小幽默

楊揚(yáng)

Penguins and Zoo

A man is driving down the freeway with his two pet penguins when he gets pulled over by a cop for speeding. After the cop hands over the speeding ticket to the driver， he notices the two penguins. The cop informs the driver that he must take the penguins to the zoo. The driver agrees to do so.

Two months later， the same man is pulled over by the same cop for speeding. The cop notices the penguins again only now they are wearing sun glasses and eating ice cream.

The cop says， “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”

The man responds， “I did take them to the zoo， now I'm taking them to the beach.”

企鵝和動(dòng)物園

一個(gè)人帶著兩只寵物企鵝在高速公路上開(kāi)車，然后因?yàn)槌俦灰粋€(gè)警察抄了牌子。警察將超速罰單交給他時(shí)，他注意到了這兩只企鵝，并告訴這個(gè)人，必須把企鵝帶去動(dòng)物園。這個(gè)人同意了。

兩個(gè)月后，這個(gè)人又被同一個(gè)警察因?yàn)槌俅搅恕＞煸僖淮巫⒁獾搅似簌Z，它們還戴著太陽(yáng)眼鏡，吃著冰激凌。

警察說(shuō)：“我想我已經(jīng)告訴你要把這些企鵝帶去動(dòng)物園了。”

這個(gè)人回答道：“我確實(shí)帶了它們?nèi)?dòng)物園呀，現(xiàn)在我要帶它們?nèi)ド碁！?/p>

Bad News and Good News

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been anyone interest in his paintings currently on display.

“I've got good news and bad news，” owner replied.

“The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.”

“When I told him it would， he bought all fifteen of your paintings.”

“That's wonderful！” the artist exclaimed， “What's the bad news？”

With concern， the gallery owner replied， “The guy was your doctor.”

好消息和壞消息

一名藝術(shù)家問(wèn)畫(huà)廊老板，最近有沒(méi)有人對(duì)他展出的畫(huà)感興趣。

“這有好消息和壞消息，”老板回答。

“好消息是有一位先生咨詢你的作品，他想知道在你死后你的畫(huà)會(huì)不會(huì)升值。”

“我告訴他你的畫(huà)會(huì)升值，他就把你的15幅畫(huà)全都買(mǎi)走了。”

“真是太好了”，藝術(shù)家喜形于色，“那壞消息是什么？”

帶著關(guān)心的口吻，畫(huà)廊老板回答：“買(mǎi)畫(huà)的人是你的醫(yī)生”。

Blind Date

A guy gets set up on a blind date and he takes her out for dinner to a very expensive restaurant to make a good impression.

The waiter approaches the table and asks to take their order.

The lady begins ordering practically everything on the menu， shrimp cocktail， pate， Caesar Salad， lobster， crepes Suzette， with no regard to the price.

The guy is getting very upset， as he never thought she would order so much.

She then stops， and looks across at him， and asks， “What do you suggest I wash it down with？”

“Well my dear， I can think of nothing so fitting as the Mississippi River.”

相親

一個(gè)小伙子被安排去相親，為了能給女孩留一個(gè)好印象，他帶著她去了家收費(fèi)昂貴的餐廳。

服務(wù)生過(guò)來(lái)問(wèn)他們要點(diǎn)些什么菜。

女孩開(kāi)始點(diǎn)菜了，她幾乎點(diǎn)了菜單上所有的東西，雞尾蝦、派、凱撒沙拉、龍蝦、柳橙可麗餅，完全不考慮價(jià)格。

小伙子變得很不安，他真沒(méi)想到女孩竟然會(huì)點(diǎn)這么多菜。

這時(shí)她停下了，看著坐在對(duì)面的他，問(wèn)道：“你認(rèn)為咱們?cè)摵仁裁淳扑溥@些菜呢？”

“哦，親愛(ài)的，我覺(jué)得沒(méi)有什么東西比密西西比河更合適了。”