職場遭拒，如何應對

阿萊娜·G.萊文

I have received a lot of noes in my life. In elementary school， I wasnt selected for the safety patrol team. In middle school， I was told I couldnt take advanced math， even though my grades were excellent. At university， I was advised that I shouldnt pursue degrees in both mathematics and anthropology. Over and over， I was informed that no， nein， la， nyet1， I would not get the fellowship， opportunity， or experience I desired. Later， when I entered the professional world， I applied for jobs and was told no. As a freelance writer， I pitched stories to editors and was told no. I proposed ideas for collaboration， consultation， and even conversation， and was told no.

And yet， the noes havent held me back. Instead， theyve served as an inspiration to me. Whenever I get a no， I view it as an invitation—to explore new ways to collaborate， perhaps at another time. Its a chance to be more creative in thinking about the value I can offer or problems I can solve for another party. Or， a no may be a notification that my communication tactics and methods need to be sharpened， if I am to clarify what I can provide.

Most importantly， noes ignite my persistence. And if there is one element that has driven my professional life， it is that I am persistent. Its not that I wont take no for an answer. Its more that I want to understand what is driving the no， and to see how I might be able to work through and around the issue. In many cases， a no is simply a case of bad timing. It might not be the right time to partner with someone， or there might be a lack of resources. I look at a no not as a dead end—but as the beginning of a conversation about a possible alliance.

To help you be persistent in the face of noes， Id like to share a few rules that Ive learned：

Dont take the no personally. Its just business. Pull emotion out of the no and dont allow yourself to feel dejected， demeaned， or devalued because someone rejects your application or says that they dont see an opportunity to work with you. A no does not mean that you werent qualified for a job or collaboration.

Dont shy away from2 being persistent. Persistence in the face of challenges， failures， and unexpected scenarios is the mark of a good employee—and prospective employers notice that. Theres nothing wrong with a follow-up email or phone call. Who knows？ It may even get you noticed as displaying a valuable attribute.

Be respectful. You wont get anywhere if you respond to a rejection with a hurt or bitter response. Honor the other person. Dont burn bridges3. And dont be rude and contact them every 5 minutes. This advice is especially important now， amid the COVID-19 crisis—because there will likely be even more noes during this period， as well as a delayed timeline on responses. In times of crisis， you should wait even longer to follow up with prospective employers or collaborators， and you should be even more respectful in your responses. Even if the ultimate response is no， let the other party know that you are still interested in working with them in the future should an opportunity arise.

Take the no and pivot4. Instead of dwelling on the negative outcome， think positively about what other services you might be able to offer to the other party. Case in point： Many years ago， I was invited to apply for a promotion at the university for which I worked. I applied thinking that I was guaranteed the position， only to be told at the end that the role was offered to someone else. My response？ I sent a thank-you card to the dean and offered to be of assistance in any way I could with the new employee. I met with her and shared insight into the universitys structure and culture. Then， a few months later， when the employee moved to a new role， I was hired in her place. Looking back， I believe that my offer to help despite the fact that I wasnt selected for the position initially made a world of difference.

Be aware of cultural norms. Keep in mind that cultural norms regarding persistence vary. In some countries， its perfectly OK to email someone twice a month to keep in touch with them， whereas in other countries， that might be seen as rude and invasive. When I studied abroad in Egypt， I noticed that people took time to get to know one another—even sharing personal stories about their families—before starting to discuss details regarding how they could work together. In the United States， in contrast， I find that people are more likely to dive straight into business talk. So， study up on the culture in which you want to engage and respect its rules.

I will continue to receive noes throughout my life， as will you. But Im not afraid of them. Ive built up my resistance to noes by being persistent—and for me， thats been an important element of my career advancement and professional development.

生活中，我有很多次被拒絕的經歷。小學時報名安全巡邏隊，沒有入選;中學時盡管成績優秀，還是被告知不能選修高數課;到了大學，又被建議不要攻讀數學和人類學雙學位。我聽到過各種各樣的拒絕，多次和我向往的獎學金、機會或體驗失之交臂。后來進入職場，找工作又屢屢受挫。做自由撰稿人給編輯投稿，也數次被打回。我提出過合作、磋商，甚至溝通，都被回絕了。

但是，拒絕并沒有令我退卻，反而給了我啟發。每當被拒，我都視其為一次邀請，一次也許今后可以嘗試新的合作方式的邀請。借著這個機會，我還可以更有創見地思考自己能為對方貢獻什么價值，解決什么問題。或者，別人的拒絕也許是在告訴我，要想闡明我的能力，還需改善溝通的技巧和方法。

最重要的是，拒絕激發了我內心的執著。如果說有一種品質在推動著我職業生涯的發展，那就是執著。我并不是無視別人的拒絕，而是想知道拒絕背后的原因，從而能夠尋找解決的辦法。很多時候，被拒只是因為時機不對。或許當下不是和對方合作的好時機，也或許自身的資源不夠。我不會把拒絕看成是最終的結局，而是把它看成合作溝通的開始。

為了幫助你在面對拒絕時保持執著的信念，接下來分享幾點我的心得：

不摻雜個人情緒。對方只是公事公辦而已。不要讓拒絕影響你的情緒，不要因為求職被拒或合作無望就覺得受到了打擊、輕視或貶低。被人拒絕并不代表你沒有能力勝任某份工作或參與某項合作。

不輕易放棄。臨難不畏、遇敗不餒、處變不移是優秀員工應該具備的品質，你的潛在雇主也清楚這一點。被拒之后，發一封跟進郵件，或者打電話問問原因，沒有什么不妥。也許你由此展現出的可貴品質能夠贏得對方賞識。

保有尊重。一旦被拒就表現得傷心委屈、忿忿不平，沒有任何益處。尊重他人，給自己留有余地。切忌出言不遜，頻繁騷擾。新冠肺炎疫情期間，這一點尤為重要。因為在此期間，不僅收到回復的速度可能會更慢，而且被拒的次數可能會更多。危難時期，你應該等待更長時間再去跟進潛在的雇主和合作方，也應該回以對方更多尊重。即使最后還是被拒絕，也要表達出若是未來有機會，你仍有興趣與他們合作。

接納拒絕，轉變思維。不要一味沉浸在消極的結局中，而要積極思考是否能為對方提供其他方面的幫助。舉個例子：多年前，我受邀申請當時所任職大學的晉升職位，本以為這個職位非我莫屬了，但最后得知聘用了別人。我是怎么回應的呢？我給院長寫了一封感謝信，表示愿意盡我所能支持新晉同事的工作。我和對方碰了面，聊了聊我對學校架構、校園文化的一些想法。幾個月后，她調去了新崗位，而我接替了她的工作。回想起來，我覺得當初落選后我的態度至關重要。

遵守文化規范。記住，不同文化對執著的看法不盡相同。在一些國家，每月兩封郵件保持聯絡完全沒問題，而在另一些國家，這可能會被視為一種無禮的打擾行為。我在埃及留學的時候，就注意到工作伙伴在討論合作細節之前，會不慌不忙地彼此了解一下，甚至會聊一些家長里短。在美國情況就不同了，大家通常會直奔主題談業務。所以說，研究你打算融入的文化，入鄉隨俗。

未來的人生中，我還會遇到很多拒絕，你也一樣。但我不怕，執著已經讓我越挫越勇，這也是我事業晉升和職業發展的一大法寶。

（譯者為“《英語世界》杯”翻譯大賽獲獎者;單位：天津鐵道職業技術學院）