You’ve got questions? she’s got answers

（but you probably wont like them）

Dear Ayi， Im thinking about getting a pet. Im considering a purebred dog， but exotic animals are also very popular nowadays. What would you recommend？

Loving Larry

Another one of you 討人嫌（tǎorénxián， obnoxious people） who think pets are toys！ Give me a break！ Poodles should not wear shoes， nor have their hair dyed pink， nor go out in a 嬰兒車 （yīngérchē， baby stroller）！ And those 羊駝（yángtuó， alpacas）， which are basically long-necked sheep， need to be working the fields， not stuck in a coffee shop. Dont even get me started with 浣熊 （huànxióng， racoons）. Theyll bite your face off！ But if you are in desperate need of an animal companion， may I suggest a 中華田園犬 （Zhōnghuátiányuánquǎn， Chinese field dog）？ They are a very healthy and smart breed native to China—a patriotic choice. One of the 土狗（tǔgǒu， mutt） from the group of 流浪狗 （liúlànggǒu， stray dogs） I feed in my neighborhood would be perfect for you. They are certainly more noble than some of the 卑鄙的 （bēibǐ de， despicable） humans Ive met！ Im sure you dont want to be one of them.

Everyone is talking about the “元宇宙 （yuányǔzhòu， metaverse）.” Whats your opinion on it？

Gil the Geek

Why the heck do we need another 宇宙 （yǔzhòu， universe） than the one we are already living in？ Im already having a hard time grasping the fact that the Earth is not flat， and you want to tell me about 虛擬現(xiàn)實(shí) （xūnǐxiànshí， virtual reality）？ My 13-year-old grandson is obsessed with it. All he does is stare at his computer screen， playing 網(wǎng)游 （wǎngyóu， online games）， or chatting with 不三不四 （bùsānbúsì， shady） strangers under 虛擬化身（xūnǐhuàshēn， avatars）. He barely talks to family， let alone goes out. You think thats the 光明未來 （guāngmíngwèilái， bright future） for 人類 （rénlèi， humanity）？ Then be my guest， and live your 空虛 （kōngxū， empty） life online. But we are absolutely sending that kid to a camp to treat his 網(wǎng)癮（wǎngyǐn， internet addiction）.

Got questions for our Agony Ayi？ Send them to agonyayi@theworldofchinese.com

Illustration Design and Painting by Cai Tao， Gao Fei