橹形绯缘锰?，下午的?shù)學(xué)課上大腦缺氧，聽(tīng)不懂老師在講什么，成績(jī)一個(gè)勁兒地往下掉。她說(shuō)我成績(jī)不好，飯都白吃了。

雖然胖是一種無(wú)法呼吸的痛，但是一想到?jīng)]肉吃，我便更加心痛。高考那陣子，我意識(shí)到自己的內(nèi)心始終無(wú)法割舍年少記憶里的銅鍋涮肉，覺(jué)得“人生得意須盡歡”，便毅然決然報(bào)考了北京的大學(xué)。

北方雖有盛宴，但氣候干燥。我因?yàn)樗敛环?，剛到北京的那一年，幾乎每個(gè)月都去醫(yī)院報(bào)到。發(fā)燒輸液，體重直線下降，減肥效果強(qiáng)過(guò)任何減肥藥。人一瘦，便肆無(wú)忌憚，吃得更多，常常跟朋友三五成群，在大街小巷胡吃海喝。

朋友笑我吃起肉來(lái)像個(gè)男人，成本太高不太好嫁人，問(wèn)我如果一頓沒(méi)肉還能不能吃下飯。我光是聽(tīng)就急了，說(shuō)不能，絕對(duì)不能沒(méi)肉吃。我外婆總說(shuō)，人有多大胃，就吃多少飯，飯可以亂吃，話卻不能亂講，世事無(wú)常，任何事情都沒(méi)有絕對(duì)。

My mum was a perfect cook, soon I found that every part of my body was getting bigger.The fatter you are, the better your appetite and the more you eat, it seemed.Every day I felt sleepy soon after I stuffed myself, helplessly impossible to concentrate on class.Often was the time when I ate so much at noon that I had brain anoxia in math class in the afternoon, hardly able to make anything of what the teacher was saying.Consequently, my scores kept going down.She said that I had poor academic performance and was fed to no effect.

Although obesity is a kind of breathless pain, yet at the thought of not eating meat, I felt even more heartache.During the preparatory period of college entrance examination, I realized that my heart had never been able to forget the joy of the meat in the copper pot in my young memory.Feeling that “One should make the most of it at your prime time in life,” I resolutely and determinedly applied to a university in Beijing.

Grand feasts are plenty in the north, yet the climate was dry there.Being unable to adapt to the climate in Beijing, I had to report to hospitals almost every month, where I got fever infusions, and I lost my weight drastically.The effect of losing weight was stronger than any weightreducing medicine.Being thin, I became fearless and devoured even more, and time and again indulged with ease in the feasts in streets and lanes with small groups of friends.

My friends often teased me, saying that I looked like a man when l ate meat and I was unlikely to get married as such an expensive date.Grandma always said that you could eat just as much as your stomach could hold； you could take in as much as your will, but always be careful of the words out of your mouth； and things were always changing and nothing was absolute in this world.

Grandma was right.

My mum then got cancer.For eighteen months, I never had a single bite of meat but I managed to eat every meal all the same.As a desperate resort, I ran to the Yonghegong Lamasery and knelt in prayer for three hours, vowing that I would rather, for my mother's health, be a vegetarian and never kill.Mother got flustered and exasperated when she learned this and said that I was too stupid and I had spent all my time in school in vain.

外婆說(shuō)得對(duì)。

我媽得了癌癥，整整十八個(gè)月，我一口肉都沒(méi)吃過(guò)，也照樣把每頓飯都吃下去了。那時(shí)候病急亂投醫(yī)，我跑到雍和宮跪了三個(gè)小時(shí)，發(fā)愿說(shuō)只要我媽身體健康，我愿意吃素不殺生。我媽知道后氣急敗壞，說(shuō)我書(shū)都白讀了，太愚昧。

我媽配合醫(yī)生，積極治療。我遵守諾言，不吃肉也不殺生，連家里過(guò)路的小螞蟻也不碰。剛開(kāi)始很痛苦，因?yàn)闆](méi)有動(dòng)物脂肪，餓得很快，經(jīng)常剛吃完飯馬上就餓，半夜有時(shí)候還會(huì)餓得睡不著，人一下子變得很焦慮，瘦了好多。有一回我饞得不行，做夢(mèng)吃飯，夾了一塊蒜香排骨，結(jié)果又在夢(mèng)里清楚地告訴自己不能吃，于是放進(jìn)嘴里的排骨，又被我吐了出去。早晨餓醒后我坐在床上大哭一場(chǎng)，覺(jué)得沒(méi)肉吃的日子真的好辛苦。那時(shí)候每天早晨路過(guò)包子鋪，看到店里的人吃肉餡兒的小籠包，真的就會(huì)多瞄兩眼，羨慕得一塌糊涂，覺(jué)得要是能進(jìn)去吃上半籠，簡(jiǎn)直就是人生第二大夢(mèng)想。

現(xiàn)在，兩個(gè)夢(mèng)想都實(shí)現(xiàn)了。

首先，醫(yī)生妙手回春，我媽的病徹底好了，她的精神甚至好過(guò)從前；其次，我在朋友和我媽的反復(fù)勸說(shuō)下，終于開(kāi)了葷。但因?yàn)樘貌怀匀?，第一口老鴨湯，感覺(jué)很腥。朋友帶著我連吃了三天肉，可是也就新鮮了不到一個(gè)禮拜，我發(fā)現(xiàn)，肉也沒(méi)有想象中那么好吃，有時(shí)候青菜煮面似乎更爽口一點(diǎn)。

小時(shí)候我信誓旦旦要吃遍全球，可眼下，走到北京已經(jīng)是我能從家里走出來(lái)的最遠(yuǎn)的距離。風(fēng)風(fēng)光光的北方盛宴，恐怕再使勁也推不到高潮了吧，因?yàn)樯镎嬲母叱痹缇统霈F(xiàn)了：我媽擼起袖子，在廚房三下五除二露一手——涼拌木耳、白灼芥藍(lán)、絲瓜炒蛋、清蒸老虎斑，配一碗干貝白菜湯，添一碗噴香的白米飯。

四菜一湯，盡是滋味，千金不換。

（摘自《吃肉喝酒飛奔》四川文藝出版社）

Mum did as the doctors ordered and was active in the treatment.I kept my promise, neither eating meat nor killing animals—even to the extent of avoiding touching the ants passing through the floor in my house.With a lack of animal tallow, I felt hungry easily, and often was the time I felt starved right after meals.Sometimes at midnight I felt that I just couldn't get to sleep, and it seemed all of a sudden, I became extremely anxious and much thinner.Once I was so hungry that I dreamed that I was having meal, where I took a piece of garlic pork rib.Instantly my inner self in my dream told me that I couldn't do that, and I spat out the piece.I had a heartbreaking cry after I woke up with an eager stomach in the morning, having experienced the hardship without eating meat.At that time when I passed the bun house every morning and saw the people chomping on meat buns, I simply couldn't help but steal a few more glimpses, envious to the bone.I felt it would be the second-best dream in life if I had the honor to feast on even half a steam box.

Now both dreams have come true.

First, the doctors effected a miraculous cure and cured my mum； secondly, I staged a comeback to my favorite food at the consistent persuasion of my friends and my mum.As I had said no to meat for a long period, the first mouthful of duck soup had a strange fishy taste.Accompanied by my friends, I ate meat for three days in a row, but the fresh sense of taking meat lasted less than a week.I found meat was far less delicious than I imagined, and sometimes noodles with vegetables were more palatable and refreshing.

In my childhood, I made a solemn wish that I would have a taste of all the delicious foods in the world, but now for me Beijing is the farthest distance I can cover from home.The magnificent northern grand feast can no longer reach its climax of temptation however hard you push, as the real climax in my life exhibited itself long ago: Mum rolled up her sleeves and made a neat and quick exhibition of her cooking skills in the kitchen—black fungus in vinegar sauce, scalded kale, scrambled eggs with loofah, steamed blotchy rock cod, with a bowl of dried shellfish and cabbage soup, and a bowl of fragrant white rice.

All in all four dishes and a soup—that was worth a million meals to me.

(FromMeat, Wine and Run, Sichuan Literature and Art Publishing House.Translation: Luo Dongyuan)