一個中心，兩條拓展線

羅春恒

讀后續寫首先要求考生閱讀一篇約350詞的不完整故事，然后依據該材料內容、所給段落開頭語進行續寫（150詞左右），將其發展成一篇情節和結構完整的短文。

故事往往通過設計情節障礙而推動故事高潮的產生，加上場景描寫的烘托，人物心理的細致描寫，讓整個故事能夠條理清晰，邏輯性強地展現在讀者的眼前，有些主題性較強的故事也可以在結尾處加上一些點睛之筆。

寫作思路：一個中心，兩條拓展線

一個中心指的是故事的中心詞、中心句，文章的主旨。兩條拓展線指的是故事的情節線和情感線。

注意：

1. 學生在拓展故事時不能偏離中心;

2. 不能違背作者的觀點和感情色彩;

3. 多使用細節性的描述，不要用太多的對話。

下面，我們將以2016年10月浙江卷為例，和同學們一起來學習如何寫好故事續寫。

閱讀下面材料，根據其內容和所給段落開頭語續寫兩段，使之構成一篇完整的短文。續寫的詞數應為150左右。

One weekend in July， Jane and her husband， Tom， had driven three hours to camp overnight by a lake in the forest. Unfortunately， on the way an unpleasant subject came up and they started to quarrel. By the time they reached the lake， Jane was so angry that she said to Tom，“Im going to find a better spot for us to camp”and walked away.

With no path to follow， Jane just walked on for quite a long time. After she had climbed to a high place， she turned around， hoping to see the lake. To her surprise， she saw nothing but forest and， far beyond， a snow capped mountain top. She suddenly realized that she was lost.

“Tom！”she cried.“Help！”

No reply. If only she had not left her mobile phone in that bag with Tom. Jane kept moving， but the farther she walked， the more confused she became. As night was beginning to fall， Jane was so tired that she had to stop for the night. Lying awake in the dark， Jane wanted very much to be with Tom and her family. She wanted to hold him and tell him how much she loved him.

Jane rose at the break of day， hungry and thirsty. She could hear water trickling（滴落）somewhere at a distance. Quickly she followed the sound to a stream. To her great joy， she also saw some berry bushes. She drank and ate a few berries. Never in her life had she tasted anything better. Feeling stronger now， Jane began to walk along the stream and hope it would lead her to the lake.

As she picked her way carefully along the stream， Jane heard a helicopter. Is that for me？ Unfortunately， the trees made it impossible for people to see her from above. A few minutes later， another helicopter flew overhead. Jane took off her yellow blouse， thinking that she should go to an open area and flag them if they came back again.

Paragraph 1

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again._______________________

Paragraph 2

It was daybreak when Jane woke up.____________________

一、理清故事線索

通過閱讀，我們可以圍繞life和love這個中心，對所給文段進行情節線和情感線的梳理。

六要素：

情節線：quarreled→walked away→got lost→found the stream→helicopter? yellow blouseopen areayellow blouse

情感線：angry-（surprise）--（confused/regretful）--（feeling stronger）（hopeful）

已給首句

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.

It was daybreak when Jane woke up.

二、搭建續寫框架

一般來說，故事的內容以Jane在林中歷盡曲折、最終與Tom相見、兩人和好為宜，以形成一個完整的故事環，從而突出夫妻之間理性溝通的重要性這一主題。

根據上文，出現了helicopter，但是續寫第一段開頭出現了轉折but。再根據第二段開頭daybreak， Jane woke up得知第一段里，Jane 被困在野外，仍然沒有被獲救，在it was getting dark again 的環境烘托下，她獨自一人在外，會發生什么事情呢？心情會受到什么影響呢？

而第二段的開頭daybreak里，情節會有什么轉機呢？還會有飛機過來嗎？她能獲救嗎？獲救之后，她的情緒又會有什么變化呢？

下面，我們再整理一下我們即將要續寫的內容框架。

在這篇文章的續寫框架的建構過程中，我們要在夫妻倆最終團圓這個大前提下去進行構思設計。我們可以在Jane獲救前設計一兩個波折事件或者險境，比如：在沒被飛機發現前Jane會遇到什么呢？會想起什么呢？她會后悔和丈夫Tom 之前的爭吵賭氣嗎？我們可以在合理的情節創設過程中用生動的動作細節描寫，借助環境描寫的烘托，再加上穿插深刻的人物心理描述，把人物在跌宕起伏的情節中描述得栩栩如生。最后，我們也可以加上本文來自生活的點題。

三、參考范文

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Soon， an absolute darkness ruled the forest.（環境烘托，銜接上文）Jane， tired and scared， lay down near a stone， missing her family at a distance.（環境下產生的心理影響）All the fantastic memory crowded in and she couldnt help crying，“Hadnt I quarreled with Tom， walked away and climbed to the high place， I wouldnt be trapped in this awful place， confronted with the danger of dying.”（詳盡的心理獨白描寫）She regretted with endless anxiety， and then became asleep with shining tears in her eyes.（with 復合結構的使用能把人物的心理刻畫得入木三分）

It was daybreak when Jane woke up. And， as luck would have it， a helicopter just came by！（轉折點）Jane yelled and skipped， waving her yellow blouse.（動作的到位描述，更能體現當時人物的心情）To her great joy， the helicopter noticed her and landed. What astonished her most was that it was Tom who sat in the helicopter！Out rushed Tom. A huge smile spread across Janes face and the couple hugged tightly for a long time.（情感動詞，倒裝句，副詞的使用使得人物興奮激動的心情躍于紙上）It was the narrow escape that made Jane realize that love was priceless.（強調句）Over the next years， a change came over the couple. Reasoned discussion replaced fierce arguments and politeness replaced contradiction. They treasured their life and love more.（最后來個點題）

責任編輯 蔣小青