JOKES

祝丹

Expand and contract

Teacher： We all know that heat causes an object to expand and cold causes it to contract. Now， can anyone give me a good example？

John： Well， in the summer the days are long， and in the winter the days are short.

I guess you?re right

Son： Dad， give me a dime.

Father： Son， don?t you think you?re getting too big to be forever begging for dimes？

Son： I guess you?re right， Dad. Give me a dollar， will you？

A great man

Teacher： Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today？

Student： Of course. He must be a great man， for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

He is really somebody

Child： My uncle has 1，000 men under him.

Man： He is really somebody. What does he do？

Child： A maintenance （維護） man in a cemetery.

I can?t cook it

It?s a sunny day in spring. Miss Cat is fishing. Suddenly the fishing rod moves. “Great！ Oh， it?s so heavy！” Miss Cat says happily.

The fish is plucked （彈） out of the river. “Oh， a big fish！ How big the fish is！” She cheers. But she puts the fish into the river and goes on fishing.

At the time Mr. Horse goes by and sees it. “Why do you set it free？” He asks. “Because my pot is too small. I can?t cook it，” Miss Cat says.

Three dog night

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful， female poodle （鬈毛狗）. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first， but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty， slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors， she decides to be kind and tells them “The first one who can use the words ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’ together in an imaginative， intelligent sentence can go out with me.”

The sturdy， muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.”

“Oh， how childish，” said the Poodle. “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.”

She turned to the tall， shiny Golden Retriever and said， “How well can you do？” “Ummmm... I hate liver and cheese，” blurts the Golden Retriever.

“My， my，” said the Poodle. “I guess it?s hopeless. That?s just as dumb as the Lab?s sentence.”

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says， “How about you， little guy？”

The last of the three， tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse， is the Taco Bell chihuahua. He gives her a smile， a sly wink， turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says， “Liver alone， Cheese mine.”