The Child

Xiaoxiao

Chongqing Publishing House

June 2024

52.00 （CNY）

The protagonist's parents divorced when she wasa child and she follows her fatherwho works part-time，moving around the edgesand corners of the city. Forced to drop out of school in her first yearof junior high school，she served as awaiter ina restaurant，acashier inanInternetcafé，andworkedata pancake stand，meetingallkindsof dangersanddifficultiescausedby povertyand weakness.At the age of eighteen，she stumbled uponthe kind guidanceofa stranger.And ten years later，shecompleted hermaster'sdegreeat the Hong Kong Polytechnic University，went on to study fora PhD，and traveled to Finland asavisitingscholar.The possibilitiesforherfutureareendless.

Xiaoxiao

Xiaoxiao，whose real name is Wu Xiuxiu， hasa smallbody and a lot of energy. Whenshewasachild，shewandered inthecitywith herfather，whoworked part-time，studied inaschool for migrant children，andwas forced to dropout of schoolattheageof13，experiencingthe hardships oflifeatthebottom.At18，she begantotakeself-educatedexaminations andobtainedabachelor'sdegreein psychology from Peking University. Afterbeing admitted to the Hong Kong PolytechnicUniversity，shecompletedher master'sdegreeand isnowstudying fora doctoratedegree.

I'm thirty now.There'sa saying tha bythirty，one shouldbe established I feelit'smore like thirty is the beginning. My life is just geting started.Forthefirsttime，Ifeel likeI’m truly alive. There's still so muchintheworldwaitingforme to explore， so many people yet to meet.

As I've moved forward， I've gained alotbutalsolet go ofsomuch， shedding burdens along the way. AfriendoncetoldmethatI've beenabletolivesofreelybecause I don't have the constraints of my parents.ButIpushedback.That's notit.EachtimeIhadtomakelife decisions，therehavebeenforces pulling me back and dragging me down. But I've chosen resolutely to walk the path Ibelieved in every time.That'swhatbroughtmeto whereIamtoday.WhenIdecided totaketheself-taughtexamination， myco-workerstold meI'd never makeit.WhenIwantedtoaim higher，relativesreminded me， \"Don'tforgetthatyou'llalwaysbe avillage girl.\"Men fromapyramid scheme once tried to crush my spirit，saying，\"Noonewouldeven wantyouif youwereonthestreet.\" SomerelativesthoughtIwasselfish andungratefulforcuttingties withthem.OnceIdoubtedmyself， wondering if I'd made the wrong choices.But now，looking back， maybeitwasthatvery\"selfishness” thatallowedmetoholdontowhoI really am.

In the process of growing freely， I neverletanyonedefinewhoIam. I'vealwaysfeltthatlivingwithin otherpeople'sdefinitionsisboth dangerous and exhausting. I've learned to recognize those verbal trapsand consciously avoid falling intothem.Ofcourse，thatdoesn't meanIcanalwaysdoexactlywhat Iwant.Afterall，weare social

Appreciation of Chinese Literature 1

belonging， and gave me the courage totakeevenbolderstepsforward

EachtimeIleftacity，itfeltlike erectingamilestoneinmylife I was saying goodbye to a fixed， familiarpastandsteppingintoan unknown， ever-changing future. Ideally， I imagine myself migrating likeabird.Thoughchange isn’t always for the better， italways carriesthepossibilityofnew opportunities.

Duringmy\"Camel\"phase，Iwas still underage，pushed forward by forcesbeyond me.Peopleconstantly toldmewhatIshoulddo.Under the pressure of survival， I had no choice but to do things I didn’t fully understand，actinglikeacamel burdened with heavy packs， head down， justtrudgingahead.

beings.Weall need toadjust our behaviorbasedonfeedbackfrom others.So，buildingasenseof self-worth is really about striking abalancebetweenwhatIwant andwhat othersexpectof me. One way I do this is by listening to advice， especially from people I trust and thosewho are wiser or moreexperiencedthanIam.That kind of growth brings exponential change.Whensomeone hasalready walked the path and is willing to sharetheirhard-earnedlessonswith you，you're farless likely to make critical mistakes.

Looking back， five cities-Beijing Shanghai， Shenzhen， Hong Kong， andGuangzhou-havewoven together the story of my life. Beijingwas the placewhereI driftedand grew.It gaveme the chance topursuean education.I graduated from the community

universityandeventuallyearneda bachelor'sdegree.IfIhad grown upin a rural village or small town， I probablyneverwouldhave had the opportunity to work in customer service，becomeaheadhunter， orevenlearnaboutself-taught programs.Shanghai， though Inever livedthere forlong，left itsmark through a single conversation.A taxidriverfromShanghaioncesaid somethingthatjoltedmeawake. Hislife experiencesshapedhim and，in a way，helped shape me as well. Shenzhen was where I truly steppedintotheprofessionalworld andgainedaccesstotheeducation I'd long yearned for. In Hong Kong，myteachersandclassmates offered me incredible acceptance， encouragement，and respect.Itwas therethatIbegantoembracemyself andeventolovemyself.Guangzhou taught mehowtolive.Ithelped me slow down， gave me a sense of safe Inthe“Lion”phase，Ihad come ofage.Oneday，asingle sentence snappedmeawake.Idecidedto takethe self-taughtexamination （examforself-educatedstudentsto getadmittedtouniversities）.That wasthe first timeIfeltapowerful， internal drive to do something just formyself.I threw myself into itwitheverythingIhad，likea starving lion lungingat itsprey.

