永遠不晚

高素菊／編譯

I want to thank you for calling me... for your sake.

我想謝謝你給我打電話——也是為了你自己的解脫。

Several years ago,while attending a communications course,I experienced a most unusual process. The instructor asked us to list anything in our past that we felt ashamed of,guilty about, regretted, or incompletes about. The next week he invited participants to read their lists aloud. This seemed like a very private process,but theres always some brave soul in the crowd who will volunteer. As people read their lists, mine grew longer. After three weeks, I had 101 items on my list. The instructor then suggested that we find ways to make amends,apologize to people,or take some action to right any wrongdoing. I was seriously wondering how this could ever improve my communications,having visions of alienating just about everyone from my life.

The next week, the man next to me raised his hand and volunteered this story:

“While making my list,I remembered an incident from high school. I grew up in a small town in Iowa. There was a sheriff in town that none of us kids liked. One night, my two buddies and I decided to play a trick on Sheriff Brown. After drinking a few beers,we found a can of red paint,climbed the tall water tank in the middle of town,and wrote,on the tank, in bright red letters: Sheriff Brown is an s.o.b.(son of birch). The next day,the town arose to see our glorious sign. Within two hours,Sheriff Brown had my two pals and me in his office. My friends confessed and I lied,denying the truth. No one ever found out.

“Nearly 20 years later,Sheriff Browns name appears on my list. I didnt even know if he was still alive. Last weekend,I dialed information in my hometown back in Iowa. Sure enough,there was a Roger Brown still listen. I dialed his number. After a few rings, I heard: ‘Hello?I said:

‘Sheriff Brown?Pause. ‘Yup. ‘Well,this is Jimmy Calkins. And I want you to know that I did it. Pause. ‘I knew it!he yelled back. We had a good laugh and a lively discussion. His closing words were:‘Jimmy,I always felt bad for you because your buddies got it off their chest,and I knew you were carrying it around all these years. I want to thank you for calling me...for your sake.”

Jimmy inspired me to clear up all 101 items so my list. It took me almost two years, but it became the springboard and true inspiration for my career as a conflict mediator. No matter how difficult the conflict,crisis or situation,I always remember that its never too late to clear up the past and begin resolution.

幾年前，我參加了一個交際課程班，我體驗了一段非常不同尋常的經歷。教員要求我們列出過去所有讓我們羞愧、內疚、遺憾或未完成的事情。第二周他邀請學員們大聲朗讀他們的清單。這看起來像一個不宜公開的事情，但總有一些勇敢的人自愿參加。當人們讀他們的請單時，我的那份變得更長了。三周過后，我的清單上有101條。然后教員建議我們找一些途徑來彌補，向人們道歉或采取行動改正錯誤的行為。我認真地想這怎么能夠提高我們的交際能力，這樣做只能眾叛親離。

又過了一周，坐在我旁邊的那個人舉手，自告奮勇地講出了下面這個故事。

“當我寫我的清單時，我想起了高中時的一件小事。我在愛阿華州的一個小城中長大，這里有一個我們孩子們都不喜歡的治安官。一天晚上，我和我的兩個朋友決定捉弄一下治安官布朗。喝了一點兒啤酒后，我們找了一桶漆，爬到城中心的大水罐上，用明亮的紅漆寫道：治安官布是一個s.o.b.。第二天，全城的人起來后都來看我們醒目的大標語。兩小時內，治安官布朗派人把我和我的兩個朋友帶到了辦公室。我的兩個朋友承認了錯誤，而我撒了謊，沒承認事實，也沒有人發現這件事。

大約20年過去了，治安官布朗的名字出現在我的清單上。我甚至不知道他是否還活著。上周末，我打回電話到家鄉愛阿華州查資料。當然，那里仍有一個羅杰·布朗。我撥了他的號碼，響了幾聲之后，我聽見：‘喂？我說：‘治安官布朗嗎？停了一下。‘是。‘嗯，我是吉米·考克斯。我想讓你知道我過去做的那件事。又停了一下。‘我早知道了！他大聲說道。我們開心地笑了，并愉快地聊了一會兒。他最后說：‘吉米，我總是為你感到難過，因為你的朋友們把事情從內心說了出來，而我知道你這些年一直在心里承受著這件事。我想謝謝你給我打電話——也是為了你自己的解脫。”

吉米鼓勵我處理好我清單上的101件事。這幾乎花了我兩年時間，但這件事變成了我從事矛盾調解員這個職業的發展起點和真正的鼓舞。不管矛盾、危機或情形多么困難，我總是記住清除過去的影響，并且開始解決問題，能這樣做永遠都不晚。