不能讓狗說人話 You Cannot Let Dogs Talk Like People

賈平凹

西安城里，差不多的人家都養了狗，各種各樣的狗。每到清晨或是傍晚，小區里、公園中、馬路邊，都有遛狗的。人走多快，狗走多快;狗走多快，人走多快。

狗是家里成員了，吃得好，睡得好，每天洗澡，有病就醫。除了沒姓氏，名字也都十分講究。據說，城里人口是八百萬了，怎么可能呢？沒統計狗呀，肯定到了一千萬。

這個社會已經不分階級，但卻有著許多群系，比如鄉黨、同學、戰友。維系關系，天羅地網的，又新增了上網的炒股的學佛的爬山的，再就是養狗的。有個成語是狐朋狗友，現在還真有狗友了。約個時間，狗友們便帶著狗在廣場聚會。狗們趁機蹦呀叫呀，公狗和母狗交配，然后拉屎，翹起一條后腿撒尿。狗的主人，都是些自稱爸媽的，就熱烈顯擺起他家的狗如何漂亮、乖呀，能殷勤而且多么地忠誠。

忠誠是人們養狗的最大原因吧。人是多么需要忠誠呀，即便是最不忠誠做人的人，他也不喜歡不忠誠的人和動物。因此，這個城里，流浪的狗并不多見，偶爾見到的只是一些走失的狗，而走失的狗往往就又被人收養了。流浪的多是些尋不著活干的人，再就是貓。貓有媚態，卻不忠誠，很多貓都被趕出家門了。

曾有三個人給我說過這樣的事，一個是他們夫婦同岳母生活在一起十多年，在兒子上中學后，老人去世了。這幾年他養了一只狗，有一天突然發現狗的眼神很像岳母的眼神，從此，總覺得狗就是他岳母。

另一個人，他說他父親已經去世七八年了，但他越來越覺得家里的狗像他父親，尤其那走路的姿式，嘴角一抽一抽的樣子。還有一個，他家的狗眼睛細長，凡是家里人說話，或是做什么事情，狗就坐在墻腳，腦袋向前傾著一動不動，而眼睛一眨一眨地盯著，神色好像是什么都看著了，什么都聽著了。他就要說：到睡房去，去了把門撞上！狗有些不情愿，聲不高不低咕嘟著，可能在和他犟嘴，但狗能聽懂人話，人卻聽不懂狗話，狗話只是反復著兩個音：汪汪。

我突然想，狗如果能說了人話呢？

剛一有這想法，我就嚇出一身冷汗，天呀，狗如果能說人話，那恐怖了。每日都有驚天新聞，這個世界就完全崩潰啦！

試想想，外部有再大的日頭，四堵墻的家里會發生什么呢，老不尊，少不孝，惡言相向，拳腳施暴，黑錢交易，行賄受賄，預謀搶竊，吸大煙，藏贓物，制造假貨，偷稅漏稅，陷害他人，計算職位，日鬼搗棒錘，堂而皇之的人世間有太多不可告之外界的秘密就全公開了。常說泄露天機，每個人都有他的天機，狗原來是天機最容易的泄露者。它就像飛機上的黑匣子，就像掌握核按鈕的那些大國的總統，令人害怕了。

狗其實不是忠誠，是以忠誠的模樣來接近人的各個家庭里竊取人私密的特工呀。好的是，這個社會，之所以還安然無恙，僅僅是狗什么都掌握著，它只是不會說人話。

上帝怎么能讓狗說人話呢，不會的，會說人話它就不是狗了，也沒有人再肯養狗。

是的，不能讓狗說人話，永遠不能讓狗說人話。

Almost every household in Xian keeps a dog， so there are various breeds around. Every morning and every dusk， in the communities， in the parks， or along the streets， there are owners walking their pets. The dogs may keep pace with their owners and vice versa.

Dogs have become family members. They eat well， sleep well， and shower daily. Whenever they fall ill， they go and see a doctor. Lacking as they do surnames， their given names are nevertheless highly individualistic. It is recorded that there are 8 million residents in the city. How can that be？ Nobody has taken a census of canines， so they must number upwards of 10 million.

Society is now classless， yet so many sub-groups have emerged. These include fellow villagers or townsmen， classmates， and army comrades. They cast out and weave a vast social web. Presently， there are further groupings like those who surf online， those who play the stock market， those who pursue Buddhism， those who scale mountains， and those who keep dogs. One idiom states： “Friends fool around like foxes and dogs.” At this point in time， friendships are in fact forged via dogs. When the appointed time comes around， dog-made friends will assemble in the squares with their pets. The animals will jump around and bark， hounds and bitches will copulate， bowels will be discharged， and cocked legs will let forth the geyser. Every owner declares they are a “pa” or “ma” of their companion and show off with vehemence how handsome， how obedient， how attentive， and how faithful they are.

Faithfulness is the number one reason for keeping a dog. How desperately people need faithfulness. Even cheats and philanderers cannot stomach unfaithfulness in another man or beast. In this city， you seldom spot a stray dog. Occasionally you may encounter one or two who have slipped their lead， but those who are lost will always be adopted by others. Itinerant folks who wander the streets are invariably unemployed. And then there are cats. Charming as they are， cats are without loyalty. So many of them find themselves driven out of the house.

Three people have told me dog-related stories. One is that there was a couple who lived together with the wifes mother for over a decade. When their son was in secondary school， the old lady passed away. The couple raised a dog instead. One day， they suddenly found that its eyes bore a great resemblance to the deceased biddy. From then on， they were convinced it was her reincarnation.

Another fellow said that his father died seven or eight years ago. Even so， he increasingly had the sensation that the dog was his pas spitting image. The gait and the twitching mouth were uncannily similar. The third man claimed that his dog had narrow slit-like eyes. When the members of the family were talking or engaged in some activities， the dog would sit at the foot of the wall with its head craning forward and its eyes winking at them. Its expression was all-seeing and all-knowing. Then， the owner would say： “Go to your room and sleep. Bump the door closed after you！” The dog groaned with reluctance in a tone that was neither falsetto nor bass. Maybe it was registering its defiance. Anyhow， it could comprehend human words even though people could not understand theirs. The pet would just repeat the same words， only in different tones： “Woof！ Woof！”

All of a sudden， I wondered： How would it be if a dog could speak a human language？

Spurred on by this thought， I broke out in a cold， fearful sweat. Oh heavens， were dogs to be able to speak our language， what a monstrosity that would be！ Every day the news would shake the skies and the world would completely collapse！

Just think about it. No matter how scorching hot it became outside， what would happen within these four walls？ So many concealed secrets that belonged to the stately world of humanity would be laid bare for the outside to see. These would include elderly men acting in an undignified fashion， youngsters showing no filial piety， curses flying， violent kickings and punching， money laundering， bribery， robbery， smoking dope， fencing stolen items， manufacturing counterfeit goods， tax evasion， others being framed， scheming after positions， and grand conspiracies. People always boast how they have revealed the mysteries of nature. In actual fact， everybody has their own mystery of nature. It turns out that the dog is the most convenient whistleblower. Just like the black box on a plane or president of a superpower who has his finger on the nuclear button， it wields terrifying power.

To be honest， dogs are not really faithful. They are simply agents who put on an air of fidelity so as to infiltrate a family and poach its secrets. The upside of this situation is that we still have a harmonious society. Why？ Simply because a dog can master everything save for human speech.

How could God permit canines to speak our tongue？ Impossible. A dog who knows the language of man ceases to be a dog at all. No one would have them as pets anymore.

Indeed， dogs should not be allowed to speak human language. No， never.