Alongtheway，therewerealso things I couldn't let go of.My father'searly passing left me helpless.Ioftenthinkbacktohim lyinginthathospitalbed-the warmthofhishandinmine.That turnedouttobethelasttimewe ever touched. We never even got aproperhug.WheneverIthinkof thesufferingheendured，thepain he bore，and that glass ofbeer he never got to enjoy，I regret every harsh word Iever said to him，every phone call I hung up on， every holidayIdidn'tcomehome，and everytearIcouldn'tbringmyselfto shed in frontofhim.Ionce returned tohis graveandstoodbeforethat lonelymoundof earth.Iwantedso badlytocryout，\"Dad！\"ButIknew I would never hearhisvoiceagain. WhatIdon'tunderstand isthis： WhyisitonlyafterhediedthatI trulycametoknowhim？Whycan’t life be lived inreverse？Ioncewrote these lines in memory of my father：

Iburnedalotofspiritmoney for him，Unwrapped some sweetsand laid them out，And spokea few

words：\"Dad，I've come to see you.\" Tears fell， one by one， tapping the ground.

“Dad， can you hear me？\"

I tookasmallhandfulof earth from his grave.

If asoul ever needs a guide，

Dad，comewithme.

Alongside memoriesof my father， Ioften thinkof the horse weonce had. Horses can live over thirty yearsifthey'relucky，butI'msure oursislong gone bynow.Horses thatcanno longerworkareusually slaughtered for meat. Another thing I stillstruggle to let go of isthe face ofmy stepmother.Her presence alonefeltlikeablackholecapable of pulling in and swallowing up everybrightandhopeful partof me again andagain.

Mybiologicalmother，too，often appearsinmymindlikeaghost Ihave countless questions that maynever be answered.I imagine manypossibleexplanationslike perhapsshedidn'tleavebecause shedidn'tloveme，butforthatshe Wasmovingupward， seekingalife ofease.AndIjustdidn'tfitinto thelifeshewanted.Ioftenwonder whathercookingtastedlike.When Iwashurtandsoughtrefuge，what wouldhergazehavebeen？What kindof strengthwouldher embrace have givenme？ Inmyhead， there's oftenaloudlittlevoice，achildwho constantlywantstofindawayto sendthisbooktomybirthmother. And everything I’ve wanted to say isinhere.Forher，itmightbea formof release.But reason tellsme no，whetherornotwehaveeach otherinourlives，itwouldn’t make abitofdifference.

None of these things are lifelong burdensorpermanenttroublesfor me.Asingleevent，inandofitself， has limited impacton our lives. It's theway we processand respond to it that shapesour future.I've always believed thatcomplexemotional experiencesareoneoflife'smost valuableassets.They'vemademe someonewho feelsdeeplyand understandstheintricaciesofhuman nature. Ihave strong emotional self-control，andwithsomuchto do everyday，I simply don'thave the time or energy to dwell on past pain.Moreimportantly， these rareexperiencesarelikebrushes dipped invividcolorsfor they notonlyhavemademypastmore vibrant，but they’realsopainting a bright， dynamicversionofwho I'll become.

The things I struggle to let go of are like a pinch of salt or a dashofchiliinmylife.Theyadd flavor， bring tears to our laughter， andmakeusmorevividand compassionate.Lifecan'talways be bright and positive-that's just a perfect illusion.And I no longer Want to be someone who keeps her headdownandcharges forward. Fromtimetotime，Ilookback. When I try to grasp that thread of familial love and find it slipping through my fingers， I still choose torememberand feelthatbond - evenifitbringssadnessorregret. Becauseit'sstilllove，andthat lovewarmsmy heart.Ithelps me understand the past more deeplyand communicatewiththe personIused to be.It helps me see myself more clearly in the present. And in doing so，it’smade mea more complete， moreat-peaceversionof myself.

Fromenteringtheworkforceat thirteentonowatthirty，I'vebeen throughseventeenyears，adecade earlier thanmost college graduates. Igotaheadstart.ThoughImissed outonthejoyfulnessofchildhood， I learned the rules of survival early on.ThehardshipsIendured arenot something to be glorified since they weredeeplypainful.Iwouldn't wishmyexperiencesonanyone.But everypersonwho hasemerged from sufferingdeservesto becelebrated， becausewithin themliesapowerful explosive strength